Tell Me Why
by sugarapplesweet
Summary: Claire is emotionally broken after becoming estranged from her wayward husband, yet through the struggles of raising a fatherless child, one man may be able to offer her the strength necessary to stand tall despite life's troubles, all without saying why.
1. Chapter One

**Disclaimer:** I don't have the rights to these characters or Harvest Moon.

--

**Chapter One**

** Opposites**

I had stood at the edge of the dock, my bare toes curled over the last plank of wood before I would plummet into the ocean. If it weren't for the warm yellow bundle I held in my arms, I may have made the plunge. I'm certain of that as I look back on it now. As I cradled the small being, I tried to keep it from the winter air's chill and the violent wind's bite, and one entire tiny hand wrapped itself around my finger in thanks.

"Do you want to see him, too, Lance?" I asked quietly, refusing to look at him. My eyes remained fixated on the horizon, straight ahead.

Lance, a name which means 'land...' I suppose it was just another sign of my bitterness, yet I had been so cruel as to bring my contempt for the father upon my own child, _our_ child. I prayed to the Goddess he would never have know the meaning of his name, and even that was a selfish wish which I had added to so many others like it. The blame was always being placed on someone else while I chose to remain illusional. It was how I kept myself safe on the inside, in my heart.

"Claire!" a familiar voice called out to me from shore. I turned on my bare heel to see a young man coming towards me from the grounded edge of the dock. His shoulder length, strawberry-blonde hair wasn't cut short or rich brown, and his blue-green eyes were trapped behind thick lenses, not open pools of chocolate. He wore a sullied blue apron over a green sweater and brown slacks which meant he had never worn a brown jacket and a thin white shirt with jeans. He was another man. This man was the opposite of the one I waited for.

"You shouldn't be out here with the baby," he scolded, his teeth chattering. He looked me over quickly, and when he realized all I was wearing was a frail hospital gown, he added with obvious dismay, "In fact, you shouldn't be out here at all... Didn't the doctor tell you to stay at the clinic for a couple more days?" I kept my blank expression, and he let out an exasperated sigh, "Let's get you back to the farm..."

As soon as he suggested it, I lurched back, nearly tumbling into the ocean spray with my newborn. However, the man caught me just as I was about to fall. "Rick... don't..."

He looked down at me over his glasses which had slid down his nose, his eyes filled with understanding and concern, and then he tried to feign a small smile. I knew what flickered there, though... It was pity for me, a single mother with no husband to cherish or help care for the child. _Our_ child... who would grow to be a bitter young man with no father to guide him. I hated that gaze in the eyes of the man who held his arm around me because I knew I'd see it time and time again in others as I made my way through the streets of Mineral Town. I couldn't bear to see it any longer as it was.

"Don't look at me like that, Claire..." he mumbled. "I just don't think it's good for you _or_ the baby to be out in this weather." He glanced at me once again and gave another heavy sigh. "Here, you can come home with me if you're not ready to go back to Golden Acres just yet..."

I nodded slowly and let Rick take my free hand to guide me to his family's poultry farm. I merely plodded along behind him while my infant cried in my arms. The babe didn't want to leave the harbor, either, it seemed although he couldn't have possibly known his connection to it. It would remain that way, too, if I had my way. I didn't need to burden him with my troubles. My heart was tethered to that dock, and no force of nature or man could free me of it. I would bob in the waters whether they were stilled or raging because _I_ had chosen to remain there.

My hope, for him to return to me, would wait there. That had been my decision from the very moment he had left me so alone because there simply appeared to be no other choice. I needed that resolve; otherwise I may have destroyed myself long before my child had been so much as a possibility. It was the baby which had saved me though I doubted it had any understanding of such a thing.

My wayward husband didn't even realize he had a son, for he hadn't known about the pregnancy before he parted from me. I wondered vaguely if he would have stayed knowing he would've been a father...

--

"Oh, Claire! Rick, bring her inside. Quickly now!"

"Popuri, can you fetch us a blanket, please?"

Lillia ushered us in from the winter cold as Popuri gathered up a quilt to drape over my narrow shoulders. Both mother and daughter were peculiar beauties, for their curls appeared to have been a creation of some child's dream as they were pink as the summer blossoms. I flinched as I remembered the retched season as it remained a yearly reminder of what I had lost. My grip on the bundle in my arms tightened slightly which sent my poor child into another bout of cries.

"May I hold him, dear?" the older woman asked tenderly, extending her arms out to me. Although I held my baby closer at first, I soon relented, knowing she could care better for him than me right then. I shivered when the tiny body moved away from my own, but Rick only brought the warm blanket closer around me. In the beginning, I would've tried to pull away from the man, yet by that point, I had come to realize I needed him to hold me together.

"Rick never told us what you named him," Lillia explained, waiting for me to introduce the little boy she held in her arms. She looked so at peace holding him, and I felt a tinge of jealousy seeing her cradle him so tenderly. That was meant to _my_ duty as his mother, yet I couldn't bring myself to ask for him back. I wanted to bring him close just as I wanted to push him away. I was both soothed and burned when his warmth touched my skin.

"Wow," Popuri cooed, looking over her mother's shoulder. "He looks just like..."

"Popuri!" her brother nearly shouted, causing the girl to flinch. She pouted for a moment, but after she glanced at me with her ruby eyes, her cheeks flushed a light pink. He relaxed again and squeezed my shoulder reassuringly. His gaze was full of that sickening pity as he whispered, "I'm sorry, Claire..."

"His name is Lance," I continued, trying to appear unfazed. I didn't want to consider _who_ the child looked like right then which was exactly why... I had refused to see him in the first place. That's right... From the moment he was first born and Elli offered for me to look at my newborn, I flew into a blind panic from the terror of seeing him.

_"Get it away from me!" I screamed, blocking myself as if the nurse had tried to hit me. My blue eyes were wide with a wild fear of the small bundle. "I don't want to look at it! Take it away! Please! I don't..."_

_"Here, Elli, I'll hold him," a male voice had offered calmly. He clearly wasn't distressed by my frantic episode although concern continued to dwell in his face whenever he glanced my way. I couldn't focus on him, however; I was far too grief-stricken to find much sense of anything. I felt lost in the delivery room, my eyes flickering earnestly for someone who simply wasn't there. Although I desperately needed that man, I couldn't find him anywhere. That frightened me more than anything else ever could._

_"But Rick-" she protested with reluctance. The poor young woman looked so uncertain, her brown eyes flitting from me to the baby to the poultry farmer. The doctor had just rushed in to keep me from injuring myself, yet she found she felt helpless. Though she was born into a family of midwives, I'm sure she had never experienced such a scene, nor had she ever heard of one. I must have been just as dreadful to her as that blinding room was to me. We were both trapped there..._

_"Don't you think it's better not to have her hold him just yet?" he asked, his arms waiting to hold the crying newborn. "At least until we can calm her down?"_

Yes, I had come to remember that Rick had been there with me for the entire birth. After all, my water broke right as I was passing his family's poultry farm, and he had been the one to carry me back to the clinic. I had sobbed the entire way there, clinging to his sullied apron, while he tried his best to remain composed enough to get me there safely. I had never seen the man so calm before. It was as if he'd set himself on a mission which brought him right into focus.

Rick still held my hand throughout the heartbreaking ordeal. I'm sure I was calling out for the man who should've been the one at my side which must've pained him terribly, yet he said nothing of the kind as he smoothed my blonde hair away from my agonized brow. His eyes never parted from mine, and in a way, I was grateful for that. I wanted someone to _know_ my pain, if only for those few hours.

People had always _imagined_ what it must've been like for me. To be expecting a child without a husband there to help prepare was a fate no one would wish upon a woman, and as I toiled in my fields and cared for my livestock, I knew they'd pity me. I'd overheard the gossip in the square while I passed by on my way to the clinic. When I'd take a walk through the town, I saw the stares filled with sadness for me and my unborn child. I also found I hated them for it all.

"Can I get you anything, Claire?" Popuri asked sweetly, handing me a hot cup of tea. I took it, but shook my head sorrowfully. She was far too kind to me already, for the only ones who'd genuinely cared for me all this time were those who lived in the house I'd been brought to. While Lillia could only visit on occasion due to the illness that ravaged her frail body, Popuri came to me nearly every day. The young woman wasn't a particularly skilled cook, but she did her best to help me with my household chores when they needed doing. Not only that, but her bubbly personality had a healing power all its own. I had grown found of her company quickly in those first three months and beyond.

Strange how tragedy can bring two rivals in love together.

"Rick, honey, where are you going?" Lillia called. I slowly glanced over towards the young man in the doorway as he pulled on his winter coat.

"I'm going to Claire's," he explained simply on his way out the door. We, of course, all knew what he was planning on doing since he had been oddly determined to do my farm work during my pregnancy. It had begun simply with him caring for the chickens which came as no real surprise given he was a poultry farmer, but then it began to escalate to caring for the cows. Although he had terrible discomfort with sheep, allegedly it was their eyes that troubled him, he eventually started to work with them as well. Soon enough he had gone as far as to take my own hoe from me whenever I tried to plow my fields.

About the only chore I had left by the last few months of my expectancy was watering. Rick had taken over my farm essentially, and in all honesty, I was more than glad to leave him to it at the time. Of course I knew I was only being selfish as the poor man had enough responsibility as it was. With a sickly mother, a poultry farm, and a younger sister to care for, I felt guilty for burdening him further with my sorrows. However, there was one thing about his past that helped me to understand why he would go to all this trouble.

Rick's father had abandoned his wife and children, too.

I suppose I wasn't being fair to Rod. After all, I had never known the man, so I shouldn't have judged him so poorly from the start. Given what I had gathered from Zack, Sasha, Anna, and, of course, Manna, Rick and Popuri's father had left his family to find a fabled cure for Lillia. The remedy was a flower which bloomed once every ten years in a faraway land filled with desert sands and unbearable conditions, and thus, it was more suicide than rescue. Though he had promised to write, his letters had been sent only on rare occasions. The family hadn't received another in over two years. For all intents and purposes, he was dead to all but his ever devoted wife.

Who better then to understand my child's plight than a young man who had been without a father himself?

"Lance..." Lillia said at last once her son was out the door. "What a meaningful name..."

"How is the baby's name meaningful?" her daughter asked innocently, sitting down beside me in front of the fireplace. Right then, I wanted nothing more than to wrap my fingers in her soft pink curls and tear at her as she unwittingly opened the most dreadful feelings inside me. It felt as though it was the worse betrayal she could've done to spite me, but I knew she had meant no harm. She had a naïve, childlike frankness about these things. I only wished it hadn't shown itself on the most heart wrenching subject.

"Because..." I began bitterly, choking back the tears, "it's the opposite..."

"Of what?" she pressed, her ruby eyes burning my heart.

"The opposite of 'the ocean...'" I whispered at first before bursting into a fit of tears. "The opposite of _Kai_!"

--

**Final Author's Note:** Lance means 'the land' in English while Kai means 'the ocean' in Hawaiian.


	2. Chapter Two

**Chapter Two**

** The Same**

"Mmm..." I moaned as I heard the baby's cry, but I simply forced myself to shut it out. I couldn't go near him. I didn't want him to be _here_, let alone in my bed, and yet as long as he cried out for me, I couldn't deny he was, in fact, beside me. I considered many terrible things while I lay there staring at the cloth that held an infant inside, on top of the bedding despite the chill, but of course I couldn't truly bring myself to committing any of the horrible deeds. Something inside me simply wouldn't allow it.

Reluctantly, I forced myself to bring the infant closer in the darkness of the night. He felt assuringly warm to the touch, yet I could only feel the coldness in my heart. I was practically numb to my motherly instincts. Though I continued to act on them, there was no bond between mother and child. I merely cared for him because he had no one else...

I suppose I shouldn't say such a sad thing, however. After all, Rick was certainly more than willing to play the role of the baby's father although I felt it was another act of pity towards me. That was precisely why I had refused his offers to play the part of the other parent in the beginning. I had grown weary of his constant concerns for me, yet he insisted on lending a hand, even while I tried to bite it.

_"Claire, you can't expect me to just let you try and manage everything all at once. Besides, the doctor told you that you won't be able to get back to farm work for a while yet,_" he had scolded me the day before. He looked so... worn out as he said it; most likely I was the one with the majority of the blame for it since... every time he would lecture me, I would be absolutely indignant.

I would spite, curse, and insult the young man whenever I happened to so much as _assume_ he was looking down on me as a crazed mother, estranged wife, or weakened woman. Still, despite how cruelly I battered him, he continued to show up on my property with a strong sense of will for doing more than his share of what should've been _my_ chores.

However, he had decided to quit defending himself long before which meant he had begun to all but ignore me, and I was starting to feel that was worse somehow...

I had planned on giving him another piece of my mind the next morning, but as I lay there on the bed, I wanted nothing more than for Rick to be in my home instead of me. A part of me wished he was here to care for me and that... _thing. _Still, I wouldn't admit it to myself since I was too stubborn to accept these longings as being my own. I'd rather remain oblivious to their implications of my weakness.

"Lance..." I whispered harshly with a sharp sigh, bringing his little body to my chest. "What do you want from me?"

Of course there couldn't be a real answer. He continued to cry for me, begging me to care for him, but I wasn't exactly sure how _long_ he had been doing so. I knew I was being neglectful, yet I felt I couldn't be anything else at that time. I _hated_ this child and everything it was supposed to symbolize. A loving husband, a happy marriage, and proud parents... My baby had none of these things which I understood was witnessed by everyone in the small town. When they would see him, they would be reminded of the fate placed on us. They would _know_...

"Shut up..." I groaned, attempting to remain as composed as possible. It wasn't his fault he existed, or so I tried to comprehend. He hadn't brought himself into the world, after all. "Shut up." I wouldn't look at him. I _couldn't_ look at him. Because if I looked at him...

"_Shut up!_"

Though I hadn't realized it at first, I had finally brought my eyes upon what lay within the yellow bundle. As for how he had unraveled himself, I still don't know. What I saw was something horribly frightening, though... as well as undeniably beautiful, and I was fixated by it and the truth that lay in front of me. Even so, I wanted desperately to tear my gaze away from him and pretend I hadn't seen anything of _his_ in my baby boy.

Tanned olive skin... the same. Tuft of dark chocolate fuzz... the same. Warm, brown eyes... the same. There were no opposites... Lance was the same as Kai, whether I wanted to believe it or not. I could've named him all sorts of things, yet that would never separate father and son which meant in time... they would be the _same_.

"Please, Goddess, no..." I breathed almost silently. I curled myself up into a tight ball, trying to close out everything around and inside me. I couldn't hold it in for much longer, I knew, but I continued to try my hardest. However, it was not meant to be... My eyes became damp and my mind raced frantically before my voice became shrill and piercing in a single burst.

"_No!_"

--

My bare feet ached as I ran over the snow-covered streets, a squalling infant in my arms, and I began to tear at my own hair as I screamed out desperately as well, all in vain. Of course it only frightened my child more. I had clearly broken down again, and I became plagued by the images bombarding me. From a baby to a man and back again. Over and over, I was struck by the similarities between them. It was the reoccurring nightmare of that moment, yet I felt as through I had been pelted relentlessly by the horrible dream.

I stumbled to keep myself upright on my way through the town. Not only were tears cascading down my face and clouding my already delirious gaze, but I was also calling out through incomprehensible sobs of grief. Although I knew I was only pitying myself by even thinking of doing such a thing, I was desperate to hand off my burden onto someone more reliable than me to be act as a caregiver, and there was only one person I could trust with that kind of responsibility.

The poultry farm certainly wasn't far from my home, but I still felt as though I had walked thousands of miles to his door. Perhaps it was the weight of knowing that I was going to owe the young man for yet _another_ favor in the matters of my life. It was as if I would forever be indebted to him at this rate. I certainly didn't want to rely on him so much, but with everything that had gone awry in my life, he was one of the few things I had left to trust in my world. I couldn't...

As I considered this, my stomach lurched painfully, and I coughed harshly which burned the back of my throat resulting from the effort to keep myself from doing anything repulsive. An iron-like taste filled my mouth while my blurred vision masked what I had retched. However, I could clearly tell its color... _Red..._ like a damp rose petal.

Upon realizing the terrible truth of what it was, I let loose a wail. Much like Lance, I found I couldn't handle communication, so my cries were all I could rely on to express myself and the anguish deep inside me. I honestly didn't know what was wrong with me anymore although I hoped _someone_ could explain it in words I could understand. Not something as complicated as betrayal or abandonment... I needed simple words to describe my feelings for _that_ man such as hate, anger, and...

..._desire_...

The desire to hold him once more. The desire to be held in return. The desire hear _his_ voice, and not just the one that rang in my memories within my mind. I wanted these things that I knew I couldn't have now that he was gone. I couldn't stop wanting them, no matter how hard I tried, and so my longing grew until I would fall apart at the seams. _No one_ could be what Kai had been to me. I didn't want them to be, either...

"Claire? Goddess, what's wrong?" I heard a voice call to me from the doorway belonging to a figure which was engulfed in light. He stood there with his long hair loose around his shoulders while his arms were spread out on either side of him as he came to me. Had I been anything close to religious, I may have seen him as my savior on a night that I certainly felt I needed saving from by grace. However, I was little more than dead when I saw him, and no act of the Goddess could make me feel otherwise.

He froze in a half-step towards me as his eyes glued themselves to the droplets at my feet. "I-is that-" Rick gasped, even without his glasses he could see the splotches of red dotting the freshly fallen snow. "Oh Goddess... Claire!"

Just as he came to sweep me up in his arms to flee to the clinic, I thrust the crying yellow bundle between us. My bare arms trembled as they were extended while my hands offered it to him. Although stunned at first, he slowly accepted it, and I caught the flicker of pity in his gaze accompanying his blank expression. I wasn't unhappy to see it, though and I found I actually _wanted_ him to feel that way towards me. It baffled me to no end.

Clearly I hated to see it in others, but when he looked at me with those eyes, I felt my whole body relax. He was warm without having to lay a single hand on me, yet I was only taking advantage of him. I _had_ to be. Glancing up at him from my severely slouched state, I could see how he had aged since _that_ day in the not so distant past.

I always referred to him as a young man, but the light of youthfulness had long since been extinguished. He appeared to be exhausted, at the very end of his seemingly short rope. Karen had noticed as much when I happened to overhear her while I made my way to visit the doctor one day before Lance was born to me.

She and Rick were at their usual post, the bench just outside her family's supermarket, and it would seem I went unnoticed as I stepped along side them to enter the clinic. I didn't need to be in order to know what she thought of me, and I can't say I didn't expect it. She was his childhood friend which gave her every right to be concerned about his well-being. Even so, the words had been anything but pitying towards _me_.

_"You're taking on too much here, Rick," she warned, trying to keep her voice smooth and even. "You've got enough responsibilities as it is without slaving away on her property."_

_"Who else could help her?" he replied, matter-of-factly in his usual soft manner. I observed his once beautiful blue-green eyes had faded considerably since I'd first met him nearly four years before. They no longer shone like rare gems, for they'd become more likened to riches in the rough. I wondered if I was to blame for them losing their luster..._

_"Claire's a strong woman, so she can handle herself," she scoffed with a dismissive wave of her hand. "It's _you_ I'm worried about the most here."_

_"How can you say that?" he protested, his face becoming both panicked and grief stricken. "Can't you see how much she struggles? After... after what-"_

_"Just look at this then," she shot back, becoming a bit more firm in her tone. He winced as she plucked a strand of his strawberry-blonde hair sharply. "You're only in your thirties and your hair's _already _turning gray!" Although I couldn't see it myself from where I had frozen, just out of sight, I had no doubts that she was right from the expression on his face._

_"It's no big deal, Karen..." he insisted, looking away from her. "Maybe it's just a part of my genetics or something..."_

_"Like hell it is," she scoffed, waving her hand carelessly once more. "I'm not saying you shouldn't help her, but I think you shouldn't be biting off more than you can chew... You know?"_

Guilt nagged at me after that day, but no matter what I said on the subject of his insistence on working my farm for me, he refused to pace himself any more than necessary. He ran my life better than I ever had been able to myself, and while he did the physical labors, I recalled he had also been pouring over my finances with careful speculation as of late. It was only after Karen had unwittingly brought it to my attention I came to recognize it myself.

I hadn't even realized how much the man had done for me, so what I could I call it but pure selfishness on my part?

"We have to get you to the clinic," he informed me sternly, still cradling Lance in one arm. The baby had become still and quiet once he was safely in the man's care, yet I came to discover I continued to sob uncontrollably. I honestly hadn't known it for myself. How was it so easy for me to tune out these things? My mind was in a perpetual fog as of late although I still tried my best to stay on top of everything in my life. Even then, though, it had all slipped away unnoticed...

"Have you had anything to eat today, Claire?" Rick asked soothingly, placing his coat over my narrow shoulders while supporting me with an uncertain arm around my waist.

"No..." I admitted, trying to sort through the day's events. However, I was drawing a complete blank. I wasn't even certain that I'd gotten out of bed, let alone _fed_ myself during my waking hours. I couldn't remember _being_ awake for that matter... which couldn't have been a good sign. Why was I so unable to pull myself together?

"Popuri should've come over..." he muttered, more to himself than me. I tried to shake my head in response, but the action only made me dizzy. My body shifted away from him as my legs, numbed by the cold, began to falter. However, he had a firm enough grip on me which meant I didn't collapse into the freshly fallen snow. "Here," he instructed, offering my child back to me.

"I-I can't..." I protested weakly as I glanced away. _I can't face him..._

"And _I_ can't carry you _and_ Lance at same time," he explained roughly. Although he'd never spoken to me in such a harsh tone before, I really should've understood it was just the result of him having to step out into the cold from the warmth of the fire. Not to mention the late hour at which he was woken up. After seeing me flinch, he heaved a reluctant sigh and muttered, "Please, Claire... You don't have to look at him if you think you can't handle it, but I still need you to hold him for me."

With a nod of agreement from me, the small warmth suddenly returned to my chest, and though it was strangely comforting in and of itself, I was grateful to know the yellow fabric had been tenderly placed over the sleeping infant's face. Rick's words resurfaced in my own thoughts, _"You don't have to look at him if you think you can't handle it_..." I was ashamed at that very thing. I _couldn't_ handle it and that meant I was more than worthless; I was yet another burden to be carried along by him.

Nothing more...

"Come on," the young man offered, sweeping me up into his arms. My mind made a cruel joke at being carried bridal style, but I brushed it away soon enough. This wasn't some romantic interlude, and I sure as hell wasn't his bride, either. Although it was true I was wearing a gown of sorts, we weren't headed towards our happily ever after, and I wasn't in the mood for fairy tales to begin. He was just a generous man being taken advantage of by a worthless wench.

I buried my face into his nightshirt as we made our way through the small town. A rare smile crept across my lips while I breathed in the faint scent of warm sleep, and I found his bare chest where I laid my head to rest. I must've nuzzled further into him, for I felt him tense slightly at the action. However, I was too concerned with drifting into slumber, relived to have someone to rely on for the evening. I didn't even hear his heart speed up.

What I _did_ hear was so faint that I never considered it to be real as I fell asleep, supported by his strong arms. It was barely a whisper in my ear, like the soothing lullabies my farther used to sing to me at night. Even so, I never could've known how wonderful his words were to hear.

"You can rest easy now, Claire..." he said softly as the falling snow. "I'm here for you..."


	3. Chapter Three

**Chapter Three**

**Whispers**

"Claire, you mustn't be so careless concerning Lance's well-being, not to mention your own!" the petite nurse scolded me harshly as she brought me my breakfast the following morning. I merely stared vacantly at her, my vision going in and out of focus as I did so. She really was a lovely woman with her silky brown hair perfectly framing her delicately featured face, and her warm, doe eyes could melt the coldest of hearts, save for my own. However, I knew she could be stubborn when it came to the patients under her care.

"Now you need to start feeding yourself properly. Otherwise, we won't be able to let you go home," she finished boldly, her small fists on her hips. "When you _do_ go home, I'll be sending some instructions with you on how to care for your feet. You're only lucky that frostbite isn't any worse since Rick was kind enough to carry you here. Furthermore..."

I glanced over to the IV which trailed down from the suspended bag beside my head and following my arm. It finally found its way inside me through the top of my hand, and I winced at the sight as I felt my face cool from the blood rushing out of me. Needles had never bothered me since it was only a moment of pain, yet that... contraption was something else _entirely_. I found I couldn't look away with the meager strength of my own will. I was too weak to fight against much of anything anymore.

Therefore, I was truly grateful when Elli took a firm hold of my chin to have me face her. "Do you understand me?" she asked with firm resolve until I nodded in agreement. She was uncharacteristically stern with me, but a faint smile flickered on my lips as I came to realize _why_ she was so upset.

She had always acted as a caring mother for Stu, so of course she would be troubled by my blatant refusal to care for my _own_ son. She couldn't possibly relate to my struggle. Yes, she had been abandoned in a way by her own parents, and I wasn't about to argue it was a difficult childhood caring for both her younger brother, a baby at that time, and an ailing grandmother. However, at lease she knew _exactly_ where they were...

It was as simple as making her way to the local graveyard beside the church and finding their engravings.

As for me, I was left to wonder what shores my wayward husband had drifted upon. Traveling from place to place while he lived in eternal summer, I could only _imagine_ what number of women he had picked up along the way to satisfy his 'needs.' The mere thought of him eyeing up some woman made me all the more bitter towards the man. After all, marriage was meant to be forever, but I came to realize much too late that it only lasted as long as we remained together. I couldn't very well bind him to me from across the ocean...

But how _dare_ he slip his fingers through another woman's hair? Who was he to hold _her_ close? Did he ever think of _me_ as he made his journey, stopping only to pick up an easy lay? Or was _I_ the other woman all along? Whose to say that I was his _first_ bride? Certainly I couldn't have known if there was another, could I?

Of course, I had no proof of this which only served to irritate me further. I hated the questions that flooded my mind whenever I happened to think of him. And with the hand connected to it, I swung at the IV drip and sent it clattering to the floor. Elli blinked in sudden surprise for a moment before relieving herself of an aggravated sigh. She didn't say a word to me as she placed it upright again, but her eyes said everything...

_..._of the _pity_ she felt towards me right then_._

"Don't..." I began softly in more than barely a whisper until my voice grew. "Don't look at me!" I could feel my heart burst with real or imagined hurt as soon as I said it, but I didn't care what she or anyone else thought of me anymore. I didn't ask to be what I was, so why would she be so cruel as to judge me against her morals of right and wrong? I hadn't done anything to deserve her displeasure, nor would I ever be willing to taint my own name in any manner. I knew my mind was just as broken as my heart, but I didn't bring it on myself...

Or did I?

"I don't need you're damn _pity_! So don't you _dare_ look down on me!" My words burned my lips as I lashed out at her and my rage tore at my insides. I could feel the tears spill over while I threw myself out of the hospital bed, but I wasn't about to strike the nurse. She wasn't my enemy... _I_ was...

As she fled the room and called for the doctor, I tried my best to pull myself out the window. However, I had forgotten about the IV drip in my madness. Although I struggled to break either myself free of it or take it with me through the small opening, I didn't have the time or ability. I cried out once again is frustration, and of course, the _one_ person who could stop me happened to be there to see and hear it all...

"Claire?" a curious voice called to me before heaving a tired sigh. "Goddess... What are you doing _now?"_ he asked dully as if he was bored of me and my antics.

My eyes wild with desperation, I saw it was Rick who had found me there. He was standing a little dumbstruck in the middle street with the early morning light beginning to creep in between the buildings, and in his hand, he was carrying a small white box wrapped with red ribbon. He raised an eyebrow at me when I let the damned contraption clatter back onto the clinic floor. Shaking his head, he walked over to me and lifted my hand gingerly in his own.

"You'll hurt yourself _more_ by doing that, you know," he said solemnly. The same dull hurt I had grown accustomed to seeing in his eyes lingered on me, but I turned my head and muttered a few choice words before gazing sidelong towards him. He knew I needed him as much as _I_ knew I didn't want to admit to it. How was it he managed to be there whenever I happened to need him? Was it simply in his nature to do so?

I glanced down at the wound, only to look away again. He was right... The IV had been ripped from me, and a streak of crimson made its way across my pale skin. The shocking pain hadn't even registered until then, but I managed not to faint. I could handle the sight of blood as long as I was free of the drip.

"Let's get you back inside, okay?" he asked quietly while he wrapped his arm around my neck and rubbed his hand up and down my arm. I found myself crying softly although I wanted to keep myself strong for his sake. But every time I saw his face, I left myself open to all the pain and suffering I had shut away. It was as though he was scarring me by cutting away the scabs I had grown over my wounds.

Would I ever be able to heal as long as I let him stay by my side?

--

"Are you alright?" the young man asked from his chair at my bedside. He was still holding onto the small gift, but now he was also holding my bandaged hand. His fingers were calloused and torn from all the days he'd spent working on my property. However, whenever I'd ask him about it, he'd always assure me that it was nothing to concern myself with. After all, he was no stranger to farm work since he'd been raised on one himself.

"Well, Rick, I'd be a hell of a lot better if Dr. Tim undid these _restraints_," I grumbled, straining against the belts on my arms to prove my point. I swore I saw a ghost of a smile on the poultry farmer's face as I said it, and I had to return the gesture. Though it was small and a bit forced, it felt good to express it.

"If you hadn't gone off on Elli, I'm sure this wouldn't have been necessary," he replied smugly.

"You know I wouldn't have hurt her," I said truthfully. I'd had no intentions of causing her harm since I recognized all the goodness in her, even in my deranged state. She was too kind to me already although she may not have found me to be the best example of motherhood, for she understood how fragile my mental health had become. However, I couldn't find it in myself to be civil towards her, or _anyone_ for that matter. About the only time I seemed calm, even in my own opinion, was when Rick was around.

He had this... _aura_ of peace around him in my company. In the beginning of our friendship, I had felt he was overly protective of his younger sister while being too frantic about her associating with the object of her affections at the time. Lately, he hadn't said a single word against his self-proclaimed rival, especially not since I was left on my own. I wondered briefly if Rick felt ashamed because he had spent so much energy protecting Popuri, only to see me be the broken one.

As if he had read my mind, Rick mumbled an apology, "Claire... I... I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when... _it_ happened." His head was bent low, so I couldn't see his face. However, I knew better than to think he was crying because a strong man like him never cries. "Then maybe you'd be much... better than you are now."

"Don't be," I tried to reassured him. "There's nothing you or anyone else could've said to keep me from falling in love with him. I would've married him anyway, and you _know_ that..."

"But I could've done something else," he protested in a voice almost too faint for me to hear. He appeared to be so broken down by regrets and guilt, and I felt as though my own heart became heavy under the strain I'd put him through. I knew I was to blame for his suffering, but I couldn't do anything to help him. I wasn't able to save myself from my own heart. How could I be expected to bring him out of the darkness I had brought over his thoughts?

"How could you?" I asked, laying back onto my pillow. Surely there was nothing he could've done to save me from the other man's charms since very few people could, including men such as Gray and Cliff. They hadn't been expecting him to leave, either, and I would sometimes see the apologies behind their pitiful stares. They were sorry for me because they hadn't been able to help. They weren't be there to prepare me for the worst which left them to be ravaged by their own troubles.

The young man searched my face for a moment before coming to rest his head on my shoulder. His strawberry-blonde hair was like silk against my cheek, but as Karen had said, I could see it had begun to gray at the roots. However, I didn't say anything about the matter since I felt he had enough concerns to consider as it was. Besides, I actually found that I took pleasure the weight of his head on my chest.

Something about it made me feel... comforted in a small way just to sit there quietly together, a moment all our own for us to share together.

"Mom's taking care of Lance, so you don't have to worry about him," Rick told me at last. I simply nodded in reply. Although I knew it was just further proof I was unfit to even be a mother, I hadn't really thought about my son throughout the entire day. I was too relieved to have him out of my sight to care, in all honesty. Maybe I'd be able to handle the undeniable similarities between him and his father as time went on, but for now, I was happy to know he was someone _else's_ problem.

"I can't look at him," I admitted, resting my own head on his. "I know it's terrible, but..."

"You don't have to defend yourself. It's not easy to face your fears," he agreed nuzzling further into me without seeming to really notice he'd done so. I felt a slight dampness soak through my shirt, but I decided not to ask. He had every right to cry. _I_ certainly had done my share of it recently, and I wasn't the one with the heavy burden of holding me together. If I had been able to, I would've held him close to me, but seeing as I was still restrained, I couldn't do anything for him except offer him my shoulder to cry on.

I knew I had failed once more to be there when he was the one needing _me_.

"Oh, that's right," he recalled, pulling himself away uneasily. With his warmth suddenly absent, I shivered despite my efforts not to. Rick simply obliged and pulled the blanket back over me which I repaid with a soft smile of thanks. "Do you remember what day it is?" he asked, a shy grin appearing across his chapped lips.

"Wait... Is it..." I tried to perform an act of remembering, but I was actually drawing a complete blank. I still knew it was the end of winter even though I couldn't place a certain date. Where had my mind gone to since I first became so alone? I was barely aware of the fact the sun continued to shine and the world kept spinning. For me, all time had stopped after I found myself on my own, and somewhere along the line I guess I was unable to put life back into order.

Rick rescued me luckily as he placed the gift on my lap. I stared at him in a confused manner, wondering how he expected me to open it when my wrists remained bound as well as my arms. However, he took a quick peek around the corner, and when he returned, I assumed the doctor and his nurse had retired for the day. Surely that had to mean it was an important occasion...

Either that or they had a lot of faith invested in the poultry farmer and his peculiar ways of reasoning with me.

He quickly betrayed their trust and released me from my binds although he warned it was just until I opened my present. I put on a good show and told him that he didn't have to worry because now that he was there, I didn't have a reason to become frantic. I hadn't meant anything special by it being as it was the truth, but he blushed all the same.

"Go ahead and open it," he urged, nudging the box closer. Then his expression became worrisome and troubled as he asked, "Did you forget it was the Starry Night?"

"It is?" I gasped, my eyes widening as the realization hit me. If Rick was here with me, _alone_, then... could it be that...? No, I wouldn't allow myself to be so selfish as to assume that he could ever feel that way towards me. The gift and spending the romantic evening with me was just another means of pitying me... right?

"Yeah, I figured you wouldn't remember... Mom and Popuri were hoping you'd spend it with us, but seeing as you're here an' all, I thought I'd bring the holiday cheer to you." I admit that my heart fell when he explained it had been his mother and sister's idea, but I wasn't willing to think about how I felt. Seeing his eyes fill with hope was enough to bring me into the spirit of things. I decided I'd let myself forget my troubles for the sake of the holiday.

Besides, it was the least I could do for him.

"Thank you," I whispered while my eyes misted over. I didn't deserve his kindness, regardless of what feelings it stemmed from, but he still extended it to me. Whether it was pity or something else entirely, I was genuinely happy to know he cared. I'd have to give him a special gift when I was well enough to do so, but I was at a loss for what I could possibly offer him in return...

He just chuckled at my reaction. "You haven't even opened it, and you're already crying?"

"I'm sorry... I-it's just that I haven't got anything for you..." I hiccuped while wiping my eyes on the short sleeve of my nightgown.

"Claire, I'm not asking for something in return," he laughed, placing his hand over mine once again. "You should enjoy yourself. Can you do that for me... please?"

Gazing back into his eyes, I found myself smiling between the tears. I was looking into the brown orbs of another in an instant, and I paused for a moment before reminding myself that this was supposed to be a happy time. Kai wasn't here with me right then. There was no one but me and the man at my beside, and I could find solace in that if nothing else.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his features filled with concern.

"Y-yes, don't worry about me, Rick," I laughed half-heartedly. "I'll open it now, okay?"

When I untied the beautiful red ribbon, the box unfolded itself in my lap, and I felt my heart skip a beat as I saw what lay inside. I gasped as I lifted a large, delicate egg up between us. It was gorgeously painted in vibrant reds and golds, and a striking phoenix spread its wings all the way to the back. It was more captivating than anything else I had everseen with all its intricate details from the feathers to the border which wrapped around its entirety.

I don't think I'd had something so precious in my possession before.

"Did you... paint this _yourself_?" I asked, dumbfounded with my mouth still agape. I had known him for over four years, but I _never_ could've imagined he had such skill. Although I was no painter, I had to imagine it took an unbelievably steady hand to perfect a high-quality piece like I one I held.

"Is it all that surprising?" he replied with a laugh. Even if he tried to shrug it off, I could tell he was pleased with my reaction to his craftsmanship, and I also took notice of the blush across his cheeks and the sparkle in his gaze. "That's a goose's egg, so that's why it's so big."

"This is amazing, Rick..." I continued to marvel, turning it over gently in my hands. My eyes began to mist again, but I wouldn't let myself cry just yet, whether it was a result of happiness or not, because I knew that I had to be strong for what I was about to do.

Nervously, I laid a hand on his shoulder which gave him a small start. He tried to speak, yet I placed a finger on his lips as I leaned into him, closing the space between us. Just as I pulled it away, I kissed him softly. I nearly smirked at his shocked expression, and a bright crimson flush began at the tips of his ears and crossed his cheeks and nose. He looked like I had caught him completely off-guard, but something inside of me believed he'd been expecting, perhaps even _hoping_ for_,_ it.

"Happy Starry Night, Rick," I whispered in his ear and brought him into a warm hug. My tears fell freely as I held him, and once he'd recovered from his moment of shock, I felt his arms wrap around me in return. He shushed me gently while I cried, yet I couldn't hold back the feelings that filled me. I found in that moment there was no where else I'd rather be, on a night so cold and lonely, than in the company of that man...

...the one that I hoped could melt my cold, frozen heart.


	4. Chapter Four

**Chapter Four**

**Mirror**

"Shouldn't you wait for Rick to take you home?" the young nurse asked delicately while placing my winter coat over my narrow shoulders. I couldn't help but notice how nervous she'd become around me since my incident two days prior to my release from the clinic. I was certain it must've given her quite the scare, and I chuckled at the thought of _anyone_ being frightened of me before scolding myself for it. Still, I definitely wasn't strong enough to cause any physical harm, so I was perplexed at how she could feel I'd pose any sort of threat to her well being.

My body had weakened considerably since I became an estranged wife. Whether it was a result of anxiety, loneliness, or pregnancy, I remained unaware, but I fully understood how frail I'd become. It showed itself plainly in my everyday life, for when I went to grasp anything, especially eating utensils, I would begin to tremble uncontrollably. However, my hands not only shook, but I could also trace the veins across my them because of the nearly transparent quality of my skin. I was too self-conscious to _dare_ looking into any reflective surface as a result. Who knows how sickly I looked to everyone else?

All _I_ knew was that I'd rather be oblivious to my appearance than to face the woman I'd become.

"No thank you, Elli," I politely declined. "I have to see him and his family for dinner tonight anyway." Because I wasn't able to celebrate the Starry Night Festival with them, it was the least I could do in return. Besides, Popuri was feeling guilty for not encouraging me to eat more during her visits, and I wanted to assure her that she hadn't done anything wrong by me. She had even sent me a gift with her brother the day before. I wouldn't open it until I could thank her in person, though.

Also... there was a good chance it was meant for something I wasn't ready to face quite yet.

"Well, if you think you can manage... but I had better _not_ see you back here because you're too stubborn to take proper care of yourself," she warned with a false smile.

"You won't," I promised her curtly with a smirk. I wasn't going to risk my freedom of movement with another delusional episode to haunt me. I was disgusted enough by their frequency without having to cope with the humiliation of restraints. I could still recall Rick's downcast expression when he reluctantly had to refit them around my arms and wrists. Although I had assured him I would manage, I saw the apology written across his face, and I had to admit I felt some pity for the poor man.

_He_ couldn't even trust me in my current state it seemed... and it was killing him to feel that way towards me.

Elli glanced away for a moment, her earthy eyes trying to mask something from my keen sight. I also happened to notice how she wrung her hands which warned me that it was a troubling matter that she was currently dwelling on. I also knew I'd regret asking just what it was, but some part of me I had to know what was at work in her mind. What was she so worried about, and more importantly, how did it concern me?

"Do you have something you want to discuss?" I asked sharply. My palms became sweaty as I continued to watch her carefully. Nervously, I licked my dry lips while I waited for a reply. She was clearly upset since she'd begun to tear up. Working as a nurse, an orphaned one at that, she was never known to cry over a patient, and so I didn't know what to expect her to say given her sudden tears. If I had been stronger, I might've tried to comfort her, but I was at a loss for what I could do for the young woman. Not to mention she was going to say something which would most likely send me back over the edge, for I just _knew_ it had to be-

"Lance."

Her large eyes studied me for a reaction, and all of the weight in that name fell onto me once that syllable reached my sensitive ears. Just hearing of the infant turned me into stone as I stood bewildered in the open doorway. She was _testing_ me, wondering if I could _handle_ motherhood, and I realized it much too late while turning the knob over and over. The clicking of the mechanism was the only communication between us. I refused to be upset, however, and I had more than enough will to bite my own tongue, hard enough to taste the iron flavor of blood.

Before I would let myself cave to my frustrations, I stormed out of the small clinic, not even slamming the door behind me. I could feel the familiar pain resurfacing just behind my eyes, but I wouldn't let a single droplet glide down my cheek. I needed to move forward, and the direction wasn't my main concern. I simply had to _go_. It didn't matter _where_. Even so, I came to an abrupt stop when I found where I had stumbled in my blind determination.

The beach...

My breath caught in my throat, not even allowing me a gasp, when I lifted my eyes to see the harbor. There, at the edge of the dock... a figure stood alone as if were waiting for someone to welcome it. I could clearly see the short, dark brown hair poking out of a jacket of a slightly lighter hue of the same color, and although a part of me begged for a sense of reasoning, I had to believe it was _him_. My heart was telling me as much as it pounded viciously against my chest, threatening to break free.

I barely took a second glance before barreling down the planks of wood. The brief moment in time clung to the frigid chill of the winter air, and in that space, I felt absolute bliss. Within it, I couldn't help but cry out for him.

_"Kai!"_

The figure turned to face me after my call, and just as quickly as my heart had risen, it came crashing back down, shattering on the impact of the person's true identity. Quite simply... _she_ wasn't _him_.

Her hair was cropped short like his own which wasn't the style I had come to expect living in the small town. With the exception of Elli, all of the women chose to wear their hair long, even _Ann _wore it in that fashion though she preferred to keep hers in a lengthy braid. Had it been in different circumstances, I would've laughed at my own careless folly, yet I couldn't find any humor in having my heart torn once again.

"I'm sorry, but I didn't expect to see anyone here, given the season and all..." she explained in a wistful tone. I merely nodded in reply since I continued to be mesmerized by her appearance. Although she was a young woman, there was something about her eyes that aged her drastically. I could see that they had once been a nurturing green, but they'd faded into a muddy gray over time. Their gaze was distant, too, almost as if they saw through me into some other world entirely.

Like myself, she was little more than a ghost drifting through existence.

"Forgive me once again," she apologized quietly, "but I don't think we've met before." I studied her thin, pale lips while she spoke. It seemed she had been bearing the brunt of the unforgivable weather as she waited for her ship to disembark. I knew that Zack wouldn't brave the ocean any time soon, but she appeared to be eager to leave the farming village behind. Otherwise, I could see no purpose for her to be there.

"Yes... that's very true," I admitted once I'd found my voice again. I noticed my words were as faint as hers, and though there was no one to overhear, we kept speaking in whispers. It was a time of secrecy, I suppose, and we were the only ones privileged enough to know each other and confide in one another. My introduction was brief, but I offered my hand all the same. "Claire."

Tentatively, she took it and forced a small smile. I caught a glimmer of vague recognition in her distant gaze, and I wondered what she knew of me...

"Oh, so _you're_ the young farmer my daughter told me about over the phone the other day..."

My eyes widened when I realized what this may mean. I had wandered into the Inn, only to overhear the one-way conversation. _"Mommy is that you?"_ the child had asked cheerfully, her dark eyes filled with hope. _"You should meet the new farmer lady! She's my big sister, you know! She's really nice, and Grandpa likes her a lot, too!"_ There was a short pause before the little girl's voice fell and her tiny shoulders dropped. _"Oh, you can't come..."_ My heart had nearly broken to see such a darling child be thrown off her pedestal so carelessly. At the time, I had cursed the mother since I couldn't have known...

But could it be... _her_?

"Joanna?" I asked, uncomfortably sure I was right in my assumptions. Her smile faltered, and it was then I knew I had guessed correctly. So... _this_ was the woman who had left May behind in Barley's care? I had always imagined she was a wretched individual for leaving her child behind, but... now that I had found myself in a similar position, I couldn't help but wonder what _her _story was.

"So... you've heard of me, have you?" she wondered aloud as she shivered though whether it was from the cold or her fears, I didn't know for certain.

"Well... yes..." I agreed, hanging my head in shame. I could feel my cheeks warm while she continued to look past me. When I turned to follow her gaze, though, I realized she was studying the bench which rested between the shipper's harbor-side home and... _that_ place...

"Let's sit and talk a while, shall we?" she suggested while heading in that direction. I could only follow as my curiosity won over my heartache. Who could say when she would return to the village again? It would be my only chance to know what it meant to be that woman, or so I thought.

Although we had only just sat down, I was eager for her to begin. Joanna could most likely tell what was on my mind, yet she appeared to be considering whether or not she should tell me her side of the situation. All I really knew was that she had left to live in the city, returned with a little girl named May, and left her daughter with her aged father. She had never explained herself to anyone, not even to Barley, so I found it strange that she would bother to share her secrets with me, a stranger.

"I never wanted to have her," she said bluntly, drawing her jacket tighter around her body, nearly as frail as my own. "May... was never supposed to be born..."

We fell back into our uncomfortable silence, and I found myself barraged by a myriad of questions following her overly causal statement. Was the little girl an accident in her mother's eyes, or did she argue her child was nothing but a mistake? Could the woman truly _hate_ having such a sweetheart for a daughter? What had happened to bring her into the world if she hadn't been wanted? A result of carelessness or...

"Her father..." Joanna whispered, closing her eyes as if to shut out the memory of the man. I had twitched at the word she had used. Strange how a title that was meant to evoke feelings of warmth, of happiness, and of _family_ could be turned so bitter in just under a year. She drew her legs closer to her body before hiding her face, and I could faintly hear her choke back a sob although I didn't try to assure her that she would be alright.

Nothing was 'alright' for either of us, it seemed...

"I... I don't really remember that night," she mumbled though her confession. "But according to the police report... he broke into my apartment through the bathroom window. How... How the _hell _would I have thought to lock it?!"

"Did he..." I began before my voice failed me once again. My eyes flickered towards her as I clenched the wood planks of the bench tighter. She had already fallen apart because of my prodding, weak as my attempts were. I couldn't ask her something so horrifying, and I wouldn't ask her to give me any more than she already was willing to share.

She looked so... small compared to what I had envisioned. I had believed she would've been a haughty woman who walked with her head held high as she made her way down the streets of Mineral Town. Now that I had seen her, though, curled into a protective ball on the bench beside me, I came to understand how wrong I had been. She looked no different than me, and in fact, she really wasn't.

The pale skin... my own. The dulled eyes... my own. The _grief._..

...nothing but my own.

I was staring at myself within a mirror, and I felt my heart twist into a painful knot when I realized the horrifying truth. What sat beside me wasn't some _other _woman, for she was simply me after years of suffering. However, that didn't frighten me as much as another thought. It was just as terrifying to imagine sometime in the not too distant future, and I cringed to know it.

She reflected something _else_ which I had, too.

--

"Claire, you aren't crying again are you?" Popuri asked with concern as she greeted me at the door to her family's home. I didn't reply with words; I simply held her close to me and buried my face into her shoulder. My heart was heavy, and my thoughts raced while I built up my courage. If there was one thing the young woman was capable of, it was helping me to stand on my own. No wonder her brother was always able to remain strong throughout the years, despite how tiring she could be on one's patience at times.

"Popuri, did she tell you what's wrong?" I lifted my head ever so slightly to see over her shoulder only to fall upon the yellow bundle the young man held in the crook of his arm. Although my heart gave a start at the sight, I chose to take a long, deep and calming breath. I knew what I had to do, and some small part of me was actually relieved to accept it. I had been feeling as though I was holding that very same thing deep within in my heart, but it was only now that I understood what it was.

"Rick... May I see him?" I asked, reaching out my arms to my son. I could feel my face warm when I said it, and I almost giggled to see the poultry farmer's shocked expression as if it was the last thing he would've expected from me. It was soon replaced by a gentle smile as the tiny infant became nestled against my chest. I sighed with happiness, more than simply content to feel his small body in my care once again.

Joyful tears began to spill down my cheeks while I held him gingerly in my arms. I even allowed myself to gaze into his comforting brown eyes, and I marveled at how beautiful he truly was. How could I have ever refused to claim him as my own? He smelled... sweet, and his skin was soft to the touch. I also felt Rick's secure arms bring me into a reassuring hug, and the gaze in his eyes was filled with pride. I couldn't explain why, but I found I was blushing at his gesture.

"Mommy's so sorry she scared you, Lance," I whispered my apology into my baby's downy hair. Small, delicate fingers brushed away a tear then, and although I couldn't say for certain, I _knew_ I had been forgiven... by the sweetest of creations.

My own precious baby boy.


	5. Chapter Five

**Chapter Five**

**Promises**

My eyes were damp as I dipped my toes into the cool, still waters of the ocean. Rarely were the waves which lapped at the shore so eerily quiet and never was the night so dark that sea and sky were inseparable. I feared that it was a bad omen of some kind, so I brought my son closer to my chest to comfort me. He merely continued to sleep peacefully which was a blessing in itself, yet I found I could not see his gentle face in the shadows of a moonless evening. Only his warmth against my heart told me of his presence.

I smiled as I looked down at what I knew to be my baby. After I had parted from my hatred of Lance and his likeness to his father, I found he was a pure delight. Lillia had told me as much, of course. She was a wonderful mentor in the ways of motherhood, but I really shouldn't have expected anything less from her since she had obviously been the one to raise both Rick and Popuri on her own. She was a marvel, really. Not only had she lost her husband to his wild notions of being her noble hero when she would've fared far better with him at home, yet she had also found the strength to carry on without him.

_"For my children, I could face the heartache without ever feeling alone_," she had told me after I had asked what her unshakable will had stemmed from. _"I'm sure you can be strong for your child as well. You only need to realize you're never by yourself with him now."_ She gave me one of her signature, warm smiles which brought tears to my eyes before she held me in her frail arms. She promised me in barely a whisper as she rocked me gently, _"My family is your family, Claire... and we take good care of our own."_

The words were comforting as was the woman who embraced me in my most troubled times. I only wished I could repay her in some way, no matter how small, yet I knew she didn't want anything from me. She was her happiest when she gave to people. I admired for her shameless generosity even while I knew I would never share that trait with her. I fully admitted to being selfish at times, perhaps more often than not, but there were still people who loved me despite that part of my nature.

I had _every_ reason to feel loved...

However, as I gazed out into the abyss that was the horizon, I felt a shiver of anxiety race down my spine. It had been the last day of spring, yet Zack's ship hadn't returned from the mainland to the small harbor by the end of the evening. I was still waiting... No, I was _praying_ for my husband, for Kai, to come home. My heart was trembling with apprehension while I sat alone with our child at the very edge of the pier. Although the tide was low, I still feared the unseen depths at my feet. I closed my eyes, trying to block out whatever light remained in the darkness.

"Claire?" Rick's familiar voice asked as it brought me out of my solitude. He crouched down to sit beside me, crossing his legs. His large hand engulfed my shoulder, and I felt his reassuring grip tighten slightly in an attempt to comfort me. I had told him I'd be waiting for my husband, and even though I knew he wanted to protest, he had let me go. I could only guess how worried he must've been when I didn't return at nightfall. I never doubted he would come to look for me.

During the past season, he rarely left my side for long. He was nothing short of determined to see that all of my needs were met, whether they be physical or emotional. If I needed a shoulder to cry on, which was pathetically often, he would be there to offer his. After I had fainted due to my stubbornness to do more than I could handle, he had been the one holding my hand until I came to. While I was tending the fields every morning, he cared for Lance in my stead. I owed him so much that I couldn't repay the debt even after a _lifetime_.

Rick was _always_ there for me, it seemed. Even on the day of the Spring Thanksgiving Festival, the young man had tried his best to ease the burdens of my heart. I had just assumed it was because he felt _sorry_ for me, being that there would be no one to bring me cookies. My bullheadedness told me that it was another way of pitying me, but I accepted his kindness all the same. He was too good to me... compared with the man who became my husband.

Throughout our courtship, I had grown used to the fact that Kai would never be there to celebrate many of the festivals, including those that were meant for couples. However, there were times when he would surprise me, such as showing up in town for the Moon Festival, and this year, I had expected to receive my cookies through the mail as always.

But there was no mail that day, not even so much as a _card_. I told myself that it would just be coming later than expected, yet there was a nagging thought in the back of my mind that voiced all of my concerns of rejection. While it grew with each passing day, I became frantic again. I did my best to qualm my fears although everyone was well aware of my plight. They didn't say a word of it, and they tried to mask the pity in their eyes. I couldn't hate them for it any longer, though. I had come to accept it instead.

That only tore me apart even more.

After a week of hopeful promises to myself that my gift would come, I fell apart. I despised myself for it, of course. I had just started regaining my composure, my strength, and then _he_ had to make all of my efforts remain fruitless. I became a spiteful creature once more as I damned him to whatever hell existed. No longer would I cry myself to sleep at night, or so I told myself, because I wouldn't let another tear fall just because of _him_ and his worthlessness.

Even while I told myself all of these things, though, I didn't really feel the bitterness. What I felt was nothing more than loneliness, and I didn't know how to rid myself of it. I tried to remember Lillia's promises, but one thought kept plaguing me following every offered comfort...

_He promised you, too_.

Rick could see through my snide comments against my estranged husband. Each time I cursed the man, he wouldn't say a word for or against him. Gone was the overprotective brother who hated the traveller with all his heart, and in his place there was a tired young man. After Kai left me the year before, the poultry farmer hadn't made a single attack on his rival, and I was beginning to wonder why. Did he feel I said enough on my own? Was his anger towards the other only present when it concerned Popuri?

Or had he simply used up his strength in caring for _me_ of all people?

"I know it's kind of late for me to give these to you, but I thought it might cheer you up," he said, and by the sound of his voice, I could tell he was smiling. I raised an eyebrow before realizing it was too dark for him to see me, either, but after moving Lance into the crook of one arm, my free hand accepted what was a small box. Even without opening it, I had a good idea what it happened to be.

_Cookies..._

"Karen didn't bake them, did she?" I teased, and I could only guess it was to his surprise. I hadn't made a genuine joke since I found myself living on my own following years of having someone to rely on. Too bad I couldn't see the expression on his face. I could bet money that it was simply _priceless_, but unfortunately, it would go unseen.

"No way!" he cried out and laughed with me. It felt good to feel that bouncing sensation in my chest. I hadn't felt it in a very long time, and that in itself made it all the more enjoyable. How could one man hurt me only to have another heal me so quickly afterwards? The wound was still fresh, and yet I knew it was slowly closing during moments like this. When I was with Rick, my terrors drifted away into nothingness, bit by bit.

Would I still have these feelings that had begun to grow... after Kai returned to me?

My laughter stopped almost immediately, and the young man's soon cut short soon after. As though he had read my mind, I heard his strained voice say quietly, "He still hasn't come..."

"I-I know... I'm more afraid now than worried," I admitted, biting my lip. _Don't cry, Claire. If only for Rick's sake, you'd better not fall apart... Hold it all in..._

Suddenly, Lance's cries pierced the silence of the night, and we both jumped in surprise. I nearly sent the small bundle tumbling into the sea, and I had to wonder if I'd always have that trouble when I brought him here. "W-what's wrong with Mommy's little boy?" I cooed, kissing his soft skin while I tried to soothe him. _Are you crying for me?_ I thought sadly, cradling the infant with tender care. Perhaps he was hurting from the realization, too...

"Claire, I know this may sound strange," the poultry farmer began apprehensively, "but if... if he's hungry... I mean, it's too dark for me to see anything, so..."

Though I hadn't expected to so soon, I began to giggle once more, only this time at his nervousness. "Breast feeding is completely natural, Rick," I assured him. I had adopted the practice after reading it could strengthen the bond between mother and child, yet I had to admit it felt rather... strange. However, I couldn't help but remember how I had rejected my son in the beginning. Perhaps it could bring us closer together, and, in time, he might forgive me for my negligence during the very beginning of his young life. "Besides, you're mother made me one of those privacy slings."

"True," he agreed with a relieved sigh while I readjusted myself and my infant. I couldn't blame the man for his embarrassment since I was often troubled by the sight of it myself. Strange how I had only seen mothers in the _city_ breast feeding their children in public... However, I was far more discreet, preferring the security of my own home, or at the very least, I would conceal myself in the closest restroom. Of course, this was all before Lillia had been thoughtful enough to sew me my sling.

"Do you think..." I wondered aloud, "Kai would've stayed if he'd known about Lance?"

"You ask yourself that a lot, don't you?" he replied as his hand found mine. Knowing that I wanted a real answer and not another question from him, he soon continued, "I can't really say... since I'm not him, but I think he would've... He's not that big of an ass." He paused before retracting his last statement, "I shouldn't say that around the baby, should I?"

"Probably not," I said with a shrug, not really sure on how much infants could understand. Adults had a bad habit of babbling to begin with, so I was certain it wouldn't leave any impressions on the child. "Anyway, I guess I _have_ to wonder because I'll never really know."

"Can't you ask him when he-"

"Rick..." I muttered coldly, trying not to upset myself in the process and failing miserably. "We both know he isn't coming back." And with those words, I choked on a sob until I let the terrible reality sink in, and my tears fell freely, no longer held back by blatant denial. _Kai wouldn't be coming home this summer..._

I had finally said it, not only to the man next to me, but to _myself_ as well. I hadn't been able to allow myself to admit to the truth because I was so afraid of what would happen to me. I didn't want those ugly feelings of rejection to bubble back to the surface and overwhelm me again once I had felt they were no longer a part of me. However, I was wrong to think I could heal so quickly on my own. Being alone couldn't fill that void which resulted from abandonment, and I'd been foolish to ever believe it could.

A familiar arm wrapped snugly around my narrow shoulders and drew me close to him. Effortlessly, he had turned me to face him completely, and he brought me into a gentle embrace, our bodies parted slightly to keep from crushing Lance's small body between us. I could feel Rick shake as he held me, as if he were... I found I couldn't even handle a coherent thought as the realization that he was... _Why on earth would he be... What for?_

"A-are you crying?" I managed to squeak into his neck as his silky hair brushed my face.

"I know I don't have the right to cry when _you're_ the one hurting, Claire," he mumbled, running his fingers tenderly through my hair. "But I was just hoping that for your sake... that that _coward_ would come back."

"But you-"

"Yes, I know... I _hate_ the bastard," he cursed bitterly, followed by a cruel chuckle. "But dammit, Claire... I don't want to see you being alone anymore."

My eyes widened in bewilderment. He would put aside his grudge for _me_ of all people? Rick's loathing towards Kai was something of local legend, yet he was still willing to bury the hatchet if it kept me from being lonely... He _never_ would've approved of the other man had Popuri been the one pining, but he...

"Why _me? _Tell me why..." I whispered, too stunned to cry any longer. Rick said nothing in reply, merely shaking his head. I relaxed my body, too weak from heartbreak and confusion to resist melting in the young man's arms. I breathed in his scent of a warm home and the comforting people who lived there. I thought of his hopeless overly protective streak... Popuri's infectious happiness... and Lillia's boundless kindness. Lance and I, we had a _family_, with or without Kai being a part of it.

In the darkness of that night, I still had found a small flicker of light for myself, and I _knew_ I wasn't so alone... not when I knew I had someone like Rick to rely on.


	6. Chapter Six

**Chapter Six**

**Eyes**

I always wondered where I could find the human soul should it truly exist, and after all that time, I've finally come to accept that perhaps that the only way I came to find the answer was because of the people who chose to stare at me. Although I couldn't say I blamed them for their curiosity, I was tired of feeling pitied especially on days like this. They could not only see that he was absent, but they could also _feel_ it in the very air around them. After all, Beach Day _was_ Kai's signature festival, yet he was noticeably absent while I remained present... and alone.

However, Rick and Popuri soon came to my rescue when they chose to sit beside me in the shelter of the beach umbrella. Even after I had left Lance in Lillia's care for the day, she had insisted her children bring us a picnic lunch and enjoy ourselves, and I certainly wasn't one to refuse her offer. I had to smile when I happened to realize what she had packed for us, though.

Of course there were spa boiled eggs for Rick, and to Popuri's delight, her mother had sent omelette rice along for her. I suppose they may have seemed horribly predictable dishes, being that they both lived and worked on a poultry farm, but I never expected anything less from them. They were passionate about what they did for a living, and that was as good of an explanation as any. _Me_ on the other hand... Well, in all honesty, I didn't care for eggs unless they were absolutely necessary to a recipe.

Therefore, I was happily surprised to see a container filled to the brim with fried noodles. The siblings made a face, but I only chuckled lightly to myself. Lillia really knew how to spoil a girl.

"Are you going to swim, Claire?" Popuri asked me while trying to mask her excitement. Her pink curls had been braided and made into loops on either side, but even though they were cute, I wasn't sure about asking her to do mine. When she caught me looking a her, though, she piped in, "I'll put your hair up nice, too!"

"What's the point of putting her hair up if it's just going to get wet," her brother scoffed, eating an egg whole.

"Because it won't be a tangled mess later!" she explained, sticking her tongue out at the young man.

"Now, now," I scolded them gently "Let's not get our feathers in a bunch, hmm?" I offered, trying not to laugh at the terrible pun. Then I turned back to the young woman and smiled. "I don't think I'm going to swim, but I'd like to see what you can do with this... _mess_," I replied with a laugh as I held up the snarls of blonde hair. It wasn't much of a surprise that I hadn't slept well the night before with Lance waking up and crying off and on during the night, but I still had no excuse for my tragic appearance. The fact that I had no intentions of revealing what lay under my light blue, gingham sundress was just as understandable, though. After all, my body had changed quite a bit since the last summer.

"Why _not?"_ Popuri gasped, her ruby eyes brimming with tears of betrayal. "You _love_ to swim!"

"I know..." I agreed wistfully with a sigh. "But with all this baby weight I-"

"Claire, you're _underweight_ if anything," Rick lectured me, his voice rigid. Then he added in a much softer tone, "Besides... you look very nice today." His cheeks were brushed with a light scarlet, yet the reflection of the sun on his lenses prevented me from seeing what hid behind them. I couldn't help but wonder what those eyes saw when they happened to look at me, but I quickly shook my head, scattering the thought.

"Oh, Rick..." his sister sighed with exasperation. "Just _tell_ her."

"Tell me _what?"_ I insisted, sitting up straight which Popuri took to mean I was ready to have my hair done. However, my gaze was fixated on the young man, who's cheeks had become a deeper shade of red, across from me. He was dressed... differently than usual. Even in the sweltering summer heat, I had never seen him without his green sweater, yet he wasn't wearing _any_ of his normal clothing. Instead, he had a white, breezy button down shirt and his green swimming trunks on. He'd even put his hair up into a loose ponytail.

I caught a few of the other girls taking notice of this, too, and Karen whispered something to Elli which sent them into a fit of giggles. Strange how a man once referred to affectionately by 'chicken boy' would become the eye candy of the beach...

_He looks handsome, _I thought shamefully before shaking my head once again.

"Don't move please," the young woman chirped, pulling my hair into what I assumed would be a French-braid before continuing to grill her brother. "You really should say it for Goddesses sake!" Not even waiting for a reply, she proceeded to answer her own question, "Fine then, _I'll _tell her." He was about to protest until she blurted, "Rick said you looked really _beautiful_ when we first got here." I blinked a few times before the word registered completely into my dulled mind.

_Beautiful... Me?_

"Popuri!" he shrieked which caused everyone to turned to us and stare. I felt their eyes fall on us, on _me_, and I quickly began to withdraw into my protective shell. Blue, black, brown, green... all of the orbs centered on me at once, and the siblings and their squabble dissolved into absolute silence within my stilled thoughts. They say that eyes are the window into the soul, so I had to ask myself what kind of spirits dwelled in my neighbors. Did the colors symbolize something, or were they reflections of what lay inside?

_"You're eyes are so beautiful, Claire,"_ a smooth voice rang within my clouded memories. _"They always tell me that you're a woman who loves with passion, and that's what this romance is all about. Isn't it?"_

Although I tried to shut him out with all the rest, it was Kai that I heard most clearly. _Yes... he was the one who told me those things_, I remembered faintly. When women speak of the man of their dreams, one trait always resurfaces. Of course it could be summarized in one word. C_harming._ And Goddess knows, that man was the _perfect_ definition...

His smile could melt the coldest hearts, and the words that came from his lips were as sweet as the taste of them tenderly upon my own. However, it was nothing more than a fantasy... I should've known that he'd slip away in the same manner in which he came, for he had never been anything else besides an eel. All he had done, and now I realized would _ever_ do, was follow the sun. His bronzed skin was an alter to the eternal summer, and his character was cut from the fabric of the generic beach boy.

_No... that's not all there is to him, and you know it, even now._

"Claire?"

Rick's voice brought me out of my thoughts abruptly, yet I found I felt relieved. My hand instinctively fell on my chest, but when he raised an eyebrow, I tried to laugh away my anxiety. "Yes?" I replied, my own words sounding sickeningly sugary to my own ears.

"Don't worry about what Popuri just said, alright?" he pleaded quietly, touching my arm reassuringly. "She enjoys getting a good rise out of me is all..." I glanced over to where the young woman had joined the other girls from town in the shallow waves. They all looked so at peace with the world, and I wondered if they would ever have to suffer a throbbing pain similar to the one in my heart. I could only watch from afar and pray for their happiness, for mine was far too gone by now.

"It's okay," I said with a false smile. I doubted anyone had uttered that statement intending anything but a lie, and yet... people continued to believe in it for the most part. However, I wouldn't fall prey to another like it because I knew where the truth rested. The soul itself cannot deceive, and if what I had come to understand was correct, the only place where one could see through to someone's soul... was in their eyes.

Perhaps that's exactly why I couldn't read people like Rick. Although he was often ridiculed for wearing glasses in hisr younger years, and occasionally during the latter ones, the truth of who he was and what he thought was was shielded from me. The lenses reflected only myself back at me which kept me forever on the outside, trying in vain to look in.

"Are you sure you're feeling alright?" the young man asked, placing the back of his hand against my forehead. "You don't feel too warm, but maybe I should take you to the clinic. It might be heat exhaustion..."

"No, Rick," I sighed, brushing his hand aside with my slender fingers. "I'm just a little tired."

"I figured you wouldn't get any sleep," he agreed, leaning back onto his hands. We gazed out over the water while we thought back on the night before. His words had rang through my restless dreams the entire, black night. _"I don't want to see you being alone anymore_._"_ Whenever I went back to what he had said, I felt my chest constrict painfully, yet I couldn't understand why it affected me in such a way.

He was bitter and angry, but it wasn't his own personal grudge that he held against the other man. It was a hate that stemmed from seeing _me_ being hurt, and although I knew what it may mean for the two of us, I wouldn't let myself read between the lines. I thought I had learned what words could do to strangle a heart, but I wanted to hear him _say_ what he meant. One simple request was burned into my memory which could open the door to my sealed heart.

_"Tell me why..."_

But something in me understood it wouldn't be an easy answer for me to accept, and that was the reason he wouldn't whisper a single reply. Rick was waiting... However, I was unsure of _what_ he wanted from me since I had very little to give. In the past year, I pressed onward- no matter the cost- until I had finally found myself spent. I was empty inside without Kai to fulfill me. Though I had come to love Lance, he was no more than a baby, and I could never ask for something of my own child.

So what could this man hope to gain from me?

When his face came so close to mine, I noticed something. His glasses, the barrier between us, were mysteriously absent. I glanced down to see they rested in his hand, and therefore, there were no lenses for him to protect himself behind. He had brought down his shield, and he left himself vulnerable to me in the process. As I dared to search his blue-green eyes, I asked myself what their color revealed about the young man, but I knew the answer all along. They weren't passionate, nor romantic...

They just were.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Chapter Seven**

**Wounds**

"Did you see them at the festival?"

"Which one, Manna? They went to both of them."

"The first."

"I honestly felt the last one was rigged in her favor since he just _happens_ to be the judge."

"You know better than to say that sort of thing, Anna! Henrietta is one tough chicken, after all..."

"Sasha, you're _only_ defending them because he's your best friend's son."

"Now, girls, we've gotten ourselves off topic. Besides, we _all_ know he was the one to raise that hen since he's spent the past year _working_ with her. Like I was saying, don't you think they've become suspiciously close since her husband left last fall? You know I used to think highly of that rogue... Oh dear! What if I'm the cause of that poor girl's grief? I_ did_ try to steer her towards him, after all!"

"Manna, you couldn't have _known_ he'd leave her... He never did the past anyway which has me wondering what made him do so _this_ year."

"Besides, _you_ haven't done anything nearly as terrible compared to me telling Rod about that _blasted_ flower... I regret it to this day whenever I happen to see our dear friend walk to the clinic every Sunday."

"Speaking of Lillia... Do you suppose you could ask her about their relationship when you go visit her next Tuesday? She _must_ know _something!"_

"Ask her yourself! _I'm_ not going to be one responsible for putting her fragile health in decline by bringing it up."

"Perhaps we shouldn't discuss this any more..."

"For heaven's sake, Anna, this is big news! If those two are getting together while her husband is gone, it'll be the scandal of the century in this town! Oh, and can you imagine what would happen should he return to find her in the arms of another man? His _rival_ no less!"

"He doesn't even know about the baby... does he?"

"Oh, Sasha, you're _right! _What if the child was _grown_ by the time he came back? That poor, poor girl..."

By the time I had been able to tear myself away from the square, I was completely numb to my own endless stream of tears. However, I wasn't about to flee to the first place I considered since it was no longer a safe haven for me. The only refuge I had left was my own home, yet I knew what, or rather _who_, would be waiting there for me. What would they say if they knew about him being there all this time?

I slammed my door mercilessly on its hinges, breathless and silently sobbing, which caused the young man at the dinning table to snap his head up from the documents he'd been pouring over. His glasses had slid down the bridge of his nose, yet he could only blink at me as if he were waiting for an explanation. However, there were only two words my mouth could form properly at that moment, and I didn't hesitate long in saying them.

"Get out."

Without a single protest, Rick stood up from his chair... and walked right past me, towards the open door. I refused to look at him, yet I could feel his eyes fall onto me. They were filled with understanding, not pity, as he left the small farmhouse. I didn't move a single muscle or twitch an eyebrow until I heard the door softly click shut, and even then, I only let my arms fall limp at my sides. I stood in that stunned state for what seemed like hours while I let my vision blur and fade.

At last, I cried out in complete frustration, and I let myself crumple to the floor.

Bringing my arms and legs up into a tight ball, I lay there in the empty space. Rick had only been staying here for little over a week, yet the house felt eerily still without his presence. Although Lance had begun to cry, I wasn't able to care for my infant at the moment, and I was certain it had been the commotion that had woken him. It wouldn't be neglectful for me to leave him be since I felt I didn't have to care for him. After all, Rick had been home to make sure his needs were met...

It had been so long since I had cared for myself, much less everything _else_ to know the answer. I doubted very highly that I _could_ manage the farm, the baby, _and_ me all at the same time, and I was stricken with horror. As quickly as I had fallen to the floor, I brought myself back upright, and I scrambled over to the paperwork which Rick had been pouring over when I had burst into the room. I held them up and tried to make sense of what was finished and what still had to be done, yet I couldn't understand where he had begun and where he'd left off.

_There's no way... I can't do this..._

Rick had only come to live with me because he was afraid to leave me on my own. I was certain it was for this simple reason. There was nothing else to it, but if they... those rotten _witches_... caught wind of the arrangement, surely he would become public enemy number one. I couldn't help but notice the irony in that statement, but this matter didn't concern Kai... at least not directly.

I felt defeated as I shuffled over to my bed where Lance was sleeping peacefully once more, and I smiled weakly at him as I imagined all the young hearts he'd steal one day. He was remarkably handsome... even as an infant. However, there was a lingering concern which continued to plague me inside. _What if I can't raise him by myself?_

If Lance had been a baby girl, I might have a chance and no need to worry, but everyone had heard at least _one_ horror story of a boy gone bad. Usually, it was a lack of a father figure that began the resulting downward spiral, and my son was undoubtably caught in that very real scenario. My heart ached to consider it, and I ran a slender finger down my infant's gently sleeping face. Tears began to well in my eyes again, but they were droplets of relief because I knew it was a lie.

Lance _would_ have a father... the best there ever could be.

--

Although I had come to the poultry farm filled with determination, I could feel my resolve falter just as I came to the farm just across from my own. I had just sent Rick out of my home not long before, yet I marched right back to inform him that I had decided he was to act as my child's father? He had no reason to agree to my proposal, and given the way in which I had turned away his kindness, I would be shocked if he was was willing to so much as see me. However, it was far too late for me to turn back to my own property...

"Clare, are you looking for Rick?"

I jumped and spun around to be greeted by none other than Popuri. Even with her ever present and cheery smile, I immediately recognized there was something... _different_ about her appearance. Her soft pink hair was still in its proper place, and she was wearing her crimson skirt and black corset as always. It was what she wore _over_ he everyday attire that had thrown me off considerably.

She was wearing her brother's blue apron, and not only that, but it was _soiled_ as well.

The young woman giggled when she caught me staring at her with my mouth slightly agape. "Didn't he tell you?" she asked with excitement vibrating in her light and airy voice. "I'm taking care of the chickens now!" My eyes widened with considerable surprise to hear that bit of news since I never would've expected Rick to make such a drastic decision... on his _own_ at least.

Just as I thought this, Popuri piped up once again. "Karen was the one to get him to change his mind... Something about him getting gray hair, I guess? I didn't really get it, but if it made him think I'm ready for the job, then I shouldn't complain!"

"Of course," I replied with a genuine, albeit small, smile. "I hate to ask, but could you please tell me where he happened to run off to?"

"Sure thing! He told Momma and me he was going to the church because he had something to tell Carter," she explained. Although I couldn't be certain, I thought I saw the young woman blush at the mentioning of the strange, yet youthful, reverend. Even so, I had far more on my mind than I could manage without dabbling in another's affairs, and after thanking her kindly, I allowed my feet to carry me along the most direct route to the church...

The town square.

_--_

I couldn't help but be apprehensive as I made my way through the large, open space. My heart was racing wildly when I came upon the three demons, yet I kept my face rigid and firm. I would _not_ give them the satisfaction of breaking me down once again. However, through instinct, I brought the small yellow bundle in its sling protectively against my chest. I couldn't, and _wouldn't_, allow them to speak illy of him, nor would I let him hear any of it.

Even with my assured strides, the women were quick to call out to me. "Claire, _sweetheart_, we were just wondering about you!" Manna's shrill voice summoned me to their circle. While she took me by the arm, I happened to see the apologetic looks on her companions faces, but whether they were pitying me or truly sorry for discussing my crisis was unknown to me.

"So you _must_ tell us!" the town gossip continued to rattle on. "Are you and Rick having an _affair?"_ The woman nearly squealed with excitement as she prepared herself for the onslaught of confessions, and most likely tears. Though I was a bit stunned, I felt my bullheaded nature return to the surface, and I bit my tongue. I wouldn't let them shake me up. I could stand tall, with or without Rick by my side.

"I'm sorry, ladies, but I certainly don't think that's any business of _yours_," I replied curtly. I kept my chest puffed up proudly, but I heard my own voice waver with uncertainly as I stood my ground. If it weren't for my infant in my hards, I clearly would've been trembling.

"Oh, darling..." Anna began, running a delicate hand over her raven waves. "E_verything_ is _everyone's_ business in _this_ town. Besides, wouldn't it be better for you to lay it all out?"

"Yes," Manna agreed with vigor. "And you _know_ we _never_ bend the truth when we it comes _straight_ from the source of the matter. Now, don't you think it's time you let it all go? I mean, after all, what have you got to lose? With your husband gone and raising a child, a _boy_ no less, on your own, it's only _expected_ you'd want a responsible young man like Rick as a fallback."

"Don't _say_ such things!" Sasha scolded with a stomp of her foot.

"Sasha has been kind enough to defend you thus far, but I can't help but agree with Manna on this ordeal."

"Anyway, why don't you confess your feelings for him already? This isn't the middle ages any more, and young women should be more forward to begin with if you ask me. _Rick_ certainly isn't going to be the one to-"

"Be the one to _what_ exactly?"

After being barraged by so many questions, I was suddenly brought back into consciousness, and I saw the young man standing at my side. His glasses reflected the afternoon sun, but although I longed to see his reassuring eyes, it served to make him a rather intimidating figure. I could tell his jaw was rigid as he gritted his teeth to hold back his angry to the best of his ability. I also felt something tightened around my fingers, and I made a small squeak of surprise as I realized he was holding my hand. He softened his grip slightly, but I held on fiercely, afraid I may lose him.

Doing so, the tears I'd been holding to desperately through the whole ordeal began to fall freely down my cheeks. I could feel them burning with shame and embarrassment, but I was soon pulled away gently towards my property. I winced as he dragged me along behind him. Finally, I was able to make a single, quiet plea. "Rick..."

He glanced back and gave me an apologetic smile before loosening his hold on me. "S-sorry, Claire. I just _hate_ to hear them talk about us... about _you_ that way."

"I-it's okay," I tried to assure him, a warm brush of scarlet spreading across our faces.

"Please don't lie to me," he mumbled, tucking a rebellious strand of hair behind my ear which only made me blush a deeper shade of crimson. "It's _anything_ but okay... although I've got to admit I can't believe Sasha would be that-"

"Rick, she _wasn't_!" I insisted, tugging on his apron in exasperation. "She was _defending_ me, Rick, so please don't be upset with her. I-it's my fault to begin with."_ I can't break down again... not now._ "I mean, I was relying on you so much, and I-"

Before I could stammer out another word, I felt the warm tug of his lips against my own, and my whole body went weak with shock. It wasn't like during the Starry Night when I had given him a light peck in thanks. This was something _far_ more serious, filled with implications I was afraid of, and yet... I couldn't pull away from him. Instead, I found as I closed my eyes that I was leaning _into_ his body, and if Lance hadn't been snugly between us, I would've clung to the young man with everything I could muster.

When he drifted away from me, I felt numb, yet I found it was a strangely comforting sensation. I didn't feel empty although I wasn't certain what had filled the space. Glancing over towards him, I remembered that I still had a request for him. However, I realized I didn't need to ask because it was clear how he felt about me, yet I wasn't sure what I could do for him. I was afraid of trying to return his affections because there was still one wound that I couldn't heal so quickly...

_Kai._


	8. Chapter Eight

**Chapter Eight**

**Choices**

"Claire, do you need anything from the kitchen?"

I smiled up at the young man across from me, one of the many times since he had come to live with me and my son permanently. Summer had begun to wane, yet the warmth in our home continued to hang heavily over me. Although I felt assured having me living with us, I was also increasingly uncertain with my own feelings. I had tried to convince myself that it was an innocent arrangement, yet I continued to remain doubtful concerning such a thing. It was more than kindness or generosity that kept him here.

"No," I replied at last, cradling Lance in my arms while he nursed. "I'm alright, but if you're hungry, I'm afraid you'll have to prepare it yourself."

He laughed quietly, no longer uncomfortable with the behavior. When his face came close to my own, his eyes were so intense. I felt as though they were searching for something within me. However, it would seem whatever he desired either wasn't there or hadn't fully ripened, for he pulled away without another glance. I mentally sighed with disappointment, but I immediately felt guilty for it.

Why had I been hoping for him to kiss me?

My cheeks warmed considerably to realize that thought, and I desperately shut those feelings away. I wasn't prepared to confront that part of me which had been steadily growing within me over the past year. I moaned inside my mind and leaned over the table while resting my chin in my hand. Things were supposed to be coming together, but parts of me were still falling away.

"Are you sure you don't need anything?" Rick asked, resting his large hand on my narrow shoulder. I shook my head at first, but then I reconsidered. I didn't want him near me right then.

"Actually... Could you brew me some tea?" I offered, attempting a genuine smile. He looked at me skeptically before he nodded and returned to the kitchen, and my smile faded quickly when he'd left me with my own thoughts for a while. I glanced at the project we'd been working on together, and I lifted what rested on top of the scattered pile. It was a beautiful photo of my wedding day...

...with Kai.

He was incredibly handsome although I hated to remember him as such. His appearance had been memorable, perhaps even more so than my own. His tux was unconventional at best with its white suit coat and tacky red bow-tie, but the thing that had caused the greatest amount of comments was his bandanna. He had _insisted_ he be allowed to wear it for the ceremony.

_"Why shouldn't I wear it?" _he had remarked while dressing me in my gown_._ Although nearly the whole town protested, he'd never been one for superstitions, and now I had to wonder if they were in fact true. After all, him not being here was more than bad luck within our marriage. It was a disaster... _"Besides, no one would recognize me if I_ didn't_ wear it."_

"You still think about him... don't you?" the young man questioned me, setting down the tea cup and saucer with a clink which brought me out of the past.

"The better question is how _can't_ I?" I replied with a heavy sigh. "Rick... he was... and _is_ my husband. He..." Another sigh. "I can't forget about him so easily."

"I understand," he agreed, trying to take my hand into his own. I pulled away gently so as to not upset him, yet the hurt was clearly present in his eyes. He glanced at the picture and smirked, "He really did look ridiculous..."

"Do you really think so?" I asked with a laugh.

"Can you blame me?" he teased, shaking his head in amusement. "_You_ on the other hand... He might have been the one to marry you, but _I_ walked you down the aisle."

"Of course, I could never forget." He had been the one crying during the entire event as well... "You really acted like a father giving away his daughter as a bride," I complimented him while I smiled sweetly. His cheeks were tinged with crimson, and an embarrassed grin snuck across his face. I had begun to notice how he would tuck his hair back when he was nervous. It was far removed from what Kai's habits were.

If Kai was nervous or embarrassed, both rarities, he would never show it in an obvious way. He'd rub the back of his neck or talk a little more than usual at a faster pace. Both were very subtle signs, and I only realized all this after I had married him. The charming attitude and affectionate behavior never waned, yet I never found myself wondering if it had all been an act. After all, he certainly had performed well enough to trick me into believing I'd never be left on my own.

How could I have been such a _fool?_

Rick never pretended. His emotions were very real although he wasn't quite as expressive with them. However, he could be passionate when he was worried, and in the beginning, I'd assumed he was an angry young man. When he would talk about Kai, he was unable to mask how he felt. It frightened me terribly, yet I was assured by everyone that Rick was only concerned for Popuri's welfare. I had accepted this, and thus, I slowly grew to respect him for his protective nature...

But when Kai first arrived, the other's warnings became nothing more than rumors in the wind. Who could've believed that a charming smile would hide so much? I had become illusional with visions of a _perfect_ romance, and in the process, I fell in love with a fantasy. The rogue was everything I had envisioned as a little girl, but I was foolish to assume that life imitates childish fancies which was the biggest failure in my brief life.

"Claire, I didn't mean to make you cry," Rick sighed, brushing away a tear I hadn't realized begun to fall. I shook my head slowly before returning my gaze to the wedding photo. I ran my finger along the curve of my husband's cheek. _Where could he be?_ I wondered. Why did he leave me here? I could still remember the words he had whispered in my ear before he boarded the one-way ferry.

_"Wait for me, darling..."_

Such beautiful words were meaningless to me while I sat at the kitchen table with another man. I couldn't deny that the one who should be at my side had been replaced in the throws of loneliness, and I felt the guilt beginning to eat at my heart. Not only was I _searching_ for someone to fill the void, but I was also _using_ someone for that purpose. It was cruel... More than that, it was selfish... Even so, though I knew these things, I had chosen to act on these notions. I was far more wretched than my wayward husband.

"I don't know if I'm even _supposed_ to forget about him," I whispered. What would I do if Kai ever returned? In one year or ten... there was always a chance he'd come back to Mineral Town, and perhaps he'd seek me out in what had been our home. If I should take Rick in his absence, and he resurfaced... I didn't know how I'd be able to choose between the two, and it was becoming apparent it may be a choice that I'd have to make one day soon.

Every time I would catch Rick gazing at me, I would see the glimmer of love in his eyes. It had been there for a long time, but it was only after Kai had disappeared that I realized what he felt for me. Maybe it was simply because he wasn't as showy as his rival. Whatever my reasons for not noticing before, I really had no excuse for leading him on.

For each kindness, I simply took whatever he gave, and I never considered what motives lay behind the gift. I had also showered him in presents, but I did so merely return his favors. Or so I had always believed... If I had known how Rick felt towards me earlier, would I have fallen in love with him from the beginning?

"Do you remember what day it is today?" he asked rather suddenly, his head turned towards the calender over my end table.

"The twenty-second," I replied casually before it suddenly hit me. The date was circled in bright red, and I wondered how on _earth_ I could've missed it. It had once been burned into memory, yet after I had found myself abandoned, I had completely dismissed its significance. _Today is..._

"It's Lance's half-birthday," he mused with a faint smile. I blinked in surprise at his answer, but I had to giggle, no matter how weak it sounded inside my own head to do so.

"Yes, you're absolutely right," I agreed. Glancing down at my child, I felt a tinge of loneliness, but it was soon replaced by a warm sensation. When we're young, we have no questions, and so we can accept things as they are in the moment. Perhaps that's why they can cry only to laugh in the following instant. "How can we celebrate a half-birthday?" I wondered aloud.

"By thinking about the good things in our lives," Rick answered, leaning closer to me. I didn't even have a single thought of anyone else as I felt him kiss my forehead.

And maybe that was for the best.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Chapter Nine**

**Aches**

Mornings were tragic events which I always tried to avoid as well as I could. Sometimes I would refuse to open my eyes in an attempt to shut out the reality of who happened to be in my bed beside me. I desperately told myself over and over that it was my _husband_ nestled against me, not another man, and I made myself believe the rest of the ordeal was nothing but a nightmare. I would do my very best to cling to such a lie. However, all my efforts were rendered futile when I opened my eyes.

It would only take a glimpse for me to realize the ugly truth. Whether my first sight in the early light of dawn revealed his awkward, bony frame or the strawberry blonde strands which fell onto my cheeks, I was always reminded of what was, instead of what should've been. Even his scent was different from what I had been yearning for. While Kai had smelled of salt and the crisp ocean breezes, Rick reminded me of the soil and the hearth of the home. It's strange how such characteristics were ever present in my life as nothing less than horrible memories of what I'd lost.

At the very least, they could quit revealing themselves to me in every waking moment.

Rick's arms were wrapped protectively around my waist, and my face was nestled in his chest. I felt dirty being so close to him in such an intimate position, yet there was very little I could do without waking him. Although I wanted to tear away from him in a panic, I remained absolutely still, and I did my best to calm myself down into a rational mindset. It wasn't surprising that he was acting so familiar with me since I hadn't given him any reason not to. I could've always protested his subtle advances, but I refused to distance myself from him.

Tonight was the fireworks festival, and I knew immediately that he expected to take me to the romantic event. However, I wasn't sure of myself anymore. Though a part of me urged myself to let go of what had been, something deep within me scolded me for my selfishness. The thoughts over infidelity had finally begun to sink in as cruel understanding. Regardless of the yearnings in my heart, I remained a married woman, for even as an estranged wife, I still had a husband out there... _somewhere... _all the same.

It was 'until death do us part,' after all.

Living in the county meant I had to abide more strictly by that vow. If I had returned to the city after my ordeal, I could've easily slipped away into the folds of everyday society without another thought. No one would've known about my relationship status among the faceless crowds and towering structures of concrete and steel. However, this was Mineral Town, and although it had the charms of plaster and brick homes, cobbled streets, and an old world charm, there were times in which it became a prison.

As the incident in the town square had proved, Anna's words continued to ring true. _"Everything is everyone's business in this town..."_

They were welcoming enough in the beginning, I suppose, yet their feelings towards me changed soon enough when I took an interest in the young traveler. Although Manna and the other women in the village found Kai incredibly charming, the truth remained that they continued to alienate him as someone who could never be one of their own. Therefore, my close affiliation with him had blemished my own reputation by extension of his own, and I had slowly began to realize that perhaps Rick would be drawn into the vicious cycle as well. It was a horrifying understanding, yet I feared it could very well be true.

"Claire, did you have another nightmare?" Rick asked me groggily, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes which were still glazed over with dreaming. He pulled me closer, but I grew stiff under his touch. _We shouldn't be this close__,_ my thoughts scolded me, yet when I saw the hurt in his gaze, I let myself fall limp with a sigh. He smoothed back my bangs and kissed me tenderly on the forehead which made me flinch involuntarily. His eyebrow raised in troubled confusion.

"I'm sorry," I apologized weakly, rolling over and turning my back to him. I curled up into a ball in order to close the feelings off from him, yet I knew he could see every ounce of what I was experiencing. "I just-"

As I began to explain, I heart Lance's shrill cry from where he had been sleeping next to me, opposite from Rick. I immediately went for him, crawling over the bedding in nothing more covering me than my nightgown. Though it may have seemed a strange point for me to discuss, I was incredibly self-conscious of myself around him. With Kai... that was another matter entirely. This man wasn't my husband, and I had to continually remind myself of that fact.

_Is it really any better if you have to scold yourself to keep you from falling in love with someone else?_

With that thought, my eyes began to mist over, yet I held back the tears with everything that I could muster. I had a reason to keep moving forward, and it lay right in front of me if I chose to look at it. Lance was the middle ground for me. Although his image brought back a flood of painful memories, he also had filled the empty spaces left by his father's absence. He had truly brought Rick into my life, yet at the same time he didn't bind me to the poultry farmer. In the end, we were still nothing more than a mother and her child.

But I knew... that wasn't _all_ I needed to comfort me in this moment. I needed to believe I was making the right decisions, so then perhaps I'd have the chance to ease the aching in my heart. It was a throbbing pain, yet there was nothing I could do to quiet it any longer. Perhaps it was wrong of me, but I had been hoping Rick would be able to heal me. Even so, he had deepened the cut unintentionally, and because I wasn't able to bring myself to push him away, he-

"Claire." Rick's tone was firm which was not what I had expected from him at all. I could feel my insides tighten to hear him say my name so forcefully.

"Y-yes?" I stammered once I'd realized that I had completely forgotten I was still on my hands and knees. My cheeks warmed, yet I tried to brush it off as best I could regardless of how uncomfortable I felt under his gaze.

"Do you want me to go?" he asked quietly, his eyes never wavering from me. I kept my back turned to him while I rocked Lance gently. My breath shook as I thought over his question. Did I truly want him to leave, or was I simply afraid of these new feelings that had begun to stir? Lately, I could never be certain...

"No," I said at last with a sigh. I truly didn't want him to leave just yet although I didn't want to admit it, even to myself. I hated to recognize his feelings for me, yet I knew I'd be devastated without his love supporting me unconditionally. Why couldn't there be a simple solution for this situation? If my husband had been dead- Not that I _wanted_ Kai to turn up dead, of course...

_But is that why he didn't come back for me?_

Right then, my heart cracked under the weight of that thought. If Kai was dead, then there was no reason to continue pining for him. However, I had no proof of this... nor did I want any. For him to be gone... The tears began to slip down my cheeks like beautiful crystal pearls, and I started to tremble. I bit my lip to keep my composure, yet the images continued to flood my mind. A car accident, a capsized ship, a derailed train, drowning, murder, suicide... _death._

Though they were all irrational, I couldn't help but see such horrible visions playing themselves over and over through my thoughts. I felt my body violently shake until I had to take a tight hold of myself to keep my body from falling apart under the strain. My eyes glazed over, and so I shut them which only made the visions all the more real and horrific. In every waking nightmare, my name was the last word on he ever uttered.

_"Claire..."_

Whenever Kai said my name, I always felt special. There was never a time in which he said it that I felt threatened or hurt, for even while we stood on the pier that night, I felt comforted to hear him say it. I _had_ to believe he meant what he said. I didn't feel as though I really had a choice in the matter...

_"Wait for me, darling."_ Those sweet, sweet words... weren't uttered in order to be meaningless. Kai wouldn't try to deceive me... right?

A warm hand rested on my shoulder, but I refused to look back at first. I couldn't stop the tremors... or the crying. I wanted him near me, closer than any other, yet at the very same time, I wanted him far away, even further than my estranged husband. My heart and my mind were at odds with each other while I caught myself stumbling through the aches of confusion and uncertainty. Everything that I ever was had been shaken, not merely my body.

"I know I shouldn't ask you... but I was hoping you might want to join me for the Fireworks Festival tonight?" Rick offered, gently rubbing my back as my tears splashed over Lance's small face. My infant stared up at me with his chocolate brown orbs, and I felt my soul give way. Kai's warm and reassuring gaze was in his son's own eyes, and although I wasn't certain, I could hear my love's voice ringing in the echoes of my consciousness.

--

Rick rested his head on the top of my own while we stood together at the end of the pier. I'd been hesitant to watch the show from there for obvious reasons, yet he had coaxed me to join him at that _precise_ location. My ship had already gone out to sea, yet here I was, waiting for it to return. Although I smiled up at the young man at my side, I could still hear my heart's broken pieces falling into the pit of my being. It was a shattering sound which cut me with the sharp edges of my own betrayal.

The first brilliant dazzle of color flashed in my eyes, and the dampness of my cheeks shone in its sudden light. I prayed with all my might that it would go unnoticed. Rick merely kissed my hair before bringing me closer in what was meant to be a comforting embrace. However, I was cold to him as the dark sky was interrupted by flash after flash of radiant sparks of red, green, and yellow...

_Blue..._

A sharp pain drove through my chest as the single word rang out in my mind. I remembered that night, exactly four years prior to now when I stood on this very dock with another man and the memories flooded my entire existence.

_"You want to know something, Claire?" _Kai asked as we sat together, dipping our toes in the cool ocean waters. I was in complete bliss, and the dreamy expression on his face assured me that he felt the same way. We were the only two people who existed in the entire world, only us, and no one else was allowed to live in that moment._ "I think I love you," _he told me with a charming smile.

My cheeks warmed, but I still punched him playfully in the shoulder. _"Well I hope so!"_ I giggled, filled boundless happiness. In the fantasy that was our love, I couldn't be anything else. I simply had no choice in how I felt when I had him by my side. Although he was usually the more forward one, I drew my sweetheart into a passionate kiss, and he ran his slender fingers through my hair.

When we broke apart, Kai tucked back my long, golden strands from my ear, and he whispered, his breath sending light and airy sensations down my spine, _"Will you marry me?"_

My eyes grew wide with surprise while I drew away from him quickly. As I gasped in awe, he revealed the engagement feather, and in that same instant, everything became bathed in blue as the last firework of the evening burst in the sky overhead. It had been a perfect proposal by anyone's account, and we used to laugh about how I had tackled him which sent us tumbling into the sea while I cheered a resounding, _"Yes!"_

Strange how I had only just begun to drown in that same ocean of passion...

"Claire?" Rick's concerned voice called me back to the present. I hadn't realized it until then, yet I had slumped down with my head dangling over the still waters, black as ink. I closed my eyes to try and steady myself, but I could feel my body tipping forward nearing the brink. I could fall into the ocean, never to resurface if I chose that dark path. However, I felt the young man pull me right back up gently, preventing me from ending all of the pain I'd yet to endure.

"Please," I begged as he held me close, and I buried my head into his chest. "It hurts... so please, Rick just-"

"I won't," he replied sternly, his embrace growing tighter. "Why die now?" he asked me; his voice was suddenly more calm and gentle,_ reassuring _even. "If you gave it all up... after coming this far... what would you get out of it?"

"There... would be no more guessing," I whispered to his heart. I could feel its every beat against my forehead, and I was reminded of how I was left to wonder if _Kai's_ continued its steady rhythm. "If I died now... I could know for sure."

"But what if he wasn't there?" Rick offered, smoothing my hair as another thundering flash of color cascaded down upon us. "Then he and I would both lose you forever..."

"You don't understand!" I sobbed heavily, clinging to his apron desperately. "He told me to wait for him! I can't just-"

"Claire," Rick mumbled, lifting my chin up to face him. "You _did_ wait..."

"Not long enough!"

"When will it be long enough?" he pressed earnestly. He refused to let me look away from his own intense gaze behind his thick lenses, yet I knew I wouldn't have been able to anyway. I _needed_ him to share in my heartache, so then maybe he would understand how _deep_ the wounds truly were. It was the closest he'd_ ever_ get to sharing in my suffering. "I've waited this long, so..."

I froze, my mouth falling upon slightly in a failed attempt to protest. For how long had _he_ been waiting? Since the beginning?

No matter what I did, though, I couldn't find the words with which to answer him, and Rick silenced me further with a kiss. My body remained stiff for a time before I could feel my body melt once again under the weight of his feelings for me. In that moment, I thought of what Kai had told me in the unspoken message I had received through our son as it replayed in my mind, over and over again, and I had to wonder if maybe I should just do as I was told.

_"Move on."_


	10. Chapter Ten

**Chapter Ten**

**Irony**

While summer had only just ended the day before, I could feel the loneliness of autumn beginning to consume my already weakened heart. I had found myself right where it had all began, both my happiness... and my heartache. It was there that I first spoke to him one on one. It was there that I fell in love with him, and it was there where he proposed to me. Worse of all... it was there that he had left me on this very day exactly one year ago. Before and for a short time after his leaving, I had told myself he would be back for me, yet I still stood at the end of the dock and waited for his return.

Although I felt some guilt for coming to this place without Rick's knowing, I needed a moment alone to dwell on the lingering thoughts of my husband so far from home. I had brought Lance along as well, for I felt it was only right that he know the story of his parents love, both what was won and lost in a few short years. My time with his father was undoubtably filled with the joys of heartfelt bliss, yet it would seem that the memories were already beginning to fade. If merely for my own sake, I had to think back on my life up until I found myself living as an estranged wife and a single mother.

Kai had been a wonderful man, and rather surprisingly, he made an excellent husband as well. Although I was the primary bread winner, he made a strong effort to work his fair share and see to my needs, but he never once acted like he was envious of my success. _"It's such an old-fashioned way of thinking to believe a man should be the one to support his family,"_ he had told me when I asked him if it ever bothered him. Then he added with obvious concern, _"But the real question is if_ you_ fell that way."_

That's how he had always treated me and our relationship as a whole. If I was happy, he was as well. However, I would often wonder about whether or not he was pushing aside his own pleasures for mine, and from that consideration for him, my entire plight had stemmed. In the end, I had no one to blame other than myself for his parting ways with me, so I could only hang my head in shame since I had been the one to first accuse him of leaving me.

Gazing down at the infant in my arms, the feelings of guilt and sorrow resurfaced to overwhelm me once again. I feared these emotions would forever plague me until my death. Though I had brought it upon myself, my child would have to suffer the consequences as a result of my carelessness. I had let his father go, and now the son of that man would pay a terrible price.

"Lance..." I whispered to the baby in my arms. "You need to know that it's Mommy's fault that Daddy isn't here, but I'm... I'm sorry." I knew my confession and the apology that came with it were meaningless. My words were nothing but empty shells of empathy for him, and there was nothing I could do to make them any more sincere. I had stolen far too much from my own child to ever hope to receive any means of forgiveness...

My son blinked up at me with a hint of curiosity. His warm chocolate eyes melted my heart as they searched my face for understanding. Surely he had to wonder why his mother cried so terribly over him time and time again, and yet he had no means of comforting me. How tragic was the situation for him, being that he was so young? Could he possibly realize his status as a fatherless child with an eternally pained mother, and did he understand why Rick was staying in our home? I couldn't even answer the last question myself... much less expect for an infant to offer me an explanation.

"Maybe you can't understand this now..." I began again, trying to sort out all of my conflicting feelings to myself more than my infant. "But I want you to know something." My voice shook and cracked as I spoke, yet I kept strong for the bundle in my arms. He had to learn the truth behind his father's disappearance. The only way he would know was if _I_ was the one to tell him the story, and so I started with the feeling of regret burning in my chest.

A man who lives to travel can never truly root himself in one place. Even when his feet no longer wander to distant lands, his mind is always elsewhere, and I'd come to accept that Kai was no different. At certain times, I would catch him gazing out the window with his eyes glazed over in dreaming, or he would stare off longingly towards the ocean's horizon. I saw the desire burning in him, but once he realized he'd been found out, he would try his best to reassure me otherwise.

_"Don't worry about me, okay?" _he'd say whenever I happened to notice the signs of his need to explore the world outside of Mineral Town, _"I have more than enough reasons to stay, and it's all because of you, Claire."_ Then I would inevitably begin to blush, and he'd laugh while teasing me further. _"You see,"_ he'd chuckle, ruffling my hair, _"it's because you're so damn cute that I don't want to be anywhere else!"_

"But..." I mumbled quietly to the autumn breeze. "That wasn't enough to keep you here... was it?"

"It never had to be," a familiar voice came from behind me. I didn't have to turn and face its owner to know it was Rick who'd come for me. I closed my eyes and waited for him to place his hand on my shoulder, but he had chosen to sit beside me on the dock instead. However, I decided to remain standing because I was afraid he may try to comfort me, and I didn't want any more of his pity. Everything he did for me seemed to stem from that blasted emotion.

"You weren't the one to make him leave," he continued, his eyes never glancing my way. He kept them staring right ahead, yet I knew he wanted to turn to me. He liked keeping an eye on me at all times although whether it was a result of worry or something else entirely, the answer was completely beyond me. Still, I knew he wanted my gaze to meet his own, but I couldn't will myself to give him even that small gratification. "I know that better than anyone."

"But that's how it is in _my_ mind," I informed him coldly. After all, I knew I was the one at fault, and no matter what anyone said, I always would be the one to blame. It was because _I_ had told him to go that Kai was no longer with me... _I_ had been the one to push him away, and therefore,_ I_ had to live with the consequences which had followed. Although it pained me terribly, I knew I would have to live with that.

"Claire, why do you always take the blame for him?" Rick asked at last after a pregnant pause. I finally looked and him and narrowed my eyes. He returned my gaze, yet his expression was completely neutral behind his thick lenses. It would seem that they could shield them from the world and its troubles, but it also meant he would never understand how I felt. Of course... maybe it was for the best that he couldn't.

"I don't take it when I haven't earned it," I retorted quietly, turning my attention to Lance once again. He was sleeping peacefully, yet I knew it wouldn't last for long. Even while he slept, he was the exact image of his father. I rarely saw Kai sleep as he usually went to bed well after I did, and he also had the unusual habit of waking up far earlier than me as well. How he managed this, I never was able to figure out. It was one of the countless mysterious that formed the man who had become my husband. However, what I couldn't see in the father, I could clearly witness in the son.

"Whenever he got into trouble, you were the first one to pull him out of it," Rick continued, his voice somewhat bitter. "Why can't you see that's what tearing you apart?"

On cue, Lance began to wail, but I was too angry to comfort him. "Like you could _ever_ know what I did for him!" I shrieked, taking a step back. The tears glistening down my cheeks were a product of my frustration, and I couldn't contain the rage which my hurt had given birth to. _"I_ was the one who suggested he take a trip! _I_ was the one who told him to go! I-I was the one w-who..."

..._lost him._

"He didn't have to leave without you," Rick reminded me cruelly. He hadn't moved from where he was sitting during our entire conversation that turned into a vicious confrontation, yet I could tell he was tense. He was accustomed to me throwing myself into his arms, but because of his expectations, I refused to oblige. I wouldn't be pitied any longer for my own mistake.

"I wouldn't let him," I explained sharply before storming away from the young man. I could stand on my own without his support, just as I could without Kai's. I was a strong woman, and I knew I could handle my affairs on my own. However, I also knew I couldn't run to my farm because he was sure to find me there. I made my way through the town with my head lost in the dark clouds while my neighbors stared in bewilderment. I spent hours in this bitter state until I simply couldn't walk any longer.

When I lifted my head at last, I found I had returned to the beach, yet Rick was no longer there. I sighed with some relief although I felt slightly empty with his absence. However badly he had hurt me, I knew he didn't mean to make me angry. He only said what he believed to be true...

For the first time, my eyes rested on the small white building which was directly in view from the entrance onto the shoreline. I felt a slight burning in my chest pocket, and I remembered that I still held the key to the Snack Shack. I could also recall the words that were said when my husband had handed it to me, for they had been the same ones to repeat themselves over and over in my mind throughout the whole ordeal.

_"Wait for me, darling..."_

Kai's passing on the key to me had been the seal to his vow to return, but I hadn't unlocked the restaurant after he had left. There was no point since I couldn't handle both my farm and his business at the same time. Even with Rick helping with my chores, I had no desire to start up my husband's yearly tradition again. His beloved venue was beginning to show the abuse of the salty wind and blowing sands, and the white paint that had apparently baffled the entire town had begun to flake and peel away.

It was as if it was a visual testament to how I felt inside, worn and neglected.

Hesitantly, I fumbled with the lock and key as my hands trembled uncontrollably. At last, there was a confirming click, and the heavy metal chains that kept it shut off from me fell onto the porch. I opened the door gently and delicate swirls of dust danced about my feet. To keep away the air-born debris from Lance, I pulled the soft yellow fabric over his peacefully resting face, but it wasn't the only reason as I had no desire to allow him to see anything of his father's... not just yet at least.

My hand ran over the counter, disturbing all that had settled there throughout the year. Though the shack was nearly always empty even while in business, much to my husband's disappointment, it now resembled a tomb to its owner's memory. Everything had been kept in its proper place, from the utensils to the spices, and the stale air was thick as if the stifling summer had been sealed inside. Nothing had changed... it was all in the same state from which he had left it.

It was too bad that I could not say that was the case for the wife from whom he had parted.

While I had once been considered a radiant beauty, I had become nothing more than a shell of the woman who once was. Like the exterior of the Snack Shack, I was a mere husk of what had been not so long ago. As I tapped his favorite pan, it knocked into the pot beside it, sending a shower of dust into the air. I flinched when they came crashing down onto the floor with a terrible clatter that frightened Lance so horribly he began to shriek.

"Please don't cry now..." I cooed, trying to soothe both my startled heart and my child. It seemed that his wail had brought someone's attention, and although I had hoped to keep him at bay for a little longer, Rick soon appeared in the doorway with the golden light of the sunset illuminating his figure. I gazed up at him with pleading eyes, begging him to come for me at another time. I should've known he would ignore my wishes and chose to try and comfort me.

"Claire, it'll be getting dark soon," he warned, his voice smooth and even. He didn't appear to have been fazed by my earlier verbal abuse towards him. Instead, he merely rested against the counter and chuckled darkly, yet his cruel amusement was tinged with sadness. "I was wondering when you'd finally decide to come back here..."

"This is where we said our last good-byes," I recalled wistfully. The tears threatened to fall, but I brushed them aside with my own weak laugh. "I cried the entire time I was packing his things..."

"Why did you let him go?" the young man asked quietly, taking off his glasses and rubbing the bridge of his nose. He looked so tired... just like myself and the building in which we stood. Strange how he would've never tread here while Kai was present and all was well in my small world, yet for my sake, he would come here without a sign of bitterness or hate towards his rival. Perhaps he, too, missed the other man. It was an odd notion, yet I could believe it since he had lost so much of his vigor without the rogue for an opponent in life.

Maybe that rivalry had never truly ended... and it was waiting to resurface one day should they ever come together again in this lifetime or the next. I shivered at the latter consideration that kept reoccurring in my thoughts. Neither one of us had ever wished his _death..._

"Because..." I began, taking a deep breath and releasing it in a shaky sigh, "he had given up so much of his life, so I could enjoy my own."

"I still don't understand... You gave up nearly _everything_ when you came here," Rick protested, shaking his head in defeat. "You quit your job and left your apartment in the city, just to find out that the advertisement for the farm was seriously rigged. I mean, you left family, friends-"

"Kai gave up the _world_," I reminded him quickly. Mineral Town was the only place in which he returned regularly, and although he often said it was all because of me, he had come for every summer long before I had ever been a part of the community. Although he wouldn't admit to it, he needed to be assured that there would always be a place for him to come back to, and I felt I could do at least that much for him. Therefore, no matter how much time passed, I would wait for him in one form or another.

He would forever have a home, regardless of what may come, or so I led myself to believe...

"Don't do this to yourself, Claire," I heard my companion mumble into his hands. "Haven't you done enough already for him?" I placed my own hand tentatively on his back and rubbed it in reassuring circles, yet he didn't lift his head which told me he was crying. He refused to let me see him cry these days. For once, I knew I had to be the one to comfort _him_. I wasn't sure how I possibly could when I was the primary source of all his suffering, but when I placed my hand on his shoulder, his brought up his own to rest on mine. His thumb stroked my fingers lovingly, and I didn't allow myself to pull away.

"It's not that I'm pining," I explained gently. "Because I know..." _He__ won't come home,_ my mind finished. I couldn't know what fate had befallen him, and I doubted I ever would. However, I was beginning to accept that I may never know his fate, whether tragic for him or myself, and although it would never be enough to satisfy me, I would have to take it for what it was.

"What are you going to do then?" Rick asked, gazing up at me in both wonder and confusion. I simply leaned down towards him and brushed my lips up against his own, and I nearly smiled to see the look of surprise in his eyes. Truthfully, I still didn't have the answer to his question, but as he brought me closer to him, I accepted that there are no right or wrong answers in this world.

No matter how dearly I had loved Kai, I couldn't hold on any longer. I was left with the knowledge that I had to keep moving forward. Just as I had let him go a year before, some part of me knew he would understand my decision. It wasn't one of necessity or a cure for loneliness, but rather, it was the result of finding love and returning it. Although it had been merely a year since my wayward husband left me in this very shack, something had told me that it was okay for me to go on living.

Rick had been the one to offer me that even without ever telling me why he had done so. And in the end...

He really didn't have to.


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Chapter Eleven**

**Moments**

I smiled as I began washing the dishes of any remnants left from that winter morning's meal. Two of the table settings were finished, and I was just beginning on the third while I had lost myself in a moment of content bliss. I sang a song softly while I did so, and although I made up the words as I went along, I felt they came together well enough in my mind. My entire being had become intoxicated by my happiness, yet a part of me continued to wonder how much longer I could keep my dark past at bay. However, I quickly brushed aside doubts in favor of reassuring myself it would all work out for the best.

"Are you sure you don't need any help?" a man's voice asked. I felt his arms wrap around me affectionately as his soft hair tumbled over my shoulders, and he nuzzled into my neck. My body warmed instantly under his touch.

"Rick," I laughed while I put the last plate onto the drying rack, "I'm already done!" He chuckled and kissed me on the cheek, and I giggled like the young girl I once was before I gave a yelp in surprise. "Don't do that!" I protested with my face completely flushed a brilliant red. "What if-"

"Momma?" We both turned to see Lance staring up at in innocent wonder, and I nearly laughed to see Rick's shocked expression which was quickly becoming one of embarrassment. He'd been caught just like I had warned. Call it a mother's intuition if you will...

"Don't worry, sweetie," I assured my son while ruffling his dark, shaggy locks. "Your daddy just needs to learn to keep his hands to himself." The young boy's warm eyes questioned me further, but he nodded in understanding all the same. He had obviously come in from the brisk cold, for his heavy coat was dusted in white and his dark cheeks were a tad rosy. I had to smile when I recognized the bright and sunny hue he wore almost constantly. Yellow had been his signature color since he was born, yet I often asked myself if anyone else comprehended its significance.

Lance may have been the spitting image of Kai, but the rest of him couldn't have been more different. Or so I told myself, anyway... From his favorite color to the season in which he was born, and loved, everything his true father had ever been, he clearly wasn't. Although it was wrong of me as a parent, I was rather proud of that fact. It kept me sane enough to act as though everything in my life was perfectly normal. I told myself it was for my child's sake, but Rick and I knew the unspoken truth.

I couldn't face him if it was any other way...

"What do you have there... son?" the older man asked quietly, gesturing towards the small heart-shaped box in the boy's hand. He did his best to hide it behind his back, but it had already been discovered. I smiled at Lance's blatant shyness, and I wondered vaguely if he wouldn't have been so reserved around us had Kai been a part of his life. It was a good possibility he would be a completely different child though I knew I could never know for certain.

"Did a girl give you chocolates today?" I guessed, crouching down to my son's level. He looked away nervously before he nodded that was what had in fact happened. I chuckled knowingly, and I pressed gently, "Who gave them to you?"

"Opal did," he replied softly, shuffling his feet which splashed in the small puddle left by his boots. I smiled at his uncertain expression, and a brush of scarlet made its way across his cheeks. I practically squealed at his cuteness as I threw my arms around his little body, and I heard Rick try and muffle his laughter to see me so affectionate with my child.

"You'll have to give her cookies this spring, huh?" his father reminded him. I flinched to think of the makeshift relationships I had formed within our home. I had been the one to insist that Rick let the boy call him 'daddy,' but I was already beginning to ask myself if that had been the right decision. I tried to console myself with the knowledge that with every day that passed, it was less and less likely that Kai would ever return. However, that consideration only caused my heart to plummet further into the depths of my being.

"Claire? Is something wrong?" Rick asked me quietly. I merely blinked in surprise, but then I shook my head reassuringly with a happy sigh.

"No, I just can't believe how my son's turning out to be such a natural charmer," I teased my child, ruffling his hair once again. I found I did this often as if I was making sure he was really there and not some illusion brought on my stress and anxiety. However, I also heard my voice crack to utter the blatant similarity between my 'former' husband and his offspring.

"Lance, how about you go back out and play with Opal?" the former poultry farmer told the young boy. He glanced at me and then up at his father, and I could see the man mouth the words "go now" which sent him trotting back out the door. I couldn't contain my obvious sense of relief to see the child trail away from my sight, but I immediately felt guilty for my poor behavior. "Better now?"

"Ah... yes, I think so," I mumbled, placing my hand over my breaking heart. This was _not_ how a mother was supposed to act concerning her own child. I should've been ecstatic that my young son was already getting attention from a sweet, little girl, but I had panicked while thinking of his _real_ father. Whenever a similarity between the two emerged, it seemed that I simply lost all reasoning.

"He's not his father, you know," Rick reminded me cooly, sighing to himself as well. He ran his fingers through his graying hair in frustration, and I could tell he was trying to keep himself composed. He hated to lose his temper with me although I found it completely understandable, being that he was living with a bordering hysteric. The violent shaking, the sobs, the wails... He had chosen to stay with me through it all.

By the time Lance became a teenager, the entire length of his hair would most likely _all_ be grayed if not completely _white_ because of me_..._

"I know that, but... He's almost _exactly_ like him!" I protested, my voice frantic. I could still see Kai looking up at me through his son's warm, chocolate brown eyes, but I couldn't share this with anyone for fear that they would label me as unfit to be his mother. There were more than enough rumors about my deteriorating mental health as it was, and to have them take Lance away from me... it would be far too much for me to cope with. However, I reminded myself, _As long as Rick's here, they won't take him from you._

How long would he stay, though? Years, months, weeks..._ days?_

"You're the only one who sees him that way, Claire," the man in front of me insisted. I nodded although I didn't believe it for a second. Surely everyone _else_ saw how the apple hadn't fallen far from the tree. If anything, my son rested on the very roots of what had been his father. "Lance is different from Kai if you pay close enough attention to him..."

"Are you saying I'm being _neglectful?_" I challenged, tears brimming in my eyes. "Am I not _good enough_ to be his mother?"

"That isn't what I'm say at all," he assured me, unfolding his arms and coming close to me. He brought his face in front of my own, and I glanced up to gaze into his blue-green eyes which washed away my fears. "You're a wonderful mother, Claire," Rick whispered before kissing my forehead and holding me tenderly.

"Why? Tell me why, Rick..." I pleaded, burying my face into his chest. I loved how warm and comforting it was to be so near to him, and his embrace always made me believe I could still be loved by someone... It didn't matter to him if I was still half-crazed with guilt after all these years. I only wished he'd give me a straight answer to wash away all of my doubts and fears.

"Because I know how much you care and worry about Lance," he replied with a chuckle. "Don't tell me you've forgotten how upset you were when you found out that Kimberly had called him a chicken boy?"

I smiled weakly at the memory. Although it may have been a poor sense of judgement on my part, even childish, I could recall cracking an egg over the little mischief maker's head. I considered it to be a just punishment for the innkeeper's granddaughter, but I suppose I could've handled it in a much more mature manner. Still, my son hadn't been called 'chicken boy' since then, so I felt my main objective had been met at least. Besides, Ann wasn't _too_ upset over it after she got all of the egg out of her daughter's hair. In fact, she was impressed by the healthy bronze color it made the small girl's usually dull locks...

"I wasn't asking about _that,"_ I explained. Rick still hadn't shared with mewhy he remained so loyally by my side, and until I heard the words, I could never be sure. It would continue haunt me for an eternity, yet I would always wait for his answer. No matter what it was, I wanted to know for certain.

"Let's not discuss that now," he said quietly. He had a terrible habit of skirting around the issue when I pressed him for reasoning, and so I pushed him away, slightly disgusted with him for not sharing that part of him with me. "So, Claire... do think he'll stick with Opal?"

Outside of the front window, I could see my son's bright yellow coat standing on its own in the snow covered field, but soon enough there was a dark blue one to join it. Although we obviously couldn't hear what the two children were discussing, I could tell by the way the little girl was fussing with her ebony braid that she was nervous. However, Lance merely flashed her a brilliant smile, but even when my chest tightened at its resemblance to Kai's, I couldn't help thinking of the scene as nothing less than heart warming.

"Maybe," I answered briefly as Rick came next to me and his arm went around my waist reassuringly. He held me close, and I rested my head on his shoulder while my hand lay on his chest. I could feel his steady heart beat as I lost myself in thought.

The pair were busy making a snowman it seemed, but she had apparently never tried to build one before. The man at my side chuckled as my little boy showed the young girl how to pat the snow into a ball, and then he instructed her to place it on the ground and start to roll it. Opal was clearly impressed as her eyes were wide behind her dark frames.

"He really does love winter," I observed wistfully. Although his true father wasn't too keen on the idea of cold and snowy days, Lance was rarely indoors during the season, and even when he was, we could always count on him to be staring out longingly at the blanket of white just past our front door. I usually could only convince him into bed after promising he could go back outside as soon as daylight broke the next day. Then every morning seemed to have the promise of Christmas in our home. Getting the excited and squirming child into his winter things had to be the most _interesting_ ritual in my life...

"Looks like Lance and his little girlfriend are coming back inside, honey. I'll go make some hot cocoa," my companion offered, kissing me on the cheek, but I merely nodded as he slipped away. For some unknown reason, Rick had recently begun to call me by that pet name. Perhaps it was just another way of creating the illusion we were a happy family, yet I knew better than to assume it was all an act.

For six long years... I'd been waiting for Kai to return.

My heart ached to realize this though I knew there was nothing I could do to change the circumstances. Rick and I were becoming closer, day by day, yet I was always wondering in the back of my mind. I would ask myself over and over what I would do if the traveler were to show up at my door giving me that cheeky grin, like nothing had happened throughout all this time. There were many nights where I dreamed that very thing, and by morning, I was cursing myself for being so foolish.

Even if he _did_ come home, it would never be what it had been. Rick was here now, and I had understood long ago that my own heart was taking steps forward. Bit by bit, my love for my wayward husband faded away into nothingness, and a new romance was building up in its place which was both a troubling and assuring moment. I only hoped that there would come a time when I no longer had to wonder and worry over what the next day would bring...

The door slammed open, and I jumped in surprise. I heard Rick start to scold my son about the _countless_ times he'd told the boy to take it easy on the door, but before I could try and intervene, I felt a small tug on my overalls. I glanced down to see the small girl staring up at me. Well, she _could've_ been, but the mist over her thick lenses kept me from knowing for sure.

"Need any help with those, Opal?" I laughed lightly as I removed them from her delicate face, and I was greeted by two, brilliant blue eyes. No matter how often I saw them, I always gasped in wonder. Everything else of hers may have belonged to Mary, but those _perfect _cerulean orbs were all Gray. I briefly asked myself what Lance had of mine since I hadn't anything but the fact I had been the one to give birth to him...

"Um, thank you, Miss Claire," she whispered, taking her glasses from me hastily and putting them right back on. The poor child was already near blind without them.

"Aw, Opal, why do you always half-ta wear those things?" Lance whined from the corner where I could only assume Rick had placed him. "I like your eyes better the other way!"

"But, I can't see," she explained in a quiet voice, shyly shifting from one foot to the other. I could see she was beginning to blush while she bit her lip nervously. I only smiled softly to myself. After all, I suppose natural charm was an inheritable trait on Kai's side of the family...

"So? I can just hold your hand. Then you won't run into stuff!" he cheered, clearly not realizing how his offer had flustered the shy child. She couldn't even squeak a reply while she fussed with the hem of her blue dress nervously. They certainly would be an adorable pair. However, I mused that as long as he had such an innocent girl in the future, I wouldn't have to worry about Lance getting into any mischief.

"Who said you could talk while in time-out?" I heard the man warn sternly from the small kitchen. The rebellious child stuck his tongue out at the warden, but soon enough he was slouched over and glaring at the crease where the two walls met.

If nothing else, I could also count on Rick to keep my son in order. I usually left the business of discipline to him which was evident in that I didn't reprimand Lance for speaking from his corner. My little boy knew how to work the system, too, so I had been trying to be better about trying to correct his behavior. I was easily distracted from this particular duty as a parent, though, and I often would forget to keep myself aware of it. Still, I was more concerned for the trembling girl who clung to me in fear.

"You're alright, sweetie. Rick's not upset with _you,_" I cooed, smoothing her damp hair from her forehead. "Would you like some hot chocolate, Opal?" She nodded slowly, and I scurried into the kitchen to fetch her a warm mug. "My son just has a bad habit of getting himself into trouble," I explained to her brightly.

"Just like someone _else_ I know..." Rick muttered while gritting his teeth.

There was a sudden crash before everyone in the small farm house turned to face me in surprise. I barely even felt the rather hot liquid dripping down the front of me, and a few shards of the broken mug had cut my hand although I was numb to the pain. However, what I _could_ feel were the tears trickling down my face. I'd done it again... I'd fallen apart with the slightest touch, and my current episode was in front of two impressionable _children_ no less. They both were wide-eyed and slack jawed at my latest performance of incompetence. I was such a bother to be torn to shreds so easily.

"Claire," Rick began with a heavy sigh, "I'm sorry..." Of course he would blame himself; he always did... even if it wasn't his fault to begin with.


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Chapter Twelve**

**Dawning**

"Can you_ possibly_ understand what I'm going through?" I demanded, pacing the upstairs floor of the poultry farm. A week had passed since my latest episode, yet word had only just spread of it. I should've known it would become fodder for the rumor mill, being that Anna's granddaughter had bore witness to it. If Sasha hadn't been kind and sincere enough as to explain this to me, I may have never known what had been conspired against me in hushed whispers. "It's not as if I have any control over any of this..." I moaned, throwing myself onto the comforter.

"Dear, I _do_ understand," the older woman assured me while she rested her frail hand on my own. Although the smile never faded, I knew she was hurting even more than I ever could, and the guilt for what I'd said begin to eat away at me as soon as I realized it. Here she was, completely bedridden without her husband at her side, yet I only pitied myself. My behavior was uncalled for.

It wasn't as though I'd forgotten that she, too, had a wayward husband.

"Lillia..." I sobbed, my voice hitching in my throat. "You told me once that you could handle anything as long as you had your children. How can I do that when he's the very thing that pushes me over the edge?" She made soothing circles on my back as I poured my heart out on her chest. I nestled into her further, choosing to rest my head on her shoulder, and her soft pink curls brushed against my damp cheeks. Even after all these years of being alone, she was the most beautiful woman I'd laid eyes on. Not only in the physical sense... but her very _soul._

"There, there now," she cooed softly, smoothing down my hair. Her thin fingers ran through my blonde strands like spider legs, and I involuntarily shivered under their crawl. She'd aged inside though her exterior was as radiant as ever. Maybe that's why none of us realized how terribly she had suffered all this time. The doctor's recent diagnosis had been a cruel wake-up call for everyone who had fooled themselves into believing that her health was finally beginning to turn for the better. We were _all_ at fault for letting her deteriorate this far... "You're a wonderful mother, Claire. Rick sees that, too, you know."

"That's what he told me," I answered weakly, clinging to her nightgown. My breath was shaky as I tried to compose myself with a sigh. "I just can't believe him anymore."

"And why would you say that?" she replied with a faint laugh. Even while her world was collapsing, she kept smiling. Perhaps it was the only way she could cope with the disillusionment that had become her life.

"Because he won't tell me _why_ he's still with me after all this time. He shouldn't be with me... I just want to know why he is."

"Do you really need an answer?" she challenged gently. "My son might not put it into words, but his actions speak for him. He-"

"I _know_ that..." I interrupted her, breathless with frustration for both myself and his reluctance to explain himself. "But I want him to _say_ it, Lillia. I know it's selfish, but I _want_ him to. I really, really do."

"That's okay," she agreed wistfully. "People can be selfish from time to time, but it doesn't make anyone less deserving of being loved." I lifted myself from her delicate body, and for the first time since I'd known her, I found Lillia was _crying_...

And for _me_, of all people.

"Lillia," I began solemnly, brushing away a few stray tears. How was it that she could look so beautiful even when her cheeks were stained with sadness? I nearly gasped as she opened her eyes fully, for I had never seen them before. They were... blue-green, just like her son's. Given how much Popuri took after her, I had wrongly assumed they would be rare rubies set with her feminine features, but there they were, just as brilliant as his own. "I'm-"

"Please, Claire," she begged before taking a deep and labored breath. "Never blame yourself for what's happened." She took her hand in mine once again, and I suddenly realized how they were rapidly becoming colder to the touch. Although I was fearful for her, she held fast, not allowing me to go for help. Maybe she didn't understand what was coming, or she could've known all along. I had to accept that I would never know for certain because she was falling fast. However, I couldn't forget her last words as she slipped away into oblivion.

"You know... I _always_ blamed myself," Lillia confessed, her voice little more than a faint whisper. "My only hope is that you can find the strength to forgive yourself. If not for your sake... then for my boy's."

When she took her final quivering breath, the ever present smile resurfaced, and soon after, she became unearthly still. A sob hitched in my throat during the silence which followed, but I held in my grief. Lillia was... _gone..._ and there was nothing else I could for her. I heard someone coming up the stairs though I didn't raise my head to see who it was. I didn't have to.

"Claire..."

"Oh, Rick, she's..." I began, trembling with all sorts of emotions such as fear, sadness, anger, love, loneliness, and _disgust_. The latter was for myself because I had been the one to steal her precious, dwindling moments with my own heartache. Surely she wanted to express her own hurt after being abandoned by her own husband. Rod's letters had clearly been of little comfort to her, yet she had treasured his memory until the very end. If I had known she was carefully gathering her pains throughout the years, I shouldn't have been so hungry for her assurances. "She's-"

"I know," he mumbled, guiding me back away from what had once been a vibrant woman, now colorless in death. Even her hair had become tinted with an ashen gray after the short time that transpired since her passing. He drew me close to him, and I buried my face in Rick's chest while he rested his head on my own. Although I hazarded a guess he had expected her fate long before, it was more than understandable that he was mourning. After all, she had been _his_ mother... not mine.

"Momma?" I heard my own son's voice call from the top of the stairs. My eyes widened, fearful that he might witness such a traumatic scene so early in his life. Though he had certainly seen me die on the inside enough in his brief existence, true death was something he wasn't familiar with, nor did I want him to be.

"Lance," the older man warned, "go down-"

"N-no, Rick," I whispered hesitantly. "He has every right to see her." My words were filled with uncertainty, yet I called him all the same. My companion questioned me curiously with his gaze, but when I glanced up at him, he nodded weakly in understanding. If we were a true family, like we were raising Lance to believe, then Lillia was certainly his grandmother. She had done so much to help us with his care in young life that I couldn't bear to deny him the right to say good-bye.

Gently, I grasped the little boy's dark-skinned hand into my pale one. His warm, brown eyes were filled with concern for me, unsure whether or not I wanted him to say anything. However, I wouldn't have known what I could possibly say to explain what had transpired, so I knelt down instead. When I was on his level, I opened my arms for him to come and hold me. He embraced me willingly, resting his head against my neck, and as I held him, I heard him whisper in my ear, "Please don't cry, Momma... Grandma doesn't like to see you cry."

I nodded reassuringly, not wanting to let him go.

--

We stood together in the early hours before dawn, although the entire town had gathered beside the church to pay their last respects, there were only eight of us which stood before the casket now. Gotz had been kind enough to provide it for her, and it'd been custom made as well, with ornate flowers carved into its glossy oak surface. Those standing directly in her presence were solemn, including Lance who stood in front of me dressed in a suit with my hands resting on his shoulders. Rick kept me close, rubbing my back in soothing circles much like his mother had only a few days before. Popuri was beside him, but she found her comfort in Father Carter, hiding her face within the folds of his preacher's gown which was appropriately dyed black.

Karen stood off to the side with her mourning mother, glancing at Rick from time to time, but she made no sign of coming to offer consoling words to her best friend since he was rather numb to the whole affair. Zack, too, was present although he had no one to offer reassurances. He held the shovel loosely in his hand while he stared off towards the western horizons, and I reasoned he was sending a message to his old friend in some distant land.

Rod was still out there somewhere, searching for a cure for the wife he didn't even realize had been lost. She was consumed by the very illness he had swore to save her from. However, none of us would speak on his behalf because there was simply nothing left to say on the matter. He had failed her...

Not by failing to find a cure, but by not being there for her when she needed him most.

After the other villagers had left us chosen few to have our last moments with Lillia, I waited patiently for the words that were to be spoken before the casket would be lowered into the earth and buried. Gratefully, Carter uttered them at the most meaningful moment just before sunrise. Ironically... the funeral was taking place during New Year's, a time that was meant for hope in the coming year. "Is there anyone present who would care to offer their final good-byes?

Zack and Rick glanced away, and although Popuri attempted to, her words became garbled by her tears. Finally, she gave a frustrated wail before throwing herself at the unsuspecting preacher. His cheeks became a bright scarlet, yet he did his best to remind her that her mother would never truly be gone as long as she kept the memories alive within her.

Therefore, I took it upon myself to express my thanks to the kind and loving woman. It was the least I could do to repay her generosity and goodness towards me. I ruffled Lance's hair and then handed my son over to Rick's care. Karen soon stepped beside them as well, placing a hand on her childhood friend's shoulder. He gave her hand a squeeze before offering her a small smile in thanks.

Running my fingers over the engraving which bore the woman's name, I smiled weakly while remembering what she had once said to me. I knew this was the perfect opportunity to make the true source of her happiness known to those she had held close and dear to her fragile heart.

"Lillia," I began quietly, lifting my head up towards the sky. If she was anywhere, surely it'd be heaven... "You once told me that your family was my own..." I heard her daughter's sobs soften to little more than sniffles, and I could feel her son gazing at me with his mother's eyes. However, I pressed on with my voice peaceful, yet assured. _I have to be the one to comfort them,_ I though with a calm resolution. "You also said that I could be strong for my son, and when I asked you how you could have possibly know, you offered some precious wisdom with me that I'd like to share with your loved ones as well."

All eyes fell intently on me, wondering what secret knowledge she had bestowed upon me, someone to whom she owed nothing. I had often shared those concerns, but I knew Lillia well enough to understand how much she loved and cared for me. In her mind, I was a very special woman much like herself although she took this truth with her beyond tangible reach. Still, that did nothing to hurt me. Finally, I couldn't hold back the blessed words, and they came spilling out into the crisp air for all to hear.

"For your children, you found the strength to face the heartache without ever feeling alone... If nothing else, I hope that can comfort them in this time of mourning. It... certainly did for my own."

Returning to Rick and my son, I could see the tears falling freely down and staining his cheeks. The cold and his hot breath misted his glasses, hiding his tender gaze from me, but I could tell he was grateful. He immediately pulled me into a tight, desperate hug while he tried to thank me in choked sobs. Lance was caught between us, yet my child didn't protest. I only felt him cling to my skirt which told me just how much he understood.

After all, he had lost a father as well.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Chapter 13: Acceptance**

"You don't need to baby me, Claire," the man scolded me indignantly while he stood up from the kitchen table. I watched him walk towards the door, only sparing a brief glance in my direction.

Rick's blue-green eyes had faded into a dull gray since his mother's passing, and I would often ask myself if they would ever regain their warmth. It wasn't only his gaze that had become cold towards me, though. His entire being was distant from me, and I never realized how much I missed his caring nature. Although he chose not to explain himself, I had grown comfortable with his feelings for me. However, during the first half of the spring season, I was left feeling utterly alone for the first time since my husband's disappearance.

"I'm only asking if you wanted to talk about it," I explained myself calmly, staking the plates from that evening's solemn meal. He was stoic while he ate, most likely unable to taste anything in his state of grief. His behavior had alienated me from him though I had desperately longed to reach out to him in his time of loss, but I had no means of coming close to his heart as he continued to drift away. Even so, I still pressed on with pure determination.

After all... he'd done the same for me not too long ago.

"Well, I _don't,"_ he snapped back at me while blinding me with the glare off his lenses. I wanted to meet his gaze even though I knew by the rigid set of his jaw that it was a cruel, even spiteful, one. I didn't care about any of that, however. I only thought about what my own needs had been when I grieved for Kai, and I assumed I should offer him the same opportunity. If he hated the world for his loss, I wanted him to share that with me. I would take on his anger and his resentment like it was my own if I had to. I think he understood that, too. He still wasn't making it easy, though.

"Please, Rick..." I begged, setting the dishes onto the counter with enough force to crack them. He turned abruptly to face me, but his expression was almost non-existent. I flinched as I searched his unchanging face that was filled with complete indifference for me. He was nothing but a hollow shell just as I had been once before. "I..." I tried to apologize, but my words faltered.

He sighed in defeat while I continued to tremble. My hands were clenched into impossibly tight fists, turning my knuckles a desperate shade of white, yet I kept my composure well enough. As I closed my eyes and shut out my growing anxiety, I felt him embrace me around my waist. "It's... I'm alright, Claire," he whispered, his breath tickling my neck. "You've got more than enough troubling you without having to worry about helping me."

"But..." I began, my shaking easing slightly. "I _want_ to, Rick. I can't help it..." I felt him relax against me when I said it, yet I couldn't be certain what caused it. Perhaps he was relieved to know I was no longer going to fall into hysterics after every little incident, or maybe he wasn't accustomed to receiving anyone's concern. Either way, I felt as though I was taking away some of the burden from him. "I can at least be there for you," I murmured, turning to face him while still in his arms. "You were there for me... even when I thought that I didn't want you to be, so-"

His warm lips stole my words, and when he pulled away, he was smiling softly down on me. My cheeks instantly warmed under his tender gaze as he brushed aside my bangs. "I'm sorry about how I've been acting lately," he apologized sincerely holding me close again and speaking into my hair. "It's just been... hard I guess." I nodded in understanding while I nestled further into his chest. "There's a lot more to Mom's death than missing her, and it's been..."

"Overwhelming?" I offered after he trailed off. He chuckled quietly and nodded.

"Something like that," he agreed wistfully. Rick kissed the top of my head lovingly and held me for a while longer before we drifted apart. "Are we going to see Popuri later tonight?" he asked, changing the subject away from himself.

"Well, of course," I insisted as I started cleaning the salvageable plates. It was troubling to consider how many dishes I had broken over the years, so I was grateful to be gaining a little bit more footing in everyday life. "I'm sure she'll need our company since..."

"It would've been Mom's birthday today," he finished for me, and I merely nodded, unsure what to say. Birthdays were a peculiarly touchy subject in our home... for obvious reasons. We did so much to hide the feelings we had come to associate them with them. Sadness, bitterness, regret... My own son's birthday threatened to break me each year that passed, for his coming into the world had caused me such terrible heartache at the time. Even with all the signs that Kai ever existed out of sight and mind, I was always troubled by the mere _thought_ that my old feelings of regret and sorrow would return to haunt me.

Our home was forever on edge concerning that point.

"I hope she doesn't get upset with us," I thought aloud. "Maybe she'll think we're only meddling." Rick raised an eyebrow, but then he chuckled to himself and shook his head.

"No, I doubt it. She's _always_ excited to see us when we come over," he assured me. I grinned in return because I knew he was right. It was hard to imagine her being upset for long, for like her mother before her, she was was rarely seen without a smile. However, that also served to trouble me deeply since there was a lot that could hide behind a seemingly genuine smile. After all, Lillia had held onto her loneliness while never losing her perfect composure. "Besides," he added, taking my attention from my somber thoughts, "you know how much she loves Lance."

I nodded in agreement although I felt my stomach turn in the process of doing so. I was still rather concerned about the young woman's adoration towards my son. I couldn't share my feelings with her brother, of course, but I could've easily explained my logic to anyone else should I be given the chance. From the moment I had first brought my squalling infant to the poultry farm, Popuri had a habit of hinting at my child's likeness to his true father. I reasoned it was a result of her earlier, youthful affections for my wayward husband, yet it did little to ease my troubles.

What if she accidently slipped out the truth in Lance's company?

--

"Auntie!"

The young woman winced upon hearing my son's title for her, and both Rick and I snickered to ourselves while trying our best to appear disapproving of this as well. However, it was clearly in vain since smiles were plastered on our faces. She frowned and stuck her tongue out childishly at us, but she eagerly knelt down to give my boy a warm hug. "Good to see you, too, Lance!" she cheered in her usual chipper manner. "Did you come to visit me?"

"Uh-huh," he agreed eagerly, giving his aunt a kiss on the cheek. He was so sincere with his gesture that even as a grown woman, a brush of scarlet dashed across her cheeks.

She giggled, "Oh, Lance, you're going to be such a charmer... I just _know_ it!"

Although I flinched, Rick's hand rested reassuringly on my shoulder, and I managed to smile for him. While I knew she wasn't trying to compare my son to Kai, I still couldn't convince myself that entirely. In the darkest corners of my mind, there was the fear that she might reveal something to my son which loomed over me, perilously close to becoming a living nightmare. Popuri remained oblivious, of course, as she always walked the fine line of innocent observations and brutal honesty. Regardless, one step towards the latter could spell disaster for the fragile shell of my family.

Not to mention my own sanity was at stake as well...

"How have you been coping?" I asked rather tactlessly. My companion shifted uncomfortably next to me, but his sister showed no signs of being hurt by my blunt inquiry. She merely shrugged in reply as she led us inside, holding my boy's hand in her own. He certainly behaved like a proper gentleman while he opened the door for us. His chocolate eyes melted my heart, yet his charismatic smile caused me to cringe. It was far too familiar for my liking although I wouldn't dare wish it gone. I did my best to remind myself that Lance wasn't his father, but it did little to ease my troubled mind.

"Do you think you'll need any help? Claire usually gets most of the work done on the farm, so I could always drop by if you need anything," Rick offered, plopping down in his old easy chair in front of the fireplace. He closed his eyes like he was trying to shut out the fact that so much in his life had changed. After all, it wasn't too long ago that his mother could be found sitting behind the counter, yet now she was noticeably gone.

"No, Rick, I'm perfectly capable of handling things on my own," his sister huffed. "Besides, Father Carter comes to visit me all the tme. We had actually had dinner together this evening." My son gazed up at his aunt in wonder as she ruffled his dark brown hair. I hadn't realized how long it was becoming until then, but I was hesitant to cut it. It actually looked rather good on him although I wasn't sure about letting it grow out as long as Rick's, which had grown clear past his shoulders...

"Hasn't he also been giving you gifts lately?" I inquired, noting the toy flowers resting in a vase on the table. I could recall seeing the reverend on an outing near Mother's Hill the Wednesday before, and although he _insisted_ he was simply joining the doctor on his hike, I had clearly the blush creep across the pastor's cheeks... When I thought about it, it was actualy very much the same one that graced the young woman's features.

"Oh, that's right!" Popuri squealed suddenly, scurrying upstairs in a mad scramble. Her brother rolled his eyes though he was clearly smiling. It seemed that their mother's death had done little to faze her daughter. In fact, _both_ of her children were taking it remarkably well with all things considered. I suppose it was a result of them always anticipating the inevitable, but I couldn't let it go so easily. For me, it was a cruel fate.

After all, Lillia had been the only person in the entire town that could truly relate to my plight.

She had been left to her own devices after Rod had gone off, leaving her nothing but the responsibility of caring for their children alone. She smiled in spite of all her heartache while I couldn't help but drown in sorrow, and yet it had been the very thing to steal her away from us. If only I had realized it before, I might've been able to comfort her as she had me. However, no matter how many 'what ifs' came to mind, I would never be able to change the course of her life.

This also meant I couldn't ask the questions that had flooded my thoughts since her passing.

Just as Rick had been there for me in my time of loss, Zack was there for Lillia, yet she had chosen to remain oblivious... At least that was the major consensus. Still, I remained unconvinced that she didn't realize how he felt towards her because she was for too observant for that to be the case. He did his best to remain subtle, but in the end, it was crystal clear to anyone who glanced their way. Why did she turn him away? Was it out of loyalty to her husband?

If so... then how did she see me, someone who had fallen into the arms of another man in her spouse's absence?

I shook my head, casting out the very thought from my mind, because I knew they were nothing but my own insecurities. She _wanted_ me to find my happiness in her son, and she never once judged me for my decisions. For her, I was the vessel in which she could be truly free. My happiness had been her own... or so I had chosen to believe.

Before I could think further on my most recent troubles, brought on only by myself, Popuri re-emerged from the bottom of the stairs. She raced over to where my son had been patiently waiting for her return, and I thought I saw a flash of bright yellow in her delicate hand. "Wanna know what I've got for you?" she asked the young boy, an excited smile spreading across her face.

"Is it a present, Auntie?" he guessed, his warm eyes filled with wonder. Although she looked at him with disapproval reflected in her ruby orbs, she continued to grin knowingly at him. She nodded, and he began to bounce in anticipation.

"Yup!" she cheered, revealing what she had been hiding from him. At first, Lance seemed disappointed since all he could see was a piece of yellow cloth. "It's a bandanna silly!" she explained, folding it into a triangle.

"A w-what?" Rick and I asked in unison. He practically flew out of his chair in his mad scramble to come and comfort me, but it was far too late for that. Surely she had to be kidding, trying to rile my emotions... But why? What had I do to deserve that kind of hatred? Didn't she realize how desperate I was to prevent any connection between my son and his true father? Though it was yellow, not purple, it was still a strong likeness to the man I was doing my best to forget. Before I could find the words to protest, she had finished tying the cloth around his small head.

"I made it out of your old baby blanket," she told my son. He nodded in simple understanding, and I did as well. I had completely forgotten that I had given it to her when she'd asked for it. Although I thought it was strange at the time, I wished I would've have known her true intent beforehand. Then I may have been able to prevent her from opening a door I wanted to remain closed. "Elli even said that you're mom actually _insisted_ on that color, too!"

Of course I remembered that moment. How _couldn't_ I? I was so frantic when Lance was born, and it was all I could do to try and forget the identity of who his father was. Maybe it wasn't rational, but it certainly made sense in my mind. If I was to hope for any sanity, I took whatever opportunity I had to separate father and son, and I began by clutching at straws from that moment onward. Nearly every difference between them had become my saving grace. However, there was one thing I could never change...

Lance would _always_ be the image of Kai.

"There we go, and now..." Popuri paused for a moment to reveal my son's slight transformation. "Ta-da!" She was clearly proud of her achievement, yet I felt Rick's secure hands hold me in place while I gazed down at my own child with horror. It wasn't that he looked disgusting by any means since he actually appeared to be himself for the very first time. Even so, the truth of who he was sickened me, and I couldn't help but close my eyes to shut out the reality.

Although I could feel myself being held, I refused to tear my eyes away from my son any longer. After all, what would Lance think if his own mother wouldn't look at him? Instead I studied him intently while I tried to comprehend everything the he was. The bright, yellow bandana suited him far better than I would've thought, yet my heart was filled with sorrow. His chocolate brown orbs questioned me and my damp cheeks, so I did my best to brush aside his concerns for me with a broken smile. I couldn't bear to have him worry about me any longer since it obviously wasn't his fault he was his father's son.

"You look... very handsome, Lance," I whispered, my voice cracking as I did so. He seemed to be very skeptical, but he came over to me despite how a part of me continued to push him away. However, when he wrapped his arms around me in a gentle hug, all my anxieties were set suddenly aside. His little body was so warm and comforting against my own, and I found myself relax almost instantly as he continued to hold me tight, pulling at my shirt with his small hands. I, too, wrapped my arms around him and pulled him closer to me. This was my _son_, and he deserved to be accepted as such. "You're just growing up too fast," I said with a half-hearted laugh.

"Claire, I-"

I interrupted the man before he could utter a single apology or offer any protest. "I'm okay now, Rick," I insisted gently. "You were right..."

"About what?" he asked, clearly perplexed. I smiled weakly, stroking my son's bandanna-clad head lovingly. Lance lifted his face from my waist to gaze up at me, and although I still saw his father in his warm eyes, I was no longer afraid to. Of course, Lance resembled Kai so strongly... It was only to be expected as he was his son, and there was nothing I could to do to change that fact. My options were to either accept it as a part of my child or abandon him entirely. Therefore, I knew what I had to say not only to Rick, but to myself as well.

"They're not the same."


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Chapter Fourteen**

**Questions**

Though summer had once been the most dreadful time of year for me, I found I was slowly beginning to adjust to the season. My memories of the feelings of abandonment I endured because of my wayward husband were slowly fading away, yet I had accepted that I could never forget them entirely. They were a part of me, and while they could cause me great heartache, they had still shaped who I'd become. They say that what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger... Maybe I had finally been able to reach that point since I had certainly survived what I felt was the worst of it.

In fact, I was certain I had overcome it by that time

"Claire, where can I put these?" Rick, or what I _assumed_ to be him due to the towering stack of boxes which he was carrying, had come into the room, maneuvering around the ones that had already been scattered across the floor. He was perilously close to tripping over a box that read 'fragile.' However, I quickly pulled it out of harm's way.

"Over on the counter is fine," I replied, working diligently to unpack everything else. "Did you buy an extra rolling pin?" I continued while rummaging through a rather large crate. I hadn't expected to be so exhausted after simply sorting through the goods we'd recently purchased. However, I was certainly beginning to feel rather worn out, yet there was clearly much more I had to go through before I could call it a day.

"Yeah, I did," he agreed as he set down his heavy load with a sigh of relief. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, it's just that I have _two_ now..." I explained with a laugh. When I held them up for him to see, too, I heard him chuckle at his own oversight. "I'm sure we can just send one back. Zack won't mind... At least I don't think he would."

"Alright, I'll just go next door with that then," he offered, taking the utensil from me. "You know where everything goes, so I'll leave the unpacking to you for now. Is that okay?"

"Sure thing!" I don't think my smile could've been any more brilliant, but my excitement was more than understandable since I'd been planning for _weeks_ to get things in order. "We've got to be ready to open by tomorrow, after all." Rick nodded, a thoughtful expression on his face, before he headed out the screen door and left me to my task.

I normally would've burst into tears or flown into hysterics if anyone had suggested I re-open the Snack Shack in previous years, but that was then and this was now. I didn't feel like I owed anything more of myself to Kai's loss, and I could finally cherish his memory with peace of mind. Starting up his old business from the ground up was just the thing to pick me right back up, too. All it had taken was a little push forward.

Although I wasn't certain of her true intentions in doing so, I suppose Popuri had been the one to liberate me from my feelings of regret and sorrow by giving my son that bandanna, and I couldn't be more grateful to her regardless of her reasoning. It had proved to me that child was not his father by any means beyond his appearances. She had freed me when she forced me to confront that reality, and I found I could cope far better than I had given myself credit for in the past.

Even so, as Lance peered inside the small building, I couldn't help imagining Kai being the one in the doorway. Even so, I flashed him a triumphant smile, and he came running over to me anxiously. "Can I help?" he asked, excitement ringing through his eager voice.

"Of course!" I cheered, handing him a few lightweight utensils. "Now those go in the drawer over there," I instructed, pointing to the prep counter, and then I added, "Oh, and could you maybe check the cupboards for anything your dad and I missed?" I involuntarily shivered as I considered the possibility that Kai might've left perishable goods behind. After all, it'd been many years since he'd left his small, rather unsuccessful business in my care. Though I had visited on occasion, most recently to repaint the interior and exterior walls which were still white, I never dared to disturb anything, so this was a new experience entirely.

Luckily, everything had been cleared out long before, it seemed, since Lance's search was thankfully fruitless. When he opened the fridge, though, I was suddenly bewildered by what drifted out from it. A familiar scent wafted through the stilled air, and my body immediately jerked upright. I _knew_ this smell, perhaps more than anyone.

_Pineapple._ It _had_ to be pineapple...

My son recognized this, too, although he didn't understand it's significance in my, or even his own, life. He simply asked in his usual, frank manner, "Momma, why don't we grow pineapples?"

At first, I was at a loss for words. It wasn't as though I felt I would fall apart under the weight of his question since he was completely innocent of any wrong doing. "I don't really know," I lied casually, knowing full well why I never bothered to. Until recently, it would've been too much for me emotionally to even consider growing what was something of my own forbidden fruit, but there was a new thought that was brought to my attention. "Do you like pineapples, Lance?"

He merely blinked at me for a moment while toying with his fairly new yellow bandanna. Finally, he shrugged and replied, "On ice cream maybe..." I smiled upon hearing his answer because I knew as well as anyone else in town that it didn't matterwhat it was as long as it could be put on his favorite food. Although it certainly wasn't surprising for a kid to enjoy his sweets, my son was more or less obsessed with the chilled confection... Of course it was expected that it would bring on another interesting question into mind.

"Did I ever made you a snow cone before?" I wondered aloud. He shook his head, and I felt my heart perk right up. "Let me make you one then," I offered while digging through the cupboards, trying to find the small machine I had seen Kai use to make shaved ice. "You know these used to be your father's-" I cut myself off before I finished the statement. _These used to be your father's specialty._

"What about Dad?" Lance asked quietly. The way his chocolate brown eyes settled on me made me realize he suspected something. He studied me very carefully, almost peeling away the layers of my mind, and although he was my son, I still felt intimidated by him and his unwavering gaze. He _knew_... Just as I was about to press him further, though, I heard Rick's light footsteps behind me.

"I talked to Zack, and he said he'd be more than willing to take it back with him for the next shipment. He paid me up front, too." When I didn't respond right away, he suddenly became concerned, resting a hand on my shoulder. "Claire, are you okay?"

Almost instantly, I became myself once again. I gave him a reassuring smile while I turned to face him. "Oh, I'm fine," I promised him although I knew I was anything but. "We were just going to make some snow cones. Do you want one?"

Rick raised an eyebrow, but then he returned my smile with one of his own. "Sure... It's been a while, hasn't it?" I was relieved that he understood I wanted to leave the issue alone for a while until I could talk with him without worrying about Lance overhearing us.

--

Once night had settled onto our small town and Lance had been put to bed, Rick and I decided to take a quiet walk together, just the thing to give me a chance to think things through. I was clearly anxious as I took his hand in mine. I could feel myself shaking due to my frayed nerves, yet I was surprised how I was able to remain so composed. I had grown accustomed to my own hysteria over the years, but even so, I was grateful for the changes I was beginning to see in myself because they made me believe that I was slowly returning to the cheerful and reliable woman I had once been.

"So... what happened at the Snack Shack while I was gone?" Rick asked at last. We had strayed to the Goddess Spring, and as he held me close to him, he stroked my arm soothingly. "I could tell you were upset about something." I smiled softly to know that. He always knew when something was troubling me which meant I had to say very little to get him to understand almost exactly what I was feeling. It made it so much easier to open up.

"I think... No, I'm absolutely _sure_ of it. He knows... He _knows_, Rick..." My voice that had once been so strong wavered until it became nothing more than a whisper. He held me closer, kissing my hair and then resting his head on my own. I didn't cry, though, because for some reason, I simply couldn't. Maybe all of my tears had dried up after spending them so carelessly in the times I was so badly broken, or perhaps I honestly felt this was something I could handle. I couldn't tell either way, no matter how hard I tried.

"Well, Claire," Rick began with a heavy sigh, "I wouldn't doubt it." He chuckled to himself before he continued, "After all, we don't really look alike."

Although I had to admit it was true, it didn't do much to reassure me. I tried to smile for him if not myself, but it faltered terribly. "But what am I supposed to do _now?_" I murmured, burying my face in his chest to keep myself together. I had been desperately hoping that it would never come to this, and I hadn't expected it even though I knew I should have. I'd admit the thought had crossed my mind once in a great while, but...

How do you prepare yourself for something like that?

There was no way I could've been ready for such an experience. I knew that there were other parents out in the world who could relate to my plight, but at that moment, I felt as though I was alone as an isolated incident. The select group of women that might've been able to understand what I was going through weren't here to share their own stories, and the one woman who _could_ have had already passed away. While Rick may have taken my son into his life as his own, he could never truly be the boy's father. They were close enough to make things work out between them. However, there was impassible wall dividing them.

One of blood... or rather the lack there of.

"Listen," Rick told me quietly, tilting my chin upwards to look at him. I realized that he had taken off his glasses, so then I could see his beautiful blue-green eyes without the lenses distancing me from him. "I'm here for you if you need me, but this is _your_ decision to make."

_"Mine?"_ I asked uncertainly, gripping his sweater all the tighter. He smiled down at me and brushed his lips against my own tenderly.

"Of course... After all, you're his mother, Claire," he reminded me as if I could possible forget that detail. I would've laughed had the situation been less serious. "I'm sure you'll know what's right for Lance, and I promise to support whatever decision you make." I nodded, but while a part of me agreed with the man...

I had a feeling that something was not quite right.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Chapter Fifteen**

**Answers**

The days turned into weeks before I could bring myself to discuss the delicate matter with my son. It wasn't as though it was an easy topic for me to bring up at any time, let alone out of seemingly no where, but I suppose it was completely understandable. After all, I was dealing with a very touchy subject, one I had desperately hoped to avoid all together. My heart ached while I sorted through my feelings and the words I needed to explain the situation. However, none of it made sense to me, so I knew it wouldn't be any clearer to a six year old. Maybe that's what troubled me the most.

As a mother, I should have known how to handle telling such things to my son about his own father.

Still, I couldn't seem to find the courage I needed to tell him about Kai. How could I possibly go about telling him the truth when I wasn't even sure of it myself? I didn't know what could've happened to the man so long ago, and there was no way I could share that uncertainty with a young boy. Parents were supposed to provide all the answers for their children, but I always came up empty concerning the matter. Not only did it make me feel worthless... it also brought out the worst in me.

The anxiety was resurfacing, but I suppressed it because I felt I had come too far to be dragged down by it again. If I couldn't give my son something definite, I would just have to do my best to reassure myself of what _could have_ happened.

"Lance, did you bring the tomatoes?" I asked as he came into the screen door, tossing some pizza dough effortlessly into the air. He watched it rise and fall in total awe, and I chuckled at his sense of wonder. "I've got to get this in the oven before the lunch hour." His expression soon became very serious, and it worried me. Like Kai, his son rarely got upset. "What is it, kiddo?"

"Did my dad like pizza?" His question was rather blunt to say in the least, but I found I smiled softly at his lack of subtlety. He meant what he said, and there was no mistaking his true intent with the distinct wording he used. He knew what he wanted from me. It actually made things a little easier to explain because it gave me an opening to fill, and I knew I might be able to squeeze in the truth of what had happened.

"Well..." I began with a faint laugh. "I don't think he liked it much at all." I had to admit I found it strange since the man would eat almost _anything_ with pineapples. I had heard that some people enjoyed putting it on their pizza, but apparently, Kai wasn't too keen on the idea.

_"Pineapples and tomatoes don't belong anywhere near one another,"_ he had argued once. I actually giggled at the memory since he looked so disgruntled when he said it... I thought it was cute at the time. Even now, I thought it was funny, and I couldn't help but imagine him being the one sitting at the counter instead of his son. The conversation was so breezy, like it was one of those stories shared in any family. If only I could illusion myself into thinking that the boy's father was truly here and the rest of it was just another nightmare.

But I didn't _want_ it to be, no matter how much pain it had caused. The tragedy that had struck so early in my married years was the very thing to bring Rick into my life, and I couldn't deny that fact made me happy in some peculiar way. I had grown to love the poultry farmer, and although he had never told me so, I knew he returned those same feelings. In fact, I was certain he had been the first to have them for _me_, a broken woman with nothing but grief to her name.

Just as I was about to say more, I saw Opal peering into one of the Shack's windows with her blue eyes wide with uncertainty. I smiled and waved for her to come inside which reassured her it was alright. Honestly, that poor girl was too apprehensive. "Hiya, sweetie," I greeted her in my usual cheerful tone. She bowed slightly out of politeness, and I nearly laughed at her insistence on such unnecessary formalities. I always tried my best to help draw her out of her shell, but she remained as meek as ever. "Are your parents coming, too?" I asked in an attempt to get her to open up. She nodded sheepishly, but I waited for her to answer me before I'd stop staring at her in anticipation.

"Y-yes..." she whimpered, blushing a little. My son laughed which only made the brush of scarlet across her cheeks deepen and expand. Lance had an undeniable affect on her it seemed.

"Is the old guy gonna let Uncle Gray take a break from work?" Lance teased, raising an eyebrow. He preferred to refer two her relatives as if they were his own, so it was impressive how tight knit our farming community had become since I'd come to live here. I guess it had been close long before I moved in, and even with being the center of much of the town's gossip, I still found I had my place in their midst.

"Uh-huh... Grandpappy's coming, too..." I snickered to myself to see Lance's expression when he heard that tidbit. He visibly cringed at the mere thought of the burly, older man coming into the restaurant, and I knew exactly why.

"He's not gonna want turnips... is he?" Lance made another ugly face when he considered the very likely possibility. If there was one thing he hated, it was the offending vegetable. I hadn't forgotten the first time he'd tried them. Although he took a hesitant, yet willing, bite, he ended up spitting it out almost immediately. On Rick, no less.... "Goddess, I hope not."

"Now, Lance..." I scolded him, giving him a disapproving look. "You shouldn't talk like that."

_"Mom,_ I didn't say anything _bad,"_ he protested, rolling his chocolate brown eyes. Although I knew I should've been unhappy with him, I just couldn't. He looked so innocent even while he wasn't listening to me. I loved him too much for me to strike him when he was being haughty, but I guess that could've been because he was acting like Kai. I wasn't able to be harsh with his father, either. The two of them had a way with running roughshod over me, or so it seemed...

"Don't let Dad hear you say it then," I warned him gently while shaking my head in defeat. "You know how seriously he takes the word of the Goddess."

"That's just 'cause Aunt Popuri likes Carter," he scoffed, folding his arms over his chest. _So even the kids have figured it out, huh?_ I mused as I pulled out the hot and ready pizza. The wonderful scent of cheese and garlic overwhelmed my senses, and I couldn't help but lick my lips in anticipation. I'd sneak a piece for myself when no one was looking... After all, I felt it was only right since _I_ was the one who cooked it.

"Claire, are you guys open?" a gruff voice called into the small building, waiting just outside the door. I quickly hid my 'stolen' goods before I busied myself with the usual orders, and I hoped that I hadn't been caught in the rather childish act. I simply didn't think it would be something I'd care to boast about any time soon.

"Come on in, Gray," I replied, rummaging in the fridge after serving the slices of pizza to my two hungry guests. "I'll have your baked corn ready in a bit, but it's gonna take a minute."

"Doesn't matter to me," he assured me curtly. I heard his heavy work boots making their way towards the counter, and when he sat down, the stool cushion gasped, releasing the air from within the foam. Unsurprisingly, my son burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter, and I faintly heart Opal attempt to stifle a giggle. I could clearly imagine the usually frustrated man's flustered face which made me laugh as well. "Dammit, it _wasn't_ me..." he grumbled, no doubt pulling the red brim of his hat over his eyes.

"Gray," a woman's voice admonished him sternly, "what have I told you about watching your mouth in front of the children?" I didn't have to turn away from the stove to know it was his wife who'd scolded him since she'd be struggling for nearly forever to correct his course language. There was no doubt in my mind that she was fighting a losing batter, though. After all-

"Ah, hell, Mary. Those kids'll hear much worse than_ that_ as they get older..." I smiled as I congratulated myself on knowing what would come following her attempts to tame her husband's sharp tongue. Count on Saibara to rip apart any lecture on the proper etiquette around young minds although I honestly didn't care much about what my son heard from the master blacksmith's grandson. Karen wasn't exactly a great influence on our family, either. The young mother sighed heavily, apparently accepting the men's behavior as it was, and joined them at the counter.

With the two gentlemen discussing that day's work while the librarian began to tell a story to her young audience, I hummed happily to myself. It was good to have things so lively for a change.

Hardly anyone other than Popuri and myself ever came into the establishment when Kai owned and operated the Snack Shack, but business had certainly changed for the better. In fact, things were practically _booming_ since I'd taken it up on my own. Rick had been eager for me to start working there, too, and he'd even offered to take care of all my chores, not just the animals. I was grateful like always, but I was even happier to see his support was returned with fruitfulness. If anything, it was turning a surprisingly steady profit to add to our already successful assets. People came in at all times during the day, and every single one of them complimented me on my cooking and the meal selection. However, I couldn't take all of the credit- or any if I was honest about the matter.

Kai had been determined to teach me how to cook after he found out that I burned nearly everythingI ever attempted to make. Although he found it absolutely _hilarious_, I felt completely humiliated. Still, he took me through the process step by step, and I finally began to feel at home in the kitchen. Now I wondered how I'd possibly managed before he came along. The only thing he had refused to teach me how to make was pizza, but I was more than capable of teaching myself from the basics he'd instilled in me. He just didn't want to risk any chance of having it on the dining room table, I suppose.

If the satisfied looks on both of the young faces and their empty plates were any indication, though, I could make a mean pie.

"Mom, why'd you put eggplant on it?" Lance asked. He wasn't complaining, merely curious, but I refused to answer him myself. Instead, I looked expectantly at the young girl beside him and smiled.

"It's because... I-I like it on mine," Opal explained shyly, her cheeks becoming tinged with crimson. My son smiled slyly, and as if he knew _exactly_ what he was doing, he leaned in closer to her. Her delicate hands came up to cover her darling face, but he wasn't deterred. I heard her mumble, "B-but if you don't like them, then..." Her sweet voice trailed off, submitting to her embarrassment.

"Oh, it's not that I don't like it," he cooed, laughing quietly to himself. I raised an eyebrow in anticipation which the other adults present were doing as well. Then he grinned knowingly and added, "I just like _you_ a lot better."

You could've heard a pin drop in that place... until Gray smacked the back of my son's head with a heavy hand, nearly sending him toppling over the counter. "I _dare_ you to try _that_ again, you little bastard," he growled menacingly. Lance rubbed the point of impact, and the man's daughter started to fret over him almost immediately. The boy only smiled, though, and assured her he was perfectly alright. However, I was more concerned with the grumbles of an overly protective father than the innocence of youth. "Goddess damned kid... Even at _six_, he's no better than his ass of a-"

A sharp jab in his side shut him up promptly as Mary gave him a serious, yet hushed, talking to. Although I found their tiff to be entertaining, I didn't hesitate to serve them lunch, and I decided to help the poor man out. "It's alright," I began to explain with an even tone. "Lance already knows about his father."

"Really?" the woman asked skeptically, adjusting her glasses. "If that is certainly the case, I don't mean any disrespect, Claire, but you certainly have come a long way in recovering after such a short time..." She nervously toyed with her pleated skirt while chewing on her bottom lip, and I felt guilty for making her fret over my feelings. Hers were just as tender which meant it wasn't fair for me to put her on the spot. That was precisely why I had been so troubled over the idea of people pitying me...

"That's for sure," her husband agreed, crossing his arms over his broad chest. "Usually, you'd be freaking out about now. Ow!" He flinched as Mary elbowed him once again. "I was only telling her the _truth,"_ he muttered bitterly, glaring at her for an instant before his face warmed, and then he quickly glanced away. Her poor husband was getting knocked around all over the place at my expense.

"You ought to learn to keep your opinions to yourself, boy," the old man scolded him with a chuckle. He beamed with pride when I set down the pickled turnips in front of him, yet I couldn't help but notice the face my son happened to make from his end of the counter. I even heard a rare giggle slip from Opal as he did so.

My life seemed so wonderfully ordinary that afternoon, yet I knew that I still had a job to do. I had to decide how much I was gong to share about Kai with my... _our_ child. There wasn't any avoiding the matter any longer. He had to know the _truth_.

--

"Lance, how much do you know about your father?" I asked, trying to keep it casual as we made our way home that evening. I guessed it was a good place to start since it would give me a somewhere to begin from. If I was in a humorous mood, I might've likened it to the "talk." There was no sense in telling him about things he already knew, but maybe that was simply my way skirting around the issue. _I_ was the one who was afraid of revealing too much.

"Well," he replied thoughtfully, going over the details in his young mind. Given the amount of time he was dwelling on things, I couldn't help but gulp nervously in anticipation, and I began to wonder exactly _what_ he was thinking about. He seemed to be taking some serious consideration on the topic. "I think I look like him cause I don't look anything like Dad... I mean, I don't have his hair, or eyes... Not like Opal." I smiled as I recalled Rick mentioning that very same detail, one I wasn't surprised hadn't been overlooked.

"Anything else?" I pressed further, wanting to understand the extent that he knew. He nodded which made my chest tighten even more. "What?"

He shrugged before answering again, "I know he liked pineapples, and now I know he didn't like pizza." He paused for a moment until he asked me, "Was the Snack Shack my dad's, too?"

"Yes, it was," I offered quietly, pulling him closer to me. Although it was a balmy summer's night, I couldn't keep myself from shivering. My nerves were frayed, but I kept strong for my son. However, it seemed he wasn't finished telling me everything he knew about his father, and I waited for him to keep going. It was a matter of now or never as we walked together. He glanced up at me, clearly concerned for how I was taking all of this, and I gave him a reassuring smile. "It's okay, Lance," I promised him. "You can go on."

"Um... I know he had a bandanna," he confessed, tugged at his own. Popuri had _swore_ to me that she hadn't revealed this to my son although I remained doubtful. However, this wasn't the time or place to mull over that matter. "I don't think it was yellow, though... What's the opposite of yellow, Mom?"

"Purple," I replied quietly. He certainly picked up on a lot, and I wondered if it had been because of me. I couldn't say for sure, but I had a feeling that he had caught on that my anxiety attacks and hysterical melt downs were the result of my grief which he, in turn, attributed to his true father. As an adult myself, I had begun to realize we gave young children far too little credit. They observed a lot in the world around them which they could connect into complex understanding. It was remarkable really...

"My dad's birthday was on the twenty-two, wasn't it?" he added without batting an eye. I gaped at how he knew _that_ as well. Our immediate family were the only ones that were aware of this, and the tradition of celebrating the boy's 'half-birthday,' which his adoptive father had dubbed it during his first summer, was a secret, too. Not even Popuri was allowed to hear about the special event. The boy had done an excellent job of piecing things together, ones that I never would've expected anyone other than myself and perhaps Rick to understand. After all, who could comprehend the absolute madness of what I had woven into our broken lives?

Although I couldn't explain it, I found I was compelled to tell him one last, crucial detail. "Do you want to know your father's name?" I asked weakly, feeling myself tremble. Of course, Lance nodded eagerly. I sighed heavy while I did my best to compose myself, yet I suddenly noticed my son holding my hand in his own. He gazed up at me with his warm, chocolate brown eyes, and I knew he was trying to comfort me. Without me saying a word or shedding a single tear, he understood how hard it was for me. "It was Kai," I told him with my voice cracking as I did so.

He made a peculiar face, and I chuckled. "It means 'the ocean.'" I drew a shaky breath before continuing, "And _your_ name... means 'the land.'" I could tell by his expression that he was less than impressed with my explanation. I didn't blame him, either.

"Why would you name me something like that?" he mumbled, kicking a pebble which sent it flying into the dark abyss of the night. My shoulders sagged under the weight of his question, but he really did deserve an honest answer. I was surprised at how easily it came, yet I suppose it was like a held breath. It was enviable that it would be brought out into the knowing world because it was a secret I just couldn't keep to myself any longer.

Turning to face my son, I saw my husband gazing back at me with all the tenderness he had felt for me in the past we shared together. I wondered where he was in that moment while I stood on that cobbled street with only the chirping of crickets to assure me that this wasn't a waking dream._ Is he as lonely as me? _I asked myself. Maybe it was nothing but a dull ache in his chest, or perhaps he simply couldn't feel the pain anymore... I honestly couldn't say although I prayed the man I'd loved wasn't left all alone, without someone to care for him. I wouldn't wish that on anyone... let alone him.

Lance continued to wait patiently for a reply, and I smiled as I gazed down at him through the mist that blurred my vision. Crouching down to his level, I held my child in my arms and kissed the top of his bandanna-clad head. He hugged me back, and I felt his small hands rubbing my back soothingly. I wanted to make it clear to not only him, but _myself_ as well.

"I gave you your name... because I didn't want to have to miss him..." I mumbled, choking back a sob.

Although he was quiet for a time, I knew there was one last question my son had for me, and it would prove to be the hardest one of all to answer. No matter how much time I had, I would never be able to prepare myself for it. I had only just come to accept that, and the moment of truth was already at hand. I was on my own in this, too, since Rick had left it for me to decide. To say I was afraid far from an accurate description... I was absolutely _terrified._ What if I said the wrong thing? Where did the lies end and the truth begin? How could I possibly tell my son something _I_ didn't even know for certain?

Swallowing the tension that had risen in my chest, I peeled the yellow fabric from his head and whispered into my son's dark, shaggy locks,

"He's _gone,_ Lance... He's gone... and he's never coming back."


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Chapter Sixteen**

**Colors**

"So, when's Opal coming over?" I asked pleasantly, peering into the oven. The heat blurred my vision, yet I was glad to see that my sweet potatoes were baking nicely, turning a wonderful golden brown. "I want everything to be ready by the time she gets here."

_"Mom..."_ the young man behind me protested. "It's not like you two haven't met already..." I nearly laughed to hear him sounding so annoyed although I knew it would only pester him further. Some parents may have found the teenage years to be troublesome, but I was enjoying how easy it was becoming to rile my son. However, I could still understand how he must've felt, being that I was young once as well. It seemed like it had been too long ago when I used to find my parents' behavior to be completely embarrassing... Not that I missed it any.

"I know," I replied with a bright smile, "but that was before she became my boy's _girlfriend."_ As I turned away from the stove, I laughed at my son's flustered expression which made his tanned cheeks burn an even deeper red. "Well, she _is_ your girlfriend now, isn't she?" I continued to tease.

"W-whatever," he mumbled although I could see the cheeky grin tugging at his lips, and at last, I saw his charming smile and perfectly straight, white teeth. His chocolate brown eyes absolutely sparkled with excitement as well, and I could tell he was wound up tighter than a screw. I don't think I'd ever seen him so happy until then, and that warmed my heart far more than anything else ever could. His happiness had become my own.

I couldn't be any prouder, either.

Lance really had grown in to a handsome young man like I, and everyone else in the village, had expected. He was already a good head taller than me, and I predicted he'd soon be towering over Rick as well. Like his father, he wore a suede jacket over a simple white T-shirt while wearing a pair of faded work jeans. He was lean in build and moved with a remarkable sense of grace, not at all lanky or awkward by any means. I also marveled at his fine, delicate facial features, which were probably the only traits he'd received from me.

I chuckled at the memory of Kimberly and Opal eagerly whispering to one another concerning my son's beautiful face.

Certainly, his warm eyes could melt any woman's heart, young or old. Even as his mother, there were times I caught my own cheeks warm under the brilliance of his charming smile. However, I had the right to assume it was his likeness to Kai that was the source of my rather embarrassing moments which was more than enough. I never ceased to be amazed and yet irritated by the shocking truth although it was no longer an impossibly heavy burden for me to bear.

"Are you feeling okay, Mom?" my son asked, clearly worried. It was always this way between us after he'd become old enough to act on his concerns. He would often offer his comfort immediately when he sensed something was wrong, or I would be quiet for a bit too long. I could even remember a time in which he had woken me up late at night, brushing away my tears. I couldn't recall the reason why I'd been crying, but it didn't take much to guess. Still, the fact that my boy was so understanding and loved me that dearly was more than enough to ease any of the suffering I had left in me.

"Yes, honey," I assured him with a laugh. "I was just thinking about how handsome my son is now that he's grown up."

"Mom," he chuckled, ruffling my hair, "you _always_ say that after you space out."

"Well, it's true," I insisted, still smiling up at him. "After all, Opal wouldn't go out with just _anybody_." My compliment flustered him as expected, but I didn't have long to revel in my victory before the timer chimed. "Looks like the sweet potatoes are done!"

"Hey, Mom," Lance began while I scurried into the kitchen once again. I gave him a muffled reply as I fumbled with the oven door, and he continued, "Did you make her an apple pie, too? You know how it's her favorite."

I blinked in surprise once I pulled the pan out and placed it on the counter to cool a bit. My face was warmed from the heat, but I had to admit it was an embarrassing situation. I almost _always_ baked an apple pie when I knew the young woman was visiting. However, it had entirely slipped my mind that day, and I was left at a loss for words. Lance merely laughed it off in his usual way.

"Don't worry about it then," he assured me, but I wouldn't hear of it. I really adored the girl although her grandmother may have disapproved of the budding relationship. I simply chalked her reasonings up to my bouts of hysteria in pervious years, and yet I still felt a twinge of guilt for my son. Anna was trouble enough without him having to be my child.

"Oh, it's no trouble," I scoffed, strolling over to the door and taking my coat off the rack. "I'll just head over to the supermarket for some flour since we need some anyway. You used the last of it at the Shack yesterday..." I mentally cringed at the memory of the fine, white powder becoming a cloud when the bottom had broken out from under the bag, and I was certain we'd still be finding more of it after it had settled for a year.

"Are you and Dad really going to let me _own_ that place?" Lance asked eagerly while I pulled on my jacket. I merely chuckled, taking my long hair out from inside the collar. Ever since I first started to teach him how to cook, my son had been rather obsessed with inheriting the seasonal business. I suppose his interest may have stemmed from the knowledge that it had once belonged to his true father. In fact, I was absolutely positive that was the case since he clung to whatever memories I could share with him. Although I was racked with guilt for fudging the truth, I couldn't bring myself to taking back what I had said, and I was afraid he would hate me for it.

I could only pray there wouldn't come a day where I'd have to explain myself for telling the boy his father had died when I had no absolute proof of it. Especially if it happened that I was mistaken... However, I highly doubted that would be the case after all this time. It would have to be a miracle, or perhaps I would've found it to be a horrible curse. I couldn't stake my life on it since I'd lost so much of it already to his memory.

"If you want, it'll be all yours, but you'll have to wait until you're old enough," I agreed.

"Mom," he began with a heavy sigh, "I'm _sixteen_, almost seventeen. I can handle it... and you _know_ I can." He clutched his fists, not with frustration but anticipation, and I could see the hopeful glint in his eyes. His desire was clearly overwhelming every other aspect of his personality.

"Then just think of how much you'll be ready when you're eighteen then," I replied cheerfully with a smile. "If Opal gets here before I do, be sure to tell her I'm on my way!"

Closing the door behind me, I jogged off down the cobbled street, but I soon found I had to slow my pace to a brisk walk. _I think I might be getting to old for this,_ I thought bitterly as I panted, causing small plumes of my breath to accumulate in front of me.

Autumn had only just settled onto the small town, yet there was already a distinct chill in the air that sent shivers right through to my bones. I wrapped my blue scarf snugly around my neck, and I smiled to myself, remembering how hard I had worked to make it myself. I had also knitted four others, and I had even dyed the yarn for each gift based on the recipient's favorite color. Yellow for Lance, green for Rick, pink for Popuri, and white for Carter... I chuckled when I recalled the pastor's expression when I gave him his present.

He was certainly flustered... especially when I explained why I had chosen white for him. _"It's because of your innocence in the matters of the heart,"_ I had told with a sly grin. The poor reverend was left absolutely speechless at the time although his entire face a rather beautiful shade of warm red.

My heart was light when I reflected back on the memory. However, as I glanced up towards the supermarket down the road, I felt my chest tighten, constricting into a feeling of dread. My eyes bulged at the horrifying sight. It only lasted for an instant, yet the brief encounter ripped me apart, breaking the carefully laid seal that had formed over my heartache with the passage of time. It had been nothing more than a scab... easily torn away to reveal the open wound beneath.

_There's no way..._ I thought, clutching at my heart in desperation. I tried to be reasonable, but the feeling wouldn't die away. _You're just seeing things, old girl. _If it truly was that simple, I was sure I wouldn't have the sense of foreboding chilling the blood in my veins. The overwhelming anxiety of seeing-

"Um... excuse me, A-Aunt Claire, but are you okay?" a young woman asked me, tugging gently at my sleeve. I glanced over to my left to see who had spoken, and I was met with two brilliant blue eyes which caused me to sigh with relief.

"Opal?" She merely nodded with her black, loose waves tumbling around her narrow shoulders before taking my hand into her own far more delicate one. "It's nothing..." I assured her. "Why do you ask?"

"You looked as if you were about to cry is all," she explained in her quiet, usual way. Opal hadn't changed much since she was younger, and I had to admit I wouldn't have wanted her any other way. After all, every mother fancies having such a polite daughter-in-law one day, and besides, she was a pleasure to be around which made her the best kind of company for anyone. Still, I hoped she would open up a little bit more since she was a tad meek yet. I was sure with Lance she was more outgoing, though, since he often told me what a chatterbox she could be during their moments alone.

As if talking was _all_ they were up to... Hah!

"Don't you worry about me, sweetheart," I assured her with a genuine smile. "I was just headed out to get some flour for that pie of yours. I forgot I ran out of flour after the party we had up at the Shack last night."

"Please," she protested weakly as she was clearly thinking she was being a nuisance, "you don't have to go to all that trouble just for-"

"Nonsense!" I cheered, leading her along. "How about you join me? It won't take much more than a minute, anyway." She nodded while giving into my insistence, and she began to trot along after me. Although I didn't reveal it to her, I was grateful for the distraction, especially one that flustered so easily. "Rick isn't going to be home for a while yet, and I can't trust you two alone, now can I?" I added in a teasing manner.

She flushed a deep scarlet, and I couldn't help but laugh.

--

"T-thank you for having me over for dinner," the young woman dismissed herself with a deep bow. Lance rolled his chocolate brown orbs, but I only chuckled as I shook my head. She was so unbelievably formal that evening, and I couldn't help but amused by her behavior. Maybe my son would learn a thing or two about politeness and tact as long as he was in a relationship with the incredibly darling girl. A mother could only hope...

"Opal, it was our pleasure. _Trust me,"_ I said with a laugh. "We had a good time, didn't we, Rick?"

"Definitely," he agreed, wrapping his arm around my shoulder lovingly. The poultry farmer had changed a lot in the past years although I couldn't say time was too kind to him. As I had feared, his once long, strawberry blonde hair had become completely gray from all his years of worrying, no doubt over me for the most part. However, I hadn't expected his face to start to age so soon. He insisted his slight wrinkles were nothing more than the result of smiling so much since we came to be together, but I knew better. "Lance, you'd better take her straight home and get back here right away. Wild dogs will be coming out this time of night."

"Alright, Dad," my son agreed, resting his hand on his girlfriend's waist. I saw the older man give my boy a stern look, but I nudged him gently in the side. "I'll be home soon, so you guys can go to bed."

"Good night then," I chirped out the door before the young couple vanished into the darkness and out of sight. I was eager to have her over again soon though I wasn't sure if Rick felt the same. He was hopelessly old-fashioned about these things...

"Why'd you do that? he asked, his voice tinged with irritation. "Didn't you _see_ how he was holding her?"

"Come on now," I argued, "it's not like he was all over her or anything... And I wouldn't doubt it if you were just fussing over it because you don't want them to be like Kai and Popuri were." I knew my words were scathing, but I just didn't understand his logic. _My _son wouldn't try to make a move, especially with a little lady like Opal on his arm.

Rick blinked at me curiously before he raised an eyebrow, and in the awkward silence that followed, I wished I could've kept my mouth shut. I knew the question that was going to be asked, but I simply began to dress myself for bed. Even so, just as I went to pull my nightgown out from the dresser drawer, I faltered. It was my favorite, the one I wore regardless of the season or its age. However, I couldn't bring myself to wear it despite how much I accustomed to doing so. I wasn't even able to tell myself why although I knew the answer.

"_What_ happened?"

"N-nothing,"I lied unconvincingly, my eyes refusing to meet his steady gaze. A terrible lump had formed in my throat, but I couldn't choke out the words I so desperately wanted, and most likely needed, to say. Like always, I simply didn't know which ones could possibly express everything I had felt that day since my trip to town. Though there were certainly feelings of fear and anxiety, I was strangely hopeful and relieved, too. "I'm just not feeling well," I explained with a sigh. That wasn't necessarily too far from the truth, either.

After all, what I had seen rounding the corner on my way up the cobbled streets _was_ sickening.... and it was what kept me from wearing my favorite nightgown as well. It may have only been a glimpse, but I had seen it clear as day. The memory of what I'd seen stuck with me because the tail end of fabric I had seen and my gown were the same, distinct color...

_Purple._


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Chapter Seventeen**

**Greetings**

My body was racked with nerves as I made my through town, but I refused to be confined to my farm and the countryside any longer. Three days of holding my self up was enough to drive me to the brink of completemadness, and after all the insanity I had put myself through over the years, I had lived through more than I thought I could bear as it was. I had put my mind to the test, and even with a scarred heart, I still came out on top. If _he_ was truly back, I could handle it myself. I was certain of it.

_Then why am I shaking?_ I wondered, trying to convince myself I was only pulling my jacket closer to me to keep out the cold. I knew fully well what the real reason was, but I wasn't about to admit it to me or anyone else. To do so would show my weakness, and although I was human enough to have one, if not many, I wasn't going to let anyone else share their opinion of it. I didn't need their pity from the start, and regardless of what may happen, I wouldn't need it now, either. _I can stand tall,_ I told myself. _If not for myself, then for my child... I'll stay strong._

Over and over again, I repeated those thoughts as my mantra, praying that I could keep it together. I had to... otherwise the past sixteen years of healing would become worthless. I didn't come so far in my life just to go straight back to the beginning. I wouldn't step down from the pedestal I'd erected for myself because it was a monument to my courage to move on. I could manage well enough even if there were times I felt as though I was falling apart on the inside. I reminded myself of this, and I continued to take long strides forward.

"Claire, is something wrong?" I stopped abruptly and turned to see a young man with thick, raven locks staring at me blankly with soft brown eyes. He was well dressed in a white button-down shirt under a green, knit vest, and I don't think I've seen another pair of such perfectly pressed slacks ever before, except for perhaps the doctor's. That was understandable, though, given that the physician happened to be his father and the nurse his mother.

"Ivan..." I breathed, trying to keep myself calm. Although he had his mother's eyes, his gaze was as intense as his father's, and I squirmed under their scrutiny. It didn't help my nerves any to realize he had most likely been briefed on my 'condition' since he was most likely reading through the medical records already. After all, he was going to inherit the town's local practice one day. Still, he was kind enough to keep this possibility to himself. "I hope you and your family are well."

"Likewise," he replied politely. He remained stoic as ever, it seemed. "Has your anxiety resurfaced?" Not to mention _blunt..._

"You don't miss much, do you?" I sighed, running my frail fingers through my thinning hair. I had effortlessly snagged a small clump of it which I quickly disposed of out of sight. Whether that was a sign of my age or a result of the stress I was under, I didn't really know, but it didn't make me feel any better about myself. Ivan continued to focus all of his intensity on me, and a shiver raced down my spine. Though I couldn't suppress it, I knew it didn't really matter. The young man had this affect on many of the locals, not just me.

"Is it because of-" Suddenly, the wind was knocked clear out of him by a blur of sheer force. The attack came as a shock to the both of us, but it didn't take much to figure out _who_ could have cut him sort. "Blast it, woman! Get off of me!"

"Aw, c'mon, Stiff! It's not like I hurt you any..." the young girl protested with a huff. "You wanna know something, though? You look all lanky, but you're built like a wall!" Although I was surprised at first, I couldn't help but chuckle once I realized who had attacked the poor boy. The fiery, little brunette may have looked more like her father with her dark brown hair and eyes, but her personality was nothing less than Ann's contribution... I had to pity poor Cliff for not only having to deal with his wife's unintentionally confrontational behavior, but his own daughter's as well.

"Kimberly..." I began scolding her with a laugh, "I'm glad to see you in such high spirits, but I don't think you should be so... passionate? Just a thought."

"Rightly put," the young man grumbled in agreement, trying to put himself back in proper order. "Honestly, you can be such a twit at times," he continued, sparing no bitterness in vocalizing his opinion of her. "If you ask _me_, I'd have to say you're the poorest excuse of a woman I've ever met. No sense of common decency _whatsoever._"

She had started to bicker with him about his rather sexist views, but I separated myself from their petty argument. My attention had drifted down the road a ways from us, and there I could see Manna and Anna chatting excitably between one another until they happened to realize I was watching. They were startled by my unexpected presence, yet they soon began to converse more fervently and giggle behind the backs of their hands. With that, they simply continued on their way to the Square with hurried footsteps. I might've been out of earshot, but it didn't take much consideration to know what they were discussing.

No doubt this was the biggest, most tantalizing scandal since I had become an estranged wife sharing her home with another man. Not to mention that I had a wayward husband traveling who knows where... in the company of who knows who. I certainly wanted to find the answers to those questions as well, I must confess. Oh, by the time I was finished prying out every minute detail out of him, he'd-

"Don't worry about those ol' biddies, Claire," the spritely girl scoffed, sticking her tongue out at the two women.

"Well, thank you, Kim, but I'm used to it by now," I explained after I had brought myself back to the youths waiting expectantly for a reply. "You learn to ignore the rumors in a small community like this," I assured her. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to ask your mother something." Both of the teenagers' faces paled to hear my resolve, knowing full well what I intended on doing, and I could see their minds working feverishly to deter me.

"Is that really necessary?" Ivan asked me while he tried to keep his voice even. He may have tried his best to appear mature, but he was only fourteen, hardly old enough to know what to do in such emotional situations. His mother may have been very empathetic as a nurse, but it seemed he had adopted the doctor's distance. For once, I was grateful for indifference in the troubling matter.

"Yeah, I mean... I can ask her for you," the budding, young woman offered. However, when I shook my head, she began to become a bit flustered. "I don't want you to cry, Claire," she mumbled as she chewed on her bottom lip thoughtfully.

"Don't you think you've suffered enough?" he added, studying me carefully. "Not to mention if your health can handle it..."

"My health isn't really _your_ concern," I snapped at him despite his young age. After seeing their hurt expressions, I sighed to try and calm myself down. They were innocent of any wrong doing, and here I was, taking out all of my anxieties out on them. However, I needed an outlet for all of my frustrations because they were already beginning to eat away at my sanity.

Luckily, there was someone who was going have to deal with all of it soon enough, and I couldn't say I was too eager to keep him waiting any longer.

There were no words to describe how I was feeling as I stalked off away from them. I was going to confront my inner demon for the first time, and like much of what I'd been through, there was no preparing myself for it. The inevitable meeting would've come sooner or later, so I was determined to face it on my own terms which meant I was as ready as I could ever hope to be. I had the will to see him although I wasn't exactly sure how I'd handle it once I did.

Unfortunately, there was only one way I could come to know for certain...

Even so, when I got to the front door of the inn, my blood ran cold, and I froze with my hand raised in the midair. _Can I really do this?_ I thought frantically. _Do I really _want_ to?_ Of course, I knew the answer, and it was a very simple one at that. I _did_, without a doubt, want to confront him and the feeling that came with his memory.

With a burst of total resolution, I gave into my desperate curiosity and the doors parted before me.

I had honestly expected to be greeted by everyone in the room turning to face me with eyes wide and mouths slightly agape like they did in the movies. However, although it certainly felt like one with my body on little more than autopilot, this wasn't a theater, and that meant I had to deal with reality. The first floor of the inn was in order as I had expected, and no one seemed to be there to witness a scene should one develop. Still, there was an undeniable sense of tension in the stale air which was already heavy with the scent of fermenting wine. I also couldn't shake the feeling of dread that had settled in my chest.

My eyes scanned the bar for him, but they happened to settle on Ann before I managed to find what I had come looking for. Her blue eyes flitted up from the glass she was polishing to me, and I could see the flustered warmth spreading up through her freckled cheeks. When she realized I had met her gaze, she looked away bashfully, clearly feeling guilty for what she had allowed to come into her fine establishment. I didn't blame her for accepting his business, though. After all, I wouldn't have wanted her to turn him away because then I wouldn't have the chance to get the answers I so earnestly desired.

"Where is he?" I asked coldly, not wanting to waste any more time with awkward conversation. If I was going to go through with it, I couldn't have any further distractions. After all, who knew how long my newfound confidence in my decision making would last me? I might just end up turning on my heel and running all the way back to my cozy little farm house, not to mention the man who had resided there with me for so long. I was absolutely sure I could undoubtably use his comfort right then.

She motioned to the table closest to the stairs, and there... my eyes fell on the figure that had haunted my most pleasant dreams and worst nightmares.

It was no wonder I didn't notice him at first since the offending bandanna lay abandoned on the round table in front of him. The purple hue of the fabric taunted me with its familiarity, but I kept my eyes set on the man who buried his head in his arms. Time hadn't been kind to him, it seemed, as his once dark, rich shaggy locks had become salt and peppered throughout the years. His warm, tanned skin was more likened to dried leather, and his clothes were also worn and faded by age and the elements. He was no more than a shell of the husband I had let go sixteen years before almost to the day.

_"Kai."_

I dropped his name as if it was the embodiment of all the burdens I'd carried in my lifetime. His head came up sharply, and I found I held my breath until his tired and dull brown eyes met my own. To say he was shocked was an understatement even though I didn't really understand how he couldn't have realized I would find him here eventually. It wasn't exactly the best place to try and hide out, being that it was the center of much of the town's happenings.

He tried to smile, but it faltered terribly, crumbling under the weight of his guilt. Despite his feelings of regret, I was still inclined to feel the urge to not only smack, but pummel the weak grin clear off his face. I was bitter and angry although I was certain it was rather obvious, yet there was also a hurt that cut deep within with me. I had been clinging to that heartache all through our separation, but what had only been a dull throbbing for quite some time suddenly tore through my chest mercilessly. I wanted to demand an explanation from him not with words, but with my sheer veracity.

As I came up to his table with determined strides, he noticeably flinched under my piercing gaze which sliced him right in half and revealed all the ugly truths that made up what he'd done to me. When I reached where he sat, slamming my hand down hard on the wooden surface, I could see the fear in his eyes. To think that there would be a day where we would meet again, especially on these terms. Me, the estranged wife, and he as the once wayward husband... who just so happened to come home.

I couldn't believe it myself.

"Good to see you, Claire," Kai greeted me, nervously rubbing the back of his neck while he swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. I had never seen him in such a small and sorry state before, yet I suppose it was fitting. There was no doubt that my will had grown much stronger since he had abandoned me, but loneliness could very well do that to anyone.

"Can't say I feel the same," I growled in a threatening manner, continuing to stare him down further into the hole he'd dug for himself. I had no choice but to keep him in his proper place which was so far beneath me. How could he possibly be that casual with me after all he'd put me through? I _despised_ him for it on top of everything else he had done to cause me so much of my misery. He didn't have a clue about how I'd felt. He couldn't possibly imagine the trials and tribulations that came with him leaving me behind.

"I wouldn't blame you for hating me," he replied as he took a deep breath and sighed. "I can understand how you must've felt."

"Do you _really_ think so?" I asked, my voice cracking in disbelief. Kai couldn't have known a damn bit of what I was feeling. After all, he certainly wasn't around to witness the results of my grief. He hadn't been the one there to comfort me while I flew into the hysterics, sobbing and cursing his name over and over. The only one to do that for me was... _"Do_ you?"

The weary traveler heaved another heavy sigh before slouching back in his chair. Now that I was closer to him, I could see the lines across his forehead and surrounding his once handsome features, and I realized they were the same ones which plagued Rick. They were the result of years of pain and suffering, but unlike my companion and I, I could only assume he had tolerated them on his own. He certainly didn't seem to have been in anyone's company for a considerable amount of time. Not that I was concerned any. I'd dealt with such feelings while being alone, too, so I had little to no pity for him in that regard.

When his thoughtful gaze met mine, I gasped to recognize the warmth that looked back at me. It was the very thing I had seen in Lance's chocolate orbs. And that was something I had shamefully neglected to consider... his _son..._

As far as my son was concerned, Kai had died before he was born, and while it was selfish of me, I didn't want him to know any different even now. It wasn't far from the truth with all things considered. After all, the man I had come to confront was unaware that he even _had_ a child due to the boy's birth happening after he disappeared. I needed to take precautions, though, before I was willing to go about doing that_,_ and I wasn't sure that I wanted to do that, either. Things would be better off if this man would just leave this place, like he did that first of fall.

Yes, that would be for the best... but I knew it wasn't going to happen any time soon.

Panic immediately began to rise in my chest, and I felt compelled to flee back to my farm to lock up my precious treasure. However, just as I was about to flee, I felt Kai take a hold of my wrist, and I found I couldn't wrench myself free. It wasn't as though his grip on me was particularly tight, but I simply wasn't able to move. Tears were welling up in my eyes, yet I let them fall freely since I was too exhausted to care about showing my weakness. If only he would just let me _go_, I-

"Claire, please..." Kai began quietly. I became aware of how his voice was no longer as smooth as it had once been, but I was quick to ignore my observations. Of course he had changed... I shouldn't have expected him to stay the same because I certainly hadn't. "I'm not asking you to forgive me... That'd be too much." I couldn't stop myself from shooting a scathing glare his way when he said it, and he chuckled with uncertainty. "I guess that's kind of an understatement, huh?"

Despite myself, I actually smiled. I almost immediately wiped it away, but he had caught it. He returned it, and if I had remained the young woman I had been on that terrible night I let him go, I might've fallen under its spell. It seemed that man still had all his charm...

"Sixteen years, Kai... _Sixteen damn __years__,_" I seethed, refusing to face him at first. All that time had passed, and here he was, expecting me to return to him with open arms. I needed a horrific truth to convince me to even consider forgiveness as an option. There was no way in hell I would ever allow myself to love him again. Too much had been lost for that to be the smallest possibility.

"I just think you should know something... More importantly, it's the reason why I didn't come back for you," he continued rather calmly, taking a steady hold of the table. While he started to rise, I actually gasped, and my hands went instinctively to cover my mouth that had fallen agape. "You see, I-"

"My goddess..." I whispered with obvious dismay ringing through my trembling voice. "Y-your leg is..."

_...gone._

From Kai's upper thigh down, his entire right leg was no longer there. His legs, or lack thereof, had been hidden from me beneath the wooden table, so I hadn't noticed it while he was sitting. However, the reality was certainly confronting me at that very moment. The empty pant leg which he had tied snugly where his limb abruptly stopped only struck the realization closer to home. I didn't know how he had come to lose it at the time, but right then, I didn't really give it much thought. The mere fact that it was missing was tragic enough.

I couldn't keep myself from crying in shock, but when he started to move to comfort me, I staggered back away from him. Although he was clearly hurt, I refused to go near him in my current state. There was only one person I could turn to in my time of need, and that's exactly to whom I intended to go. I tore away from Kai and fled for home. After all, that's where _he_ was...

The one I so desperately wanted to have to reassure me that everything would be alright.


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Chapter Eighteen**

**Cries**

That night, there was no chance of me getting any restful sleep while I agonized over what was to come the following day. I felt the storm brewing in my very bones, and I struggled to keep myself from stumbling into the snare that lay at my feet, ready to drag me up. I had become nothing but a coward as I was leery of any sign of conflict. I knew it was a matter of fate that the two would be picking for a fight, and it plagued my dreams, twisting them into nightmares.

Seeing Kai had left me completely drained, and I hadn't told Rick about my nerve-racking encounter, against my better judgement. It wasn't that I didn't want to confide in him, but I was afraid although it wasn't for myself. The poultry farmer's anger towards the traveler was legendary before I had even come to Mineral Town. Their confrontations never came to anything more than verbal blows, yet... I was fearful of what might happen to Kai this time around. At the very least, I could only imagine it wouldn't be pleasant by any means. Therefore, I wanted to keep myself together to precent the chance of arousing any suspicion of what may have been happening in the small community turned upside down by gossip.

However, I became well aware that I wasn't doing a very good job of keeping my anxieties under control.

"Claire, I think this is the third glass you've broken in one day," Rick observed, showing me a piece from my most recent victim. I chewed on my thumb nail bashfully and looked up at him before glancing away at the floor. He merely sighed, rolling his eyes, and knelt down to gather up the remains while he shooed me away. I complied, being that I was still barefoot, and I was dressed in nothing more than my new, blue nightgown although it was well past noon. I had become a nervous wreck, and I wasn't doing too well at keeping myself composed. I was shaking violently once again, something I hadn't done for years.

Lance had been watching the entire episode from start to finish, but he only raised an eyebrow at my irrational behavior. He hadn't seen me act so hysterically since he was young, so he apparently had to adjust to it all over again. Even when he caught on that I'd been keeping an eye on him, he only smiled up at me. "Do you want me to go to the Clinic for you, Mom?" he offered.

_"No!"_ I cried out, nearly launching myself over the counter top in my panic. I tried to run to him, but Rick suddenly wrapped his arms around my waist securely which prevented me from avoiding what was surely an oncoming tragedy. "L-let me go," I pleaded as I struggled desperately. His hold was surprisingly firm, though, and I found I couldn't break free. I could see my son was headed towards the door with a determined look on his young face. His finely curved jaw was rigid as he grabbed his jacket, but I tried my best to convince him to stay with me. "Please, don't go!" I begged before breaking down into broken sobs. "Please... don't leave..."

Although he hesitated, looking back at me with pitiful eyes, the older man shook his head solemnly. "Go on now, Lance," Rick insisted in a somber tone. I was so frantic that I actually bit down on his upper arm, but he just winced and gritted his teeth to keep himself from crying out in pain. "Get _going!"_ With that last urge, Lance tore off outside... beyond my desperately grasping hands. Still, I continued to reach out for him even though he was already taking off into town, the lion's mouth which I feared would swallow him whole.

When I was finally released, I made a mad dash for the door, but Rick managed to beat me to it. My blonde hair hung in my eyes, and I was certain I looked like a complete wreck. He stood there with his arms crossed over his chest, and he studied me with careful speculation. I was clearly past my rational breaking point by this time although I couldn't recognize it myself. He was kind enough not to comment on this, however.

"Mind telling me why you're so frantic?" he asked me. "You've been acting really strange this week..." His blue-green eyes narrowed at me although I knew he wasn't angry, merely curious. I could sense he was trying to read me in an attempt to uncover the truth behind my apparent madness.

"Because _he's_ here," I spat at him, running over to the dresser and tearing through my drawer to grab more suitable clothes than what I already wearing. I didn't have to see it to know that Rick was sporting a rather shocked expression, and I grinned wickedly as I considered the doubts he was having. If I hadn't seen Kai for myself, I wouldn't have believed it, either. However, I knew the truth all too well, and even though it frightened me, I knew it would have a very different effect on the man who considered him to be a rival.

"Are you serious?" he asked breathlessly. I glanced back at him to see his body was completely rigid expect for his left hand which toyed with the doorknob. He was in a state of disbelief, yet I could tell the fury was beginning to rise up in him, flickering behind his thick frames. "That _son of a bitch..."_ he muttered angrily to himself, whipping around to head out. I actually gasped when he ripped open the door with an impressive show of force which made it slam against the wall, and although my overalls weren't clasped yet, I followed him at a dead run.

I knew that this would happen, yet I'd been too busy trying to rile him up just to get me outside. Who knew what Rick would do if he laid his hands on the man who'd caused me so much pain all these years? Although Kai was oblivious to how he had scarred me, the other man knew all too well, and he seemed determined to make his natural enemy pay for it. Besides, there were a few other scores to settle as well which had stemmed from a hatred for one another that surpassed time itself. I could only hope that the tan traveler would still have the rest of his limbs in tact by the time I caught up with the overprotective poultry farmer.

For Kai's sake if nothing else, I was grateful to have caught up to Rick before the impending fight could begin.

He hadn't even had the chance to reach for the door, and so with a burst of desperate adrenaline pumping through my veins, I latched onto him and buried my face into his back. His body was still rigid as if all the tension he'd been carrying was about to tear him apart, or, and I shuddered at the thought, perhaps he'd have his chance to rip into someone else. I cursed myself for ever saying anything about the matter to him since I, even in my moment of madness, knew all too well the consequences of doing so.

"Rick... don't hurt him," I tried to convince him earnestly, clinging to the once reassuring fabric of his sweater. "He's..." I involuntarily shivered to think about it, "suffered enough." The man sighed in defeat, it seemed, but when I began to feel the flood of relief to think I had won a small victory, he turned around to face me. After I gazed up to meet his eyes, I found they were still clouded with anger and hatred towards the other. It was then I first began to realize that those damning thoughts would never be extinguished once and for all. Just as I held onto my grief, he had his bitterness. It was a part of him; it always had been and always would be.

"Claire..." he began, resting his large hands on my narrow shoulders. "He's not the man you _thought_ he was. I doubt it he ever was, but even if he _was_ at one time, he sure as hell isn't now." His words stung... because I knew he was probably right. However, I wouldn't hear of it, regardless of whether or not it was the truth.

"That doesn't mean you should go and beat the _shit_ out of him!" I argued, taking a tight hold of his sweater and balled my fragile hands into fists. I was doing my best to be firm with him, but I couldn't stop shaking. Whether a result of my frayed nerves or my frustrations, I didn't know, and it didn't really matter. My tears fell freely although I wanted to hide them from him.

"See, this is why I can't forgive him," he whispered as he brushed away the damp pearls. "I can't even count how many times he's made you cry throughout the years..." Rick held me closer to him, and I foolishly thought that would be the end of it. However, it would seem he was still hell bent on having the final say in the matter as he gently pushed me away. "I'm sorry," he apologized quietly like he was obliged to do so, and then he kissed me on top of my head.

Before I could protest further or even call out his name, Rick had thrown open the doors to the inn. I winced in surprise when they slammed into either wall, and I could actually feel the animosity radiating off of him which left my heart twisting itself in knots. It was frightening really.

The way he carried himself with his impossibly tight fists and the stiffness in his hunched shoulders and limbs was anything but the kind and gentle soul I'd come to know... and _love_. I did my best to assure myself that the tension would pass, and then we could go home without any more strife although I knew that by now that wasn't even a possibility.

Trailing in after him in a mad scramble of sorts, I stumbled into the inn. I saw Kai's head shoot up from his drink at the bar which he'd been leaning on. I internally flinched at the absence of his leg as soon as I saw him, but Rick didn't seem to notice though it might've been that he simply didn't care. Even without all his limbs, the traveler was every bit of the rival, real or imagined, he had been so long ago. There was a sign of fear which flickered in his brown eyes as he stumbled back, sending what appeared to be his crutch clattering to the floor. He was quick to catch himself on the counter, much to my relief.

Still, he wasn't standing for long when he was lifted clear off the ground by his jacket. "Mind telling me _why_ you've decided to crawl back here?" the older man growled.

Calm as ever, Kai didn't cower from or challenge his adversary even while, or perhaps it was because, he was suspended in midair. He merely rested his hands on Rick's clenched fists and smiled. It was a mischievous grin, and I wondered how he could possibly feel so at ease in his predicament. "Well, just to see _you_, gorgeous," he teased, trying not to wince as the grip on his collar tightened. "I can't say I'm all that surprised you paid me a visit, though." Judging by his arrogant behavior, I had to wonder if he had actually missed these violent moments between them.

"You Goddess damned..."

"Rick!" I cried out, throwing myself onto him. I wrapped my arms around his waist in a weak attempt to restrain him while I continued to temble, and I buried my face in his side, only glancing up at the man who had been my husband. I could see that Kai raised a eyebrow concerning my apparent display of the closeness between me and his attacker. However, I wasn't ready to answer his questioning gaze just yet, and so I brought my attention back to Rick. "Don't you_ dare_..."

"Why shouldn't I?" he challenged, glaring up at his defenseless opponent. _Men..._ I swear I would never understand them completely regardless of how much time I had spent in their company over the years. It's impressive really how much strength they find when it comes to keeping another man in his 'place.' To me, it was horrific, yet there was also a part of me that found it absolutely foolish for them to act in this way. Rick was no exception.

"Because he hasn't done anything to _you_," I replied bitterly "He hurt _me..._ not you." With a heavy sigh, I continued, "I'm not going to tell you again. Put. him. d_own._"

Although Rick complied rather begrudgingly, he chose to let Kai drop unapologetically onto the hardwood floor. The traveler winced as he landed, but he didn't openly complain. I, on the other hand, was almost beside myself with resentment towards the insult. "Are you completely _blind?"_ I demanded, gesturing to the man on the floor. "He's-"

"Claire, I'm alright," he assured me, picking himself up by using the counter as a support. "It's not first time I've landed on my ass, and it certainly won't be the last," he added with a forced laugh. It was almost painful to hear it, and I had to glance away for a moment to collect my thoughts.

He wasn't some child that needed looking after although he certainly looked like one that I was very familiar with. That realization sickened me as I had expected it would, but it was the truth. The similarities between father and son were all the more apparent when I had both of them in my lives. I only prayed I'd have a little more time to keep them apart until I could figure out how to explain the situation and my reasonings for it to them both.

"You didn't answer me, Kai," Rick reminded him, seemingly uncaring about his condition. I had to admire it for him really since I couldn't think past it. I felt nauseated while considering all the possibilities of how he could've lost it during his travels. The list was endless although all of them were rather gruesome to imagine. He had told me that he would work on the freighters and cargo ships to get from place to place, but somehow, I didn't believe that was what had caused him to lose his leg. "If you think you're going to get any pity from me or anyone else around here, you-"

"I _don't_, and I didn't come here for it, either," Kai retorted, narrowing his eyes. His gaze softened when it settled on me, though. I was still clinging desperately to the poultry farmer, and while I felt most comfortable there, I also felt guilty for letting him see it. Despite the sixteen year separation, I was still his wife, and Rick was clearly the _other_ man... who was now holding me in return. His arm was wrapped protectively around my shoulders in almost a possessive manner, like he was afraid I might be stolen away by the rogue. I never would've expected I'd be at the center of a developing feud of jealousy.

Even so, something told me that this had been progressing long before I'd come to realize it.

Maybe I was too innocent or just plain oblivious to have noticed it until now, but I was beginning to recognize that I was a part of a love triangle of sorts. Although I didn't feel as though I had done anything to provoke these feelings in them, I wasn't so sure of anything about myself anymore. When Kai visited during the summer, I spent nearly each and every day with him, but he was gone for three seasons out of the year. Rick was there for me during those times in his absence, and I'd found so much comfort in that. The tenderness he was kind enough to share with me was charming in its own way, and there was no denying that it reassured me.

Perhaps that's why it was so easy for me to fall in love with him after all this time.

"Then why _did_ you come back?" Rick growled once more. I closed my eyes, preparing for the answer would come which had been the very one I'd been dreading. It was rather meaningless for such a question to even be asked, but I had known it would come this...

"Well..." the traveler sighed, tilting his head back while he searched for the words. "I _was_ hoping..." His tired voice trailed off, and he chose to shake his head in favor of finishing his statement. My heart fell when I fully realized that _I_ was the one he had returned for. What if the thought of coming back to me, the woman who above all others was supposed to be loyal to him, had been the only thing keeping him alive all these years? Maybe he truly hadbeen struggling to rejoin me, and now... now it had seemingly all been in vain since I had apparently moved on without him. I'd broken his trust. I didn't-

_"Wait for me, darling..."_

His words wounded me like a sharp blade, and the tears that had been welling in my eyes began to fall once again. After all this time of healing, it just took that fragment of a memory to break me. I nearly fell to my knees, but Rick was there to catch me as always. The hate which burned in his eyes was suddenly released in all its fury.

"You worthless piece of_ shit," _he seethed, his voice rising with every word. "She _did_ wait for you. For sixteen Goddess damned_ years_ she waited! She-"

As I heard the doors to the inn open once more, my heart fell into the pit of stomach, and I felt the foreboding panic that rose in my chest to replace it. _Oh please..._ I begged, feeling my heart begin to tear. _Please... not now... don't let him-_

"Mom, what's going on? Is everything... all... right?"


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Chapter 19: Lies**

When I saw Lance in the doorway of the inn, his chocolate brown eyes filled with hurt and confusion, my heart crumbled inside me. I felt nothing more than a dull ache at first because I had been left rather numb by shock. However, the sharp pain in my chest came soon enough, and I nearly dropped to the floor. If it hadn't been for Rick's strong hold of me, I was certain I would have. The two men who had been so caught up in their heated argument had also fallen silent, and out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of Kai's bewildered expression.

Glancing at both father and son in tandem, I was terrorized by the reality of their almost eerie similarities.

Though I had known they were nearly identical, that was based off of nothing more than memories of the man, so to have them it the same room... it was too much for me to cope with all at once. They were anything but opposites at the moment. Their dumbfounded expressions almost matched perfectly while they took in what could be easily mistaken as their reflections, and it became something of a twisted nightmare where the image in the mirror comes to meet you face to face. The only differences were the color of their bandannas, their age, and of course, the fact that one of them was missing a limb.

Although I anticipated for him to confront me right there and then, Lance turned his back to the entire scene instead, and he walked out of the inn without a word. He didn't have to say anything to me because his eyes had said more than enough. It wasn't as simple as hate, but it was something much worse that he felt towards me. Hate never lasts forever, but resentment can burn for an eternity.

I had broken his trust, and now...

"Lance!"

I called out after him before I wrenched myself out of Rick's secure arms, not bothering to wait for Kai's reaction to the mere thought that he could've been a father all these years, let alone being right in front of the truth. I didn't need my maternal instincts to guide me though I knew that I had to find my son. If I couldn't be assured that everything would be alright, I wanted to have the chance to try and put things back together again. It was all I coulddo in that moment, feeling as dejected as I did.

I found him at the only place I knew he'd run to which, given the circumstances, was a rather obvious choice at best. Even so, I found it fitting that he happened to be sitting on the bench beside the Snack Shack where his father once spent his days while he waited for what may come his way. However, the man I had remembered waving me over with a cheeky grin had been replaced by a sullen, young man with his head in his hands. The autumn chill had also settled onto the beach, and it only served to remind me further that this was not one of those happier days in the past. If only I could go back to those good times, maybe then I could've avoided this whole mess, but now was not the moment to spend reminiscing and asking myself what could've been.

Once I came up to my child, I was at a complete loss for words. I honestly had no idea what I could possibly say to explain myself... so I didn't. I merely sat down beside him, and I waited for him to break the silence that had fallen between us in a few, scant hours. Although I wasn't sure how long we spent sitting, he finally lifted his head, but he still wouldn't look at me, not that I could blame him. At last, he muttered, "Why did you lie to me?"

Taking a deep breath, I answered him as calmly as I could manage, "Because it's..." I sighed heavily before going on, "I thought it was the best thing to say at the time, Lance." That wasn't a false statement, either. When I had first told him at six that his father was 'gone,' I felt I was doing my duty as his mother. "I was afraid you would wait for him, too," I continued to explain. "I didn't want you to be hurt... like I was."

"You didn't want me to be _hurt?"_ he replied with bitterness in his voice while he gritted his teeth. "What about _now?"_ Lance demanded, almost throwing himself off of the bench. He turned around abruptly to face me and ripped into me with an unrivaled harshness. "Mom, you told me he was fucking dead! _Dead! _Mom... Why the hell would you even say something like that without knowing for sure?" Although my heart was breaking, I kept on believing it was his confusion that was causing this anger. I could feel the tears brimming in my eyes, and while they threatened to spill over, I was able to hold them back.

Even so, I never would've imagined what he'd accuse me of next.

"Did you even fucking _wait_ for him to come back before you ran off with D- Rick?" The venom in his bite was lethal, but nothing could've held me back after his scathing remark shot out of his mouth, unfiltered through his adolescent mind.

"He left me for _sixteen years_, Lance!" I shrieked, my eyes burning with tears and anger. "He was gone before you were even _born! _What did you _expect_ me to do?" I asked breathlessly. The young man was left speechless, but I wasn't finished. "Don't you get _it?_ Rick was _there_ for me!" Then I paused. "No... he was there for the _both _of us!" I could hear my voice was getting hoarse from the sheer volume and broken sobs that racked within it. "How was _I_ to know he was still alive? Can you tell me that?Can _you_ tell me what I was supposed to do?"

With all of my own energy flushed out in one sweep of pure emotion, I suddenly realized the weight of everything I had said in the last few seconds though it felt like an endless expanse of time. I knew it was too late to regret what I'd let out of the cage that was my heart. Maybe it was the result of so many years of going over the same thoughts, the same upsets, the same nightmares again and again that had left me so unable to contain my inner conflict... In the end, it really didn't matter since I was going to deal with the consequences.

My eyes widened as I glanced up at him, for Lance was utterly empty of everything he could've felt towards me. His once warm, chocolate orbs were cold and unfeeling towards me. As a mother, I would've preferred his anger and bitterness compared to indifference. It was remarkably frightening for me, and my stomach turned to consider it as a possibility.

There was nothing I could do to deal with it, either. If he was upset with me, I could've waited out the storm, and during the moments _his_ heart ached, I would've always had some way to comfort him. However, what could I do when all he felt was apathy? I knew by the way he gazed down at me that he thought of me like the others in town. He saw a broken woman... It was like when our neighbors would look towards me before and after he was born, and I couldn't stand it anymore now than I could then.

I was faced with the reality that my son was... _pitying _me.

"Please, Lance, I..." My words failed, trailing off into nothingness. What could I possibly even think of saying after all that had just happened in less than one Goddess awful day? Although I was going to try and say something more, the young man cut me off.

"Don't bother, Mom," he scoffed, stalking off away from me. "Just _don't_..." I wanted to rush to my son and hold him desperately tight against me. I didn't follow this time, though, because I felt I was too unfit as a mother as it was. I wouldn't resort to begging for him to accept me. I'd let him down by losing my temper once again, and I accepted without question that there was going to be a rift between us where there'd only been a glass wall before. It was a cruel turn of fate, but something told me that his father would've never walked away from me like this. He certainly didn't that day so many years ago...

_"Wait for me, darling..."_ That's all he'd asked, and like both he and my son had said, I didn't bother to. I simply went to the first arms that were willing to hold me which was just out of my own selfishness. Was that where I had gone wrong all along? _Should_ I have been content to sit at home and pine for my wayward husband?

Somehow... despite what I had gone through, I didn't feel that was quite right.

--

"Claire?" I lifted my head slowly, unsure of how long I had been sitting beside the Snack Shack on that lonely bench. If the reality that the moon had risen up into the velvety sky was any indication, it was well beyond the time of night I should've been in bed. However, I knew who had come for me, and although it was nothing more than my needs pressing me on, I was glad to hear the familiar, reassuring voice. "Are you going to come home, or are you and I going to sleep in the Shack?" he asked, trying to find humor in the situation. I really did wish I could share in his peculiarly good mood.

"Rick," I began weakly, trying to pull myself out of the haze I'd fallen into. "Did Lance go home?"

I felt his large hands rest on my trembling shoulders, and I could smell the comforting scent of our home, the one that been built for me and another. I had to question the irony within that thought, but I decided to save it for a more appropriate time. "He's... okay, I suppose. He made a pretty ugly face at me when he got back, though. What happened?"

"Just that I lost my head," I replied with a shaky laugh. I was clearly disillusioned, but I strangely felt at ease since the whole ordeal had left me rather numb. Rick lifted me up gently from where I'd been sitting, and he brought me close to him while resting his head on mine. "I wish I'd never said a thing to him," I confessed, gazing up at the man who'd come for me. I hadn't seen him so calm and collected after the entire drama had begun over a decade ago, yet I felt I could leave it in his capable hands. After all, he'd proven time and time again how reliable he truly was...

"What did you tell him about Kai if you don't mind my asking..." I smiled uncertainly at his simple request. I really hadn't told the man at my side anything that had been discussed with my son, but it wasn't because of a lack of trust on my part. He merely hadn't asked me about the matter until now. While he ran his fingers through my hair and we made our way home in the dark, I thought back to three years prior to this dreadful day.

_"Mom, what did you mean when you said my dad was gone?" L_ance had asked me as I busied myself with packing up some of my belongings, many of which concerned the boy's father. It had been seven years since I had told him what little I could being that he'd been the tender age of six at that time. It wasn't much of a shock that he'd brought up the subject, and for once, I felt I was prepared with a reasonable answer for him.

_"It isn't easy for me to tell you," _I'd begun with a heavy sigh and shook my head in dismay, _"but I think you're old enough now to know." _I held up our old and worn wedding photo for him to see._ "Your father was a traveler even before I met him. He'd always been one for the thrill of adventure, I suppose."_

_"Is that why he left?" _he wondered, maybe more to himself than me. His warm, chocolate orbs looked up at me in anticipation, and I chuckled as I handed him the photo. He held it gingerly, like he was afraid it was going to fall apart in his hands, but I could see how much it meant to him. He may have only been thirteen, but I reasoned it was precious to him to have something that proved his father had, in fact, existed.

_"Yes, I think so," _I agreed wistfully while I tried to keep myself from tearing up. It wasn't that I was sad to remember the moment anymore, but I had to ask myself what was too much or too little when it came to explaining these things. I didn't want to say more than he could handle at once.

_"Then what happened to him?"_ Lance asked in almost a whisper._ "Why didn't he come back?"_

With another heavy sigh, I closed my eyes to give myself a chance to think of how to put all the words together. Glancing over at him, I realized what I had to say. Although I didn't know for sure, there was nothing else I could offer to my son. I accepted telling him what I felt in my heart would be the best remedy, and so I finally replied,_ "I'm sorry, but... Kai isn't just _gone,_ Lance." _His eyes widened considerably, and I paused, wondering if I should continue. Taking a deep breath, I ended it all, or that's what I came to tell myself. _"Your father died before you were born..."_

He never questioned me on how Kai might've passed away, but I think he was afraid to. After watching his mother fall apart at every mention of the man or his memory, of course Lance would've been cautious about discussing the matter with me. He rarely pressed for details when it concerned his true father, and I'd grown comfortable with that. If only I had been more willing to share my own uncertainties, then maybe I could've avoided having to deal with this madness that had become of my cowardliness.

"Are you alright, Claire?" Rick asked, bringing me out of the stream of memories. I glanced up at him to see the concern shining in his blue-green eyes once we stepped onto the farm. It was eerily silent on the property with all of the animals locked up for the evening. Everything was in its proper place, and the fields were already beginning to show signs of a bountiful harvest with not even a single leaf out of place. We certainly were able to create a wonderfully prosperous business from what been so rundown in the beginning. However, it was nothing but an illusion of the order in our lives.

Strange how I'd only just realized it after tragedy seemed to have struck me.

"Y-yes, I think so," I replied while I tried to force a chuckle. He ran his hand up and down my arm reassuringly before he kissed my forehead with tender love. Although I flinched, I still had to admit that I appreciated his shameless signs of affection. It was warm and comforting in a way, and I needed that more than anything, especially with my world seeming to fall apart right before me. "Rick... are you still going to stay with me?"

He blinked in surprise before raising an eyebrow. I nearly laughed to see him so uncomfortable, but I held it in. "Do you _want_ me to?" he mumbled as he was clearly confused by what I meant.

"That depends on you," I assured him, leaning into his side and wrapping my arms around his waist. "I... I really don't want you to go, Rick, but I don't... I'm not sure what I'm going to do." Everything seems like it's falling apart, and I feel like it's all my fault. I just-"

"Claire, there's nothing you could've done to make this happen, and there's no way you could've kept it from happening, either," he explained to the best of his ability. "You just have to accept to let what will be, be. And what won't, won't..." He thought on it for a moment before tucking his gray hair back. "What I mean is... um..."

"Don't worry," I chuckled. "I understand." Though I didn't say it, I was truly grateful to him. After all, Rick had been there for me since the very beginning of my whole heartbreaking ordeal, and I was absolutely sure he'd be there until the very end as well. He had always been the one I could rely on, more than even myself, and I knew he'd support me in whatever may come my way. Still, I had to accept that I was the one who had to make the decisions in my life...

And now was the perfect time for me to start.


	20. Chapter Twenty

**Chapter Twenty**

**Truths**

Not surprisingly, I was a little worried about talking to Kai alone.

Rick had offered to come, of course, but I felt he would only complicate things. Not only would the issues of love and honor come into play, but I was painfully aware that he also might lose his temper again, being that he was too focused on his own personal agenda against the other man. I expected to keep Kai in relatively one piece which I couldn't guarantee with his rival hovering beside me.

Not to mention, I wasn't as weak as I was in the beginning.

Though the years had been long and, at times, unbearable, I had become a confident woman in my own right. To be honest, I was feeling more than alive at that moment since I felt every emotion coursing through my body from apprehension to relief.

I knew it was necessary for me to explain what had gone on in the past sixteen years since Kai'd been away. Well... at least the points which concerned his son. I wasn't about to try and justify my decision to be with Rick because I felt it didn't really concern either man at the moment. My personal relationships weren't the pressing matter right now while my child and his possible future were at stake, and I wasn't going to be distracted by anyone's affections for me or mine for them.

_Lance _was the one I was worried about.

When I arrived at the inn, I wasn't surprised to find Kai waiting for me. He was resting comfortably at the bottom of the stairs, but once he saw me come in, he glanced up at me and proceeded to lift himself in a somewhat graceful manner. I couldn't stop myself from feeling rather sorry for him during his struggle to stand upright. After all, what had been such a lively, young man in the past was now crippled, and it pained me even more to see how he had aged far beyond his years. Even when it was forced, though, the smile he flashed me had the same warmth it did so long ago.

"How about we go for a walk?" he offered as if we were nothing more than two old friends who just happened to be seeing one another after a long separation. I raised an eyebrow given his physical condition, and realizing my concern, his face fell slightly. It was then he sighed and assured me, "I just need to get out of this place for a while... So don't worry about me, Claire." I only nodded solemnly in understanding, and he hobbled out ahead of me into the surprisingly warm autumn air.

Kai and I made our way through town at a slow, easy pace in a strangely calming silence. I actually made an inner prayer of thanks to the Goddess that very few people would be strolling around town during the mid-morning hours. Although we weren't really a what I would consider to be a 'couple' any longer, he was still my husband by law, and I wasn't in the mood for gossip. I was also firmly against anyone making light of his current state. I simply wouldn't tolerate someone talking down to him for it, whether I was there to defend him or not.

Maybe things weren't like how they used to be, but I still felt something for the man at my side. While it certainly wasn't love, I couldn't really say it was hate,either. It simply _was,_ I suppose_... _and that was more than enough for me.

Like his son the night before, the traveler had brought us to the beach which wasn't unexpected by any means. I wondered if he had bothered to come here until now, yet I soon understood that it may have well been impossible for him to.

His crutch sank deep into the sand with every step he took, and I could see the frustration clearly written on his face. He would simply steady himself with his good leg and pull the prop out for the next step. However, when I went to help him, he only shrugged me off. I didn't hear what he said to me since he muttered it under his breath, but I was sure it was anything but kind.

At last, we'd found ourselves standing in front of the Snack Shack, and I felt my chest tighten as I glanced over at Kai. His tired eyes were brimming with tears which were already beginning to spill over his sunken cheeks. It was then he caught me watching his pitiful display of remorse, and with an embarrassed chuckle, he started to untie his bandanna to wipe away the droplets that had fallen. "Can I see her again?" he pleaded with me bashfully while he ran his slender fingers through his salt and peppered hair.

"Of course," I replied, pulling the key out of my front pocket. He smiled weakly to see that I had always kept it right over my heart, but he didn't say a word if only because he had most likely already accepted it would never unlock the feelings for him that I'd shut away so long ago. As the screen door swung open, though, I heard his breath catch in his throat. "Is she in good shape?" I asked eagerly, secretly wanting his approval, as he tottered inside.

Running his free hand lovingly over the counter, he couldn't hide his cheeky grin, and I actually felt my heart jump to see it.

"Goddess, Claire... She's beautiful..." he agreed, his voice cracking. I had to admit that I was proud of myself for deciding to fix her up ten years prior to his return, yet I also felt another distinct emotion rising up in my chest. While he made his way over to the small kitchen, he touched every single object that had once belonged to him with affectionate tenderness, and I wondered what could be running through his mind right then. It was only then that suddenly realized what I'd been feeling for the poor man...

It was _pity._

Yes, while there was definitely a part of me that was angry with him for leaving me for all those years, I could still pity him for what had happened. He'd left behind so much more than just me since I was only a part of his life for eight years. The Snack Shack was the business he'd put up when he first began visiting Mineral Town during the summer season, and before I'd come into the picture, he had worked here tirelessly for three years. It was his baby in a sense... ironic though it was.

"Kai..." I began quietly, not really wanting to disturb him in his moment of fond remembrances. He turned to face me, and I caught him blushing apologetically. He hadn't meant to drift off into his own thoughts which was something I hadn't really planned on doing myself. I had a mission as a mother, after all. "It's about Lance..."

He sighed heavily and made his way back around the counter before he managed to lift himself up onto a stool. I waited for him to reply, but Kai only tipped his head back as if he were contemplating something. Finally, he mumbled, "I just can't believe I'm a father..."

I merely nodded as I took up a seat myself, and with me at his side, he chose to continue. "I mean... I have a son that... that I didn't even know I had. I know he's mine... That's obvious. But when..." Lifting his head again, he gazed into my eyes while his own shone with the same hurt and confusion I'd seen in his son's the day before. "Why didn't you tell me you were _pregnant?_ I wouldn't have left if-"

"Because I didn't know," I admitted truthfully. Although I had never thought on it much at the time, I found it rather strange that I hadn't suffered from the usual ailments in the first season of my pregnancy, and I had to be the only woman on earth that would've wished it upon herself as well. Maybe I could've kept my once wayward husband home for a good while longer, yet something told me he would've left at one point or another. It would've only prolonged the pain in the end. "I found out after you were already gone, _and,"_ I added firmly, "it wasn't like you ever _wrote_ to me so I could find your address to tell you."

"Yeah," he agreed with a half-hearted chuckle, accepting his defeat as gracefully as he could manage. "I know..."

I thought about pressing further on the subject, but I decided it was better to leave it for the time being. I could always bring it up at another time, after all. "He really admires you," I assured him. "Lance was always asking about you... even when he was little, and-"

"Who gave him that bandanna?" he asked rather suddenly, gesturing to his own. Of course he would want to know that since it was probably what drove the truth right on home. It wasn't as though it was an easy characteristic he could just shrug off when it was an obvious choice of headgear for his own son, and I knew he'd have to ask sooner or later. He may have been away for over a decade, but I still knew him well enough to expect these things.

"Popuri did," I explained matter of factly with a knowing smile. Kai slapped his hand to his forehead and rolled his eyes. Most likely he had assumed it was just an extension of her seemingly endless love for him, but I wasn't sure if I should be the one to break to him that that was no longer the case. A lot had changed since he had left the small town for what everyone had assumed to be for good. I chose to leave it up to him to find out for himself in the end.

"And why was it yellow?" he continued which actually stupefied me a bit. I felt my own cheeks warm as I reconsidered my previous, rather delirious attempts to make them appear as opposites, and I argued with myself on whether or not I should share my reasoning with him. "I mean, it's that a _little_ too well planned that his name is Lance _and_ he wears a yellow bandanna around."

Count on _this_ man to be the one to know exactly how all the pieces fit together.

"Oh for Goddess' sake, Kai," I moaned in both agony and defeat, turning myself around on the stool to face the kitchen wall. I rested my elbows on the counter and buried my face into my hands. I really didn't feel like talking about my nervous break-downs and the anxiety attacks which had plagued my life up until this point. I doubted I would ever be comfortable with that... weaker, more vulnerable side of myself. Of course, it wasn't as if I was trying to deny all those feelings. Even the way I was becoming had been influenced by what I was then, and there was no avoiding it as a part of the truth. "I really did miss you," I confessed sheepishly, not willing to meet his unwavering gaze.

"Then-"

"Not now, I came to see you today about your son," I reminded him quickly. I couldn't help but notice him flinch slightly at the mention that he was, in fact, a father now despite that he had just come to realize it for himself. I figured I was being fair, though, since I'd done more than fair share of the parental duties over the time in his absence. "You see..." I began with some understandable hesitancy in my voice. "Remember when I said Lance asked about you?"

"Yeah," he agreed with a short nod while he leaned back onto the counter, nearly losing his balance in the process. "Doesn't surprise me... He and Rick really don't look alike." I winced to hear him say it, but it was more because I heard the tinge of jealousy in the man's voice concerning his rival.

"Well, that's true, but it's not that he asked about you that's the problem." This was an unfortunate turn of events though I _had_ been ready for it. Therefore, I had the perfect explanation for him to relieve some of my own guilt. "He asked me why you weren't around, and..." Glancing up to meet Kai's warm, brown eyes, I actually felt my heart skip once again. He was gazing at me tenderly as if he already knew what I had told the child, yet I still felt the need to admit to it. "I had told him you... had passed away."

Although I had said it as kindly as I could manage, I found I regretted it as soon as I uttered the words. The hurt was clearly written on the man's face, and I knew I was the one to blame for putting it there. He was already worse for wear which meant I had aged him even further, and an uncomfortable silence had fallen between us in the old restaurant where we had once shared so many laughs together.

Goddess... it seemed so long ago that we were lovers. If only there was a way that the happiness that had begun here could've lasted. What I would've have given for at least one more day feeling the bliss I had back then...

"I don't blame you for putting it that way," he assured me with a small smile. "I _did_ disappear without a word..." There was a ring of regret in his voice as he admitted to his own fault, and I found myself feeling a bit sorry for him. Here he was, with a body that had all but given up at him and a wife who had moved on to another man, thinking back on what could've and perhaps should've been while he sat in a place that no longer felt like his own. The way his tired eyes scanned over the small room saddened me all the more. "Goddess, how everything's _changed..." _he marveled, shaking his head in despair.

"What _happened?"_ I pleaded, despite my best efforts not to. I wanted him to tell me why he hadn't returned. While he had offered that the reason was connected to his missing limb, I couldn't make any sense of it. Did he honestly believe I was so shallow that I wouldn't be able to see beyond his physical disability, or was it that it he didn't want me to feel responsible for his needs? He used to be so open about things with me, and so I was at a loss for what could've possibly been keeping him away for all these years.

"Let's not talk about it," he replied with a wave of his hand. "So I see you've been keeping her in good shape," he praised me while he gestured to the Snack Shack's white walls. Neither one of us had ever managed to understand Gotz's dislike for it, and it had apparently baffled many of the other locals as well... Regardless, I wasn't there to discuss tastes in paint colors.

"Don't try and change the subject," I muttered crossly. "Just tell me why..." I tried to appear as though I was firm in my conviction. However, given his sorrowful, downcast expression, I wished I had let the matter drop for the time being. Even so, it was far too late for me to take it back, and I had to accept that I had gone and asked for the impossible for that moment. I knew he wouldn't tell me until he felt he was ready to give that part of himself to me. I decided I could wait.

After all, I'd been waiting for that answer from not one, but _two_ men for sixteen years, hadn't I?

"Not now, Claire," he sighed, resting a hand on the stump. He caught the hint of disappointment in my eyes, and so he offered me one of his signature smiles. It was the kind of grin that melted a girl's heart right before she shared a kiss with the man who wore it. Although I told myself that my heart had moved on, and that I _clearly_ wasn't a young girl any longer, I still felt my cheeks warm all the same. He chuckling knowingly which only pushed him further. I heard a gasp escape me as his face came closer to my own, yet he quickly drew away with another slight chuckle. It was then I had to ask myself if he'd just been teasing me.

Testing the waters to see if I felt the same way I had when he left me in this place so long ago.

"Charming as always, aren't you?" I grumbled, my face hot and my shoulders rather stiff. I'd admit that he had certainly caught me off guard, but he chuckled nervously like he hadn't expected to be so forward with me, either, considering all that had happened between us... or perhaps it was what hadn't.

"Sorry about that..." he apologized, rubbing the back of his neck shamefully while he did so.

"Kai... you shouldn't play games like that with an old woman's heart," I warned in a mocking tone. Suddenly, I felt his chocolate brown orbs settle on me once again, and something deep within me told me it wasn't a trick of the light when I saw the love for me that still lingered there. It was the same gaze I had seen hidden within Lance's warm eyes while his father was away, in distant lands so far from home.

"You're _anything_ but old, Claire," the traveler assured me as he took my hand in his. Although I could see the hope that continued to flicker in him, I knew I couldn't return those feelings, not anymore. Too much time had passed, and I'd moved on. While he had been gone to who knows where, I had given myself to another, and no matter how much I had felt for him in the past... it had faded away during the years I'd spent living without him. Maybe if he had stayed, we might've had a future. Even so, that possibility was gone now...

And I doubted it was ever there to begin with.

I lifted myself off the stool, more than ready to leave by that time, and placed the key on the counter in front of him which caused him to raise an eyebrow. "She's yours, isn't she?" I asked sincerely. When he continued to stare at me in bewilderment, I added with a forced smile, "You really should get Lance to help you out if you want to open her back up year round. I know that... he'd really appreciate if you tried some of his cooking, too. He's got your talent when it comes to the kitchen." He merely nodded in reply, turning away from me while he held the key up in the air slightly above his head to study it.

As I went to step out the screen door into the autumn air, I glanced back at the broken man, and a single tear had begun to fall down his cheek. I had to force my gaze away from him before I began to cry as well. After all, I didn't want to see the heartache in him any longer.

The heartache of a man who held a key, only to find it could never unlock the heart of the woman he had once loved so dearly.


	21. Chapter 21

**Author's Note:** I honestly don't know what to say right now (almost never happens), so... please enjoy! XD

--

**Chapter 21: Bonds**

Dreams have a way of communicating our suppressed desires, but they also have the power to reveal our darkest fears in a nightmarish form. I had to wonder what category the images that kept me up at night fell into. In my visions, Kai's warm, chocolate brown orbs were filled with a tender love for me as they gazed down from the sky above, yet when I came back to earth, I found Rick was the one at my side. Of course I recognized the issues that were playing out in my mind although I had felt I'd put my conscience at ease concerning the troubling matter. My decision had been clear enough, so I assumed that meant the whole ordeal was already done and over with.

However, as I lay there in the darkness, squinting up at the ceiling in frustration, I couldn't find a solution to my troubling, reoccurring dreams. I rested the back of my hand against my forehead and sighed in defeat. I had chosen Rick in the end, and I felt whatever Kai and I had had between us was no longer a part of who I was. I knew that it hadn't been an easy choice to make, but it was one of the few things I had been absolutely sure of. I tried to close my eyes again to shut out the waking world, yet it proved to be a losing struggle on my part since not a moment passed until more of the same images came to haunt me.

Glancing over at the red glow of the clock behind Rick's sleeping form, I found it was only four thirty in the morning. With the way things were going, I figured I might as well just get myself out of bed and start the day. If I got everything taken care of earlier than what was usually expected, I might be able to catch Lance before he slipped out to spend time with his real father.

I frowned when I thought about how my own son had been avoiding me over the past week. He would sneak out of the house while Rick and I were busy with our chores, and then he'd come back home long after we had gone to bed. It may have been childish behavior for him at sixteen, but I decided I wouldn't let it get to me. He had to come to terms with what had happened in his own time, and there wasn't much I could do to speed the process along. He would either accept it, or he'd reject me altogether though I wasn't sure how I'd cope with _that_ should it come to pass. Even so, I told myself to be patient with him.

Although I did my best not to disturb the man beside me, I had to crawl over him to get ready for the awaiting farm work. Rather suddenly, I felt Rick's large hand take a gentle hold of my slender wrist, and I paused in my attempt to get across the bed. He mumbled something incoherent as he sat upright, but once he was more awake, he managed to ask me quietly, "Is something wrong, Claire?"

I smiled to reassure him before I realized he wouldn't be able to see my gesture given the predawn hours and the fact he was without his glasses. "I'm just having trouble sleeping is all..." I explained in a whisper. "You can go back to bed if you want, though."

"No, I'm alright," he replied, drawing me close to him. _"You're_ the one I'm worried about right now." My cheeks warmed in response to his concern, and I snuggled into his chest affectionately. He merely chuckled and ran his fingers through my hair while I let my body rest comfortably against him. As if just being near him soothed away all of my troubled thoughts, I felt myself drifting off into a peaceful slumber once more, and the twisted dream I had been having throughout the night miraculously dissolved into nothingness.

--

The morning which followed was anything but restful as I busied myself in the fields, yet I couldn't say I minded the physical labor since it kept my mind off of the mere idea of relationships. Although I suppose I was being immature, I preferred not to consider my problems. Perhaps I'd spent too much time dwelling them as it was, or maybe I simply didn't know how to handle the emotional tide that had flooded my entire being. It washed over me again and again whenever I glanced towards the man in the pasture not too far off.

Rick was dependable even if it was an understatement of the most cliched nature. He was still every bit of the responsible young man I'd met just over two decades ago, yet I felt he'd grown much stronger in both body and mind since then. He no longer flew off the handle when someone mentioned his father, and his well intended leave, or even the traveler, his self-proclaimed rival. Kai may have come into the midst of the relative happiness we'd built around ourselves in the past sixteen years, but he didn't seem to let the unexpected turn of events get under his skin while he continued on living his life as usual. It was an admirable trait that he'd come to adjust to the changes as they came. He was adaptable if nothing else.

Maybe that's what I loved the most about the poultry farmer now that I think of it...

"Claire?" I blinked, bringing the very man I'd been thinking of into focus, to realize he was suddenly standing in front of me. "Are you tired?" he pressed, concern ringing in his voice. "I know you didn't sleep really well last night... so I can finish up here if you want to lay down for a bit."

Although I knew his heart was in the right place, I shook my head. "I'll be alright, Rick," I assured him with a weak smile. "I think I'm just going into town, though, if that's okay with you." I could see the hurt in his eyes when I suggested it, and I realized that he could see right through me to the truth. However, he was kind enough not to comment on it. He really was good to me in moments such as these, like he understood _exactly_ how I felt at the time.

"It's alright with me," he replied almost _too_ eagerly, sharing a small smile of his own. Then seeing that I wasn't convinced by his performance, he added in a softer tone, "I don't blame you for wanting to go see him, you know..." Gazing up at him, I wasn't so sure that was truly the case since he seemed rather weary himself. As if he had read my mind once more, I was being held securely in his arms. Rick took a deep breath and sighed, but I didn't lift my head or say a word. I only waited for him to feel at ease. "I just don't want to see you get hurt again, Claire. I..."

Even while what he was about to say had trailed off, I understood him well enough to know how to finish the statement. I had to imagine it was hard for him to just let me go off and see the man who I had once loved so dearly that I'd been willing to be his wife. Yes... More than anything, he was afraid of losing me, and it didn't really matter to _whom._ It certainly didn't help any for his rival in love to have been his life-sworn enemy, either.

"Don't worry, Rick," I mumbled into his chest, "I just can't help but think about Kai right now... Lance isn't only _my_ son, after all..." There was one more thought that rang out to him, but I kept it to myself. He really didn't have to concern himself with my feelings towards the traveler, and I knew this all too well. I wouldn't let Kai get the better of me because without love...

...there was simply nothing left for him to hurt.

_--_

My steps were surprisingly hesitant as I made my way through the town. I continued to tell myself that I wasn't on edge about going to see him again, yet I found I couldn't stop shaking. Although it was a common occurrence for me in the past, I wasn't too happy to have the nervous habit resurface, and I tried to stop my hands from trembling by shoving them deep into the pockets of my jacket. However, my efforts did little to improve my condition any, and the tremors actually became _worse_. I could only hope that no one stumbled across me in my frazzled state...

"Claire, I see you're doing well, all things considered." I glanced up sharply to see whoever had caught me passing by, but my body instantly relaxed once I'd realized who the voice belonged to. Even though I was a bit perturbed to have been found during one of my frailer moments, I was relieved to see who had called out to me.

"Karen, it's good to see you," I greeted her with a slight laugh, running my thin fingers through my hair. "How've you been lately? We don't see much of you these days..." I didn't mention exactly _how_ long it'd been since we'd really spoken, outside of my visits to the supermarket every Saturday, but it had certainly been long before Kai had returned. If I hadn't known better, I might've felt as though she had been avoiding me like many of the other villagers in town.

"Well, I've been busy because of Dad retiring a while back, you know," she explained with a half-hearted sigh.

"Is something wrong at the shop?" I asked softly. Gazing up at me, I noted that her emerald eyes still had their spark, yet I could tell there was something slightly amiss in her usual character. Though she'd never been an excitable sort, she was well known for her spunk and her gift for talking to people. Thus, it was rather peculiar to have found her so subdued, and I couldn't help wondering if there was something I could do to take her mind off of whatever may be troubling her.

She merely shrugged in reply before letting her eyes glaze over in thought. I gave the woman a brief look over while she preoccupied herself, not wanting to step away just yet. Her dark blonde hair hadn't grayed any, and overall, she seemed to be more or less the same as she was in our younger days. Only the few wrinkles she _did_ have hinted at her true age, and even those that were there went practically unnoticed. She had lost a bit of weight which left her clothes hanging loosely on her body. Although I was concerned on that point, I reassured myself that she had always been quite thin to begin with. However, that just made me question my own physical state instead...

"Not unless you count being bored out of my mind with everyone dealing with their own problems," Karen muttered, crossing her arms over her chest. "No one has the time to sit back and enjoy themselves anymore..."

"Tired of drinking alone, are you?" I teased with a heart-felt laugh. It would figure...

"Yeah," she agreed with a chuckle of her own. "Duke's not much of a boozer any more without much competition. Besides, I put an end to the tab system Dad had set up a long time ago." Flashing me a proud smile, she continued, "We're actually making a good profit now!" I had to roll my eyes when I considered her family business's former means of getting customers. There were countless times I had walked into the small grocery to happen upon Karen giving her father a piece of her mind concerning their financial affairs, and I wouldn't say that they were the warmest moments I'd ever witnessed in the small town, either.

"Good to hear!" I congratulated her, giving her a friendly clap on the back. "Since you're so tired of going to the bar alone, how about Rick and I join you tonight, being that it's Tuesday and all?" It was as much as an invitation to her as it was a chance for me to take a night off for a bit of pleasure. I was also certain that Rick would do well to have her in his company since neither one of them had seen much of the other. I hadn't meant to, but I always felt like I'd shoved a wedge between them after I found myself becoming closer to her best friend in my time of need.

The guilt, whether real or imagined had always weighed heavily on me, too. I hated the thought of being the one to ruin such a wonderful bond between the two, and perhaps an evening of them being in their childhood friend's company might lighten the mood for the whole lot of us. One could only hope, I suppose...

"Are you sure?" Karen asked hesitantly. At first I raised an eyebrow while I waited for any further explanation. Luckily for me, she obliged, "Well, Kai _is_ staying at the inn, isn't he?"

"So?" I replied with a shrug. When she blinked in surprise, I realized that she didn't quite understand that I had moved on. I suppose I shouldn't have assumed anything less from my neighbors because I _was_ taking the whole situation rather well, given how I had acted in previous years. My ability to keep my composure must've been unexpected by the locals, and I couldn't blame them for their opinions of me. "There's nothing left between us," I clarified a bit smugly, completely assured in myself and how I felt.

"Just because _you've_ moved on, Claire, doesn't mean he has," she reminded me while shaking her head in dismay. "But if you're alright with seeing him there, then I guess it won't matter to me any." I nodded, glad she understood where I was coming from. "Your boy and him headed over to the beach, so I guess I'll let you go since you're probably looking for them."

"Thanks. I'll see you tonight then," I agreed, giving her a brief wave as I left. I felt it was somewhat strange how she had sent me off on my way so abruptly. Perhaps I was right to believe she knew something that I didn't seem to realize, but regardless of what I thought, I didn't have the means to support my inclinations. I let it roll off my shoulders as I considered the likelihood that I was merely on edge, and being that I was still shaking so terribly, that was most likely the case.

Therefore, I continued in the direction towards the Snack Shack without further delay. A gentle, autumn breeze drifted along the cobbled street and sent shiver went down my spine from the chill as I drew my jacket closer to me. It was eerily silent now with only the soft wind and the creaking of the barren branches overhead. I had once heard that this was the season in which death slowly made its return onto the earth. Although it was nothing more than an old tale, I could understand where the sentiments came from, for everything had certainly begun to take on a dull, almost gray hue. Even the animals I usually saw scurrying across the brick pathways seemed to go at a sluggish, sleepy pace.

I, myself, didn't feel near the vigor I used to when I was a young woman with a heart full of happiness and promise. After all, I thought I'd found an everlasting love at the time in the most _wonderfully_ charming man of my wildest dreams, yet I had to wonder if I felt the same giddiness in my middle age. Maybe I would always be the love-struck fool, though...

Just after that consideration sunk back into my sub-conscience, I was suddenly aware of the pair that was headed towards me. While one hobbled at an uneasy pace, the other took short, even strides alongside his crippled companion, and it didn't take more than a glance to recognize who was stepping out from the square. Even though I was happy to see it, I was rather surprised to find that my son was... _smiling_ in his true father's company. I hadn't seen Lance's cheeky grin in far too long, and I would've enjoyed to have basked in its warmth for some time longer if it hadn't been for the older man taking notice of me.

"Nice to see you again, Claire," he addressed me somewhat breathlessly. I deliberately looked away from him, wanting to avoid the tenderness that shone in his eyes like it had in my dreams earlier that morning. Instead, I focused on the young man at his side, and although I hadn't expected it, he actually gave me a small smile. Still, he wouldn't say a word to me yet, or so it seemed. However, I was more than content for him to show that at least some of his resentment for me had waned. "Were you looking for him?" his father asked, following my steady gaze.

"Well, yes, I was," I agreed with a faint laugh, "but if you two are-"

"That's alright," Kai interrupted me, flashing one of his brilliant smiles. While everything else of his had aged, that trait of his wasn't about to grow old any time soon. His teeth would forever remain perfectly white and even, and the way it brightened his entire face wouldn't fade away. It was the largest part of his charm which had won my heart before. However, no matter how much I enjoyed seeing it, it would never mean the same to me like it once had. "I was just walking the boy home before I headed back to the Shack for the evening."

"Aren't you staying at the inn?" I pressed as I furrowed my brow in concern. He was going to answer me when Lance beat him to it.

"Dad's running low on cash," he explained abruptly. Kai noticeably flinched at the announcement. Then he proceeded to rub the back of his neck in embarrassment while his cheeks warmed slightly. At first, I was a bit perturbed to think he could be so careless until I happened to glance down to the stump that had formerly been his right leg.

Of course he was low on money... With a disability like that, it was doubtful he'd be find a decent paying job. He couldn't even work behind a desk, given that he hadn't bothered to graduate high school as a kid, and a college degree had been completely out of the question as a result. Although his lack of an education hadn't been much of a problem during his former, more comfortable life as a free-spirited traveler, he was certainly upset with himself at the moment.

Still, that wasn't an excuse for not telling me about his financial troubles beforehand.

Under my accusing glare, the older man glanced away and swallowed the lump that formed in his throat. "I just didn't think it'd right to tell you..." he pardoned himself tactfully. I raised an eyebrow which was my signal for him to continue. He did so without much hesitation, I might add. "I used up almost everything I had to get back here, you know."

"You should've told me that was the case," I retorted with a huff. I heaved a weary sigh and began to lecture him, "Kai, I can easily put up for your rent if you need me to... It's better than having you sleep in that flimsy Snack Shack of yours, and winter'll be setting in sooner than you might think." I paused for a moment before asking, "That is if you're planning on staying?" After all, who was to say he'd be living in our small town much longer? He was like a breath on the wind at times...

He nodded that that was indeed the case, and I couldn't help but feel the relief spread across my shoulders to know he would be around for some time yet. It was a reassuring thought, for Lance's sake if nothing else. Although I hadn't seen for myself how they managed to get along, I could only assume it had been going smoothly. After all, I could already begin to see my son returning to me in little more than a week since our argument. He had even gone so far as to call Kai 'Dad,' and while I had to wonder what the boy considered Rick's relationship to him to be, it would a promising development all the same. Besides, I wouldn't have felt comfortable with the idea of him referring to his father by his first name.

_"But,"_ I informed my estranged husband rather harshly, "I'll only be paying for your stay at the inn until I can get Gotz to make the Snack Shack more livable for you." His mouth fell slightly agape, and I chuckled to myself to see the astonishment in his questioning gaze. "Deal?" I offered as if he really had a choice in the matter.

"Claire, I don't want you to have to pay for _anything_ of mine," the traveler protested though I clearly see her was grateful to me all the same. "Give me some time, and I'll be able to handle it myself... I don't need your-"

"Kai, I'm not doing this as charity work," I assured him with an aggravated sigh. "If you were more... capable of taking care of it, then I'd leave you to it, but... Well, to be frank, I'm not going to have 'my baby's daddy' left to fend for himself." _T__hat_ comment actually managed to get a laugh out of my rather sullen son which I took as a personal victory in itself. Tthe man glared at me for mentioning his physical deformity, but I believed I had given him a more than fair bargain because all he had to lose was a bit of his pride. However, I also felt it was much better than the alternative of spending his miserable days in a breezy shanty during the bitterly cold and unmerciful Mineral Town winter.

Little did I realize how torturous the season would prove for myself since I hadn't even considered how the night following my well intentions would turn. If I had only known how deep Kai's feelings for me still ran, perhaps I would've understood how I had come to lead him on so cruelly, and maybe there was a chance I would've ended whatever had begun once again...

--

**Author's Note:** Okay, sorry for the cliffhanger, but this chapter felt like it was _dragging_ on. Therefore, I had to find a way to cut it off somewhere.

I've actually found that reading the chapters I just finished aloud helps me write better. They just seem to have improved by using this technique, but maybe that's just my opinion. :)


	22. Chapter 22

**Author's Note:** This chapter proved to be a challenge, but I feel that it's solid enough. I know I certainly had a good time writing it, so please enjoy!

--

**Chapter 22: Boundaries**

"Can I ask _why_ are we going drinking again?" Rick asked me as we made our way towards the inn. When I didn't reply, he could only sigh in defeat, and I laughed quietly to myself to know I had gotten the better of him once again. Although he appeared to be on edge, I felt that I couldn't have been more at ease. Night had fallen upon us, and with the harvest moon rising up overhead, it wasn't anything less than a wonderfully magical evening. I suppose it was fitting as it was the Moon Festival, yet I was left completely mystified by its timeless splendor. My companion merely chuckled at my unbridled enthusiasm. "Isn't this your favorite holiday?"

"Yes, it is!" I agreed, spinning around in the middle of the cobbled street. "Actually... fall's always been my favorite season as well," I confessed breathlessly although I was sure he already knew it. It had been a bit of an ironic preference on my part since autumn was the time Kai left during our four year courtship as well as that dreadful day. However, there was nothing that could deter me from loving the season... I had to admit it was a shame I wouldn't be able to celebrate the festival in the traditional manner, but _I _had been the one who wanted to join Karen at the bar.

"We could always head over to Mother's Hill instead if you'd like," he offered with a shrug. Despite how sincere he may have seemed, I knew exactly what he was really after. He simply wanted to avoid the off-chance that he may have to come face to face with the traveler, not that I could blame him for being so unwilling. I was beginning to accept that the two men may never be at peace with one another though it continued to trouble me, yet I had to remind myself their feud with one another had come about long before I was a part of their lives. Even so, it was little comfort to me.

"Rick, no one said you had to talk to him. We're going to hang out with Karen tonight," I reminded him, "so just enjoy yourself... Okay?" He didn't appear to be overly convinced, but he nodded in agreement all the same. "Now... If we _do_ see Kai there, I don't want any trouble out of you," I admonished him gently as if the poultry farmer was nothing more than a child.

"Then what if he _starts_ it," he argued back in a playful manner just before we opened the door to the inn. I shot him a nasty glare which should've been enough to dissuade him from any reckless behavior, but I decided I should make it _absolutely_ clear to him what might happen should he lose his temper during our night out.

"I don't care _which_ one of you starts it because _I'll_ be the one to finish it," I warned, pinning Rick under my steady gaze. With that, we made our way inside, and I actually sighed in relief to know that the other man was no where in sight. However, I couldn't help wondering if he had decided to stay in the Snack Shack regardless of what I'd said earlier that afternoon. I had to take a moment to remind myself that I hadn't come to see Kai, but I was still worried about him. I had noticed he was becoming thinner by the day, so I _knew_ he wasn't eating well which I felt could've been a result of depression. Given his physical condition, I could easily understand why he would be emotionally distraught.

Even so, I was concerned for what he might do to himself in such a disillusioned state...

"Claire," a woman's voice snapped me out of my thoughts, "are you just gonna space out there for the night or what?" Glancing up towards the bar, I could see Karen and Rick both staring at me expectantly. Although she seemed to be rather bored, he was clearly keeping a careful eye on me, but I smiled reassuringly at the man. I was actually rather glad to be out of the house and away from our property. It gave me a chance to feel at ease while the rest of the world kept plowing straight ahead. I needed that time to myself, albeit I was willing to share it in good company.

"Nice to see you're feeling better," she continued, offering her seat beside Rick. I shook my head to decline it, and I chose to pull up a stool on the other side of him instead. It was just like when we were younger during the times we were still carefree and more than happy to bask in our youthful innocence. I remembered those evenings fondly although some of the memories were a bit foggy. I'd never been much of a drinker, I suppose. Being that I was usually in the midst of loyal patrons to the local brew, it was understandable that I'd be a bit behind their level of expertise.

As if right on cue, Kimberly all but skipped out from the back kitchen. I had to chuckle after I saw the shocked expression on her face once she realized she had more than the regulars to serve for the night. Her eyes lightened right up when she happened to see me in particular, and I smiled warmly at her in return. "Hi, guys!" she greeted us eagerly, returning my gesture with a wide grin. "We don't see too much of you these days, you know?"

"I know, I know," I replied, waving her off. "We've become quite the shut-ins lately, haven't we?" After all, it _was_ true since neither Rick or I were much for socializing these days. I hadn't thought about it until we actually made the effort to go out around town, but there was no doubt we'd been shutting ourselves off from the world. Perhaps it was the only way we felt we could protect ourselves from the reality that seemed to be collapsing around us... The whole ordeal with Kai returning and Lance's rebellious, adolescent nature had left us rather weary of people and the problems which concerned them, and I had to admit my body couldn't bear the strain much longer...

"That's true, I guess... Still, you're here now, so how about I get your orders?" the young woman asked, flipping through the pages of her small notebook. Honestly, I could never get past how much Kimberly reminded me of her mother, but I figured that was just a part of me getting older. You start to see the kids around town as their parents over time. However, I had _always_ seen my son's father in him, so maybe it didn't matter what age I happened to be...

"You guys buyin' tonight or what?" Karen pipped up while running her finger along the rim of her wine glass. I could tell by her glazed green eyes that she'd decided to start long before we'd even gotten there. Not for the first time, I found myself wondering why she chose to drink so heavily. I could only figure that she was lonely although how a beautiful woman like herself managed to stay single for so long I was unsure. She certainly carried herself well, but I suppose there weren't many dating options in the small town. She also didn't seem to be looking these days. I suppose I'd taken the only man who'd been available to her that she actually desired as well.

Rick turned to her while raising an eyebrow and adjusting his glasses before he replied, "Not that I mind any, but why would we be buying for _you?_"

"I figured it wouldn't be too much to ask if you guys covered my drinks for the night," she began with a rather smug smile, and I felt my chest constrict uncomfortably for some unknown reason. However, she made it clear enough as she continued. "Other than you being my friends an' all, I hear _she's,"_ Karen jabbed her thumb my way, "putting up for Kai's rent _and_ the new living quarters for the Snack Shack."

Although I knew she wasn't trying to be cruel towards anyone, including me, the woman had definitely put me on the spot. I was essentially crippled under Rick's unwavering gaze, and I could tell he was grinding his teeth in frustration which meant I could only wait for him to reprimand me for my compassionate decision to help the poor man out. He didn't even get a word in, though, before Ann came bursting out from the kitchen, slamming the door open in the process.

"Don't you _dare_ go about paying that good for nothing's rent!" she ordered while placing her hands on what little hips she _did_ have. "He doesn't deserve anything from you, Claire," the fiery redhead insisted, shaking her head in dismay which sent her whiplike braid flying dangerously side to side. Although her hair was streaked with gray, she continued to grow it out. She had told me that it was the only femininity she had left in her since her mother's death, but I didn't believe that for an instant. I used to be quite close to Cliff once upon a time, so I certainly knew different.

"Why would you say that?" I asked, finding my voice again. Surely Kai hadn't done anything to merit the innkeeper's daughter being so hostile towards him, and even if he _had_ been any trouble, I was almost positive it hadn't been his intent. Most likely she was just upset because he wasn't able to put up for his stay in their family's establishment.

"Because he's been _drinking_ away his money," Ann explained, obviously disgusted by his behavior. I had to admit that I was completely blown away by this revelation. I overheard Rick mutter something unpleasant, but I found myself pushing away my stool almost mechanically. "He's upstairs if you're looking for him, but I sent Kim up there earlier with a couple bottles..."

I didn't even hear the last bit of advice, though. I was already heading up the stairs, and I wasn't in a forgiving mood. As I slammed open his bedroom door to confront him, I found he was slumped over the table in the far corner with a half-empty bottle in his hand. The other lay abandoned on the floor by his foot, and a small puddle of a plum colored liquid had formed beneath it. He didn't even lift his head when I stormed inside, so I brought my fist down hard on the table to get his attention instead.

He shot upright, and his glassy, brown eyes were wide with shock and bloodshot until they managed to focus on me. Then the tenderness returned to his chocolate orbs, and he mumbled something although I only caught my name. Given his smile, I could assume it was something of a flattering nature, yet I wasn't in the mindset for listening to his sweet words.

"Kai, what the hell is this?" I demanded, taking the wine right out of his hand. I hadn't realized it at first, but it seemed he'd been drinking it straight from the bottle which couldn't have been a promising sign. "This is unacceptable..." I muttered bitterly. When he didn't respond, I actually became a little worried. "Can you even hear me?" He still didn't seem to register the conversation he was in because he just leaned back in his chair and shut his eyes wearily in reply. At first, I thought he was going to be sick with the way his head rolled to the side, so I went to steady him.

However, he had rather quick reflexes for his high level of intoxication, and my wrist ended up in his gentle grip. Even as I tried to pull away, he held fast onto me.

"Are you afraid of me, Claire?" he all but whimpered. His breaths were slow and a bit shaky, but I felt he pulling me a little closer to him. I tried to protest although it came out as nothing more than a squeak. Kai chuckled a little, apparently amused by the fact I was so uncomfortable. "Why are you scared?" he pressed, bringing his face nearer to my own, and I involuntarily winced.

"Claire?" a voice, most likely Rick's by the slightly deeper tone, called out to me from the bottom of the stairs. "Is everything okay?" I swallowed nervously, and while I wanted to cry for help, something held me back. I couldn't raise my voice in a desperate plea no more than I could rip myself away from my captor.

"Y-yes, I'm fine!" I answered although for the _life_ of me, I couldn't explain why I did. Right then, I was anything _but_ 'fine.' My heart racing at an alarming pace as I lost myself in Kai's loving gaze. The way he looked up at me with such affection and devotion told me that the man wasn't going to harm me in any way. The loneliness that shone in his eyes was as pure as the tenderness which glimmered there before, and I felt I couldn't just leave him in the company of only his wine.

Therefore, I wasn't about to have Rick come bursting into the room in a defensive rage, for my own sake as well as my estranged husband's. I was curious concerning what this man wanted from me though I was understandably apprehensive towards the matter. I could only pray that I would have a chance to explain myself and my feelings once and for all to him, and then maybe his heart could find peace in knowing that he no longer had to fight for me. It was painful to watch a battered man continue struggling in a war he could never hope to win. However, that could've simply been a means to ease my own guilt...

"See?" Kai continued with a knowing smile. He tugged on my arm gently, and I complied to his wishes by pulling up a chair next to him. The traveler went even further as to offer me a drink as well. I tried to graciously accept, but I took little more than a sip for myself. He didn't seem to notice, though. "You still love me, don't you?" His intensity was almost too much for me to bear while he studied me without so much as a mere glance away from my face.

"I... There's nothing between us anymore, Kai," I explained to the best of my ability. He didn't flinch although he was clearly hurt by my comment. Still, I chose to press on in an attempt to convince him of this once and for all. For his own sake, he had to move past what had been. "You were gone too long, and I-"

"There's no reason to lie to me," he mumbled, resting his hand on my leg. "I _know_ you haven't moved on just yet." The way that he said it made me realize that subconsciously he honestly believed it, and the alcohol in his system had done nothing else than drag it up to the surface. "_We_ still have a chance," he continued earnestly, coming closer to me. I don't think I could manage to draw a single breath since my chest was wound so tight. If he wouldn't listen to gentle reasoning, I had to question what could possibly get through to him. I couldn't stand the thought of leading him on any longer. It had already destroyed his body without having to affect his mind...

"No," I argued, feeling my cheeks warm, "we don't. Kai, I... I can't just go back to you after all that's happened. It's been sixteen years since we last saw each other."

"Does it matter?" he insisted, resting his head on my shoulder. My mind began to race as I reminded myself how Rick often did the same affectionate gesture, but there was a big difference between the two men and the nature behind it. While the other was simply content to remain in that comforting position, Kai seemed to desire something more... _intimate_.

"What are you-" Suddenly, I realized that he was leaving a burning trail of light, undeniably pleasant kisses up my neck. I felt my cheeks warm when I began to understand what he truly wanted from me, but it was far too late to prevent him from acting on his desires. I tried to squirm away from him, but he slipped an arm around my waist, keeping me close and leaving me unable to escape. "S-stop," I pleaded desperately before he got any further.

He drew back from me then, but I could see he wasn't deterred any. "If you keep pushing pushing me away like this, then I'll just keep coming back," he told me in a rough whisper as he brought his face close to mine. I could smell the acidic scent of wine wafting on his uneven breath, and I soon tasted it as well after his lips met mine. Although it was a dizzying sensation, something within me broke the spell that bound me to him. I had had enough of Kai's repulsive behavior. His tender feelings meant nothing to me because I had already given my heart to another. I wouldn't allow it to be stolen away by someone who had become the very rogue he had always argued he never had been nor would ever be.

Standing abruptly, I left the crippled man unbalanced on his chair, and he soon landed on the floor of the bedroom with a heavy thud. Kai cursed under his breath, but I felt justified for my defensive action. He lifted his head as he gazed up pitifully at me, yet it drooped once again before he could utter a single word. I could only watch while he began the rather difficult task of picking himself up without anything to hold himself upright with. However, I refused to lend a hand being that I knew it would be bitten in return.

"Claire," Kai mumbled weakly after he had propped himself against the table, "I... I didn't mean to..." He took a heavy sigh before he slumped forward and rested an elbow on his knee. He cradled his head in his hand, deep in thought. I could see the wrinkles form across his forehead while he furrowed his brow, and I knew he was searching for the words he felt he needed to string together. At last, his eyes drifted towards me in the doorway, yet he tore them away almost immediately after he had found me there. "I'm sorry," he offered.

I didn't say a word in reply as I turned my back to him and made my downstairs. Karen and Rick had been in pleasant conversation when I took my seat beside the poultry farmer, and they both paused to sneak a glance in my direction. I felt a gentle hand brush my cheek, relieving me of the tears I hadn't realized I'd been shedding. It seemed it had proved to be more than what I had thought it should've been... yet, in hindsight, I should've known all along.

Although I knew he deserved nothing from me but spite, I found myself believing in Kai's simple apology. I was absolutely certain that what he had said in the end was true, for I'd been in the dark place he'd stumbled into once before, not so long ago. He understood that I was beyond his reach now, but the feelings for me would remain more or less the same in his fragile heart. It's not easy to forget a lost love, especially when the one you felt everything for happens to be in your midst. Our son would also prove to be a permanent reminder of what had been between us, and so Lance would be a living monument to that which Kai and I shared in a distant time.

For his sake alone, I would continue pray that the broken man could find his peace in the end.

--

**Author's Note:** Meh, I don't know if I really like that closing statement, but I suppose it sums up Claire's resolve concerning Kai quite well. Sorry if the last chapters focus too much on just their relationship, though.

Oh, before I forget, does anyone feel that this chapter reads poorly? Just wondering...


	23. Chapter 23

**Author's Note:** I'm warning you now that there's going to be a _huge _cliffhanger at the end of this chapter, but it leads into something _very_ important. Please enjoy!

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**Chapter 23: Pity**

I hadn't planned on doing so, but I found myself avoiding Kai until winter settled into the sleepy, little town. However, I'd kept my promise to him. I'd put up for his rent and the renovations to the Snack Shack although my generosity had caused the rumor mill to begin to turn again. Their opinions weren't my concern, though. I had only done what I expected of myself, and if someone wanted to make anything more out of my kind gesture, then that was their business. I told myself I wouldn't be bothered with it any further which was precisely how I planned to deal with the situation.

Even though I was comfortable in my resolve to leave my estranged husband and his personal matters alone for a time, my son seemed to feel differently. He said very little at first since he was still upset, but day by day, it grew harder and harder for him to keep quiet. I suppose it was his social nature that finally got the better of him. I was grateful for that trait in his personality, and I made a little prayer that it would always be an important part of who he was.

"Mom, did you and Dad have an argument?" Lance asked one morning as we busied ourselves in the kitchen. I glanced over to see him whisking the eggs slowly while a thoughtful expression graced his handsome features, and he went so far as to bite his lip until it bled in his intense concentration. He seemed to be very concerned about the man which was understandable. After all, he'd only just met his true father, and it was probably an unthinkable thing for him to consider that he might lose him again. Kai was the very thing my boy had been looking for in his life. I couldn't deny that I was unbelievably happy for him as well.

"Not really," I replied in what I thought to be an honest manner. We hadn't mixed words or exchanged any ill will for one another, so I didn't consider my statement to be a lie. That didn't convince Lance, though. "Why do you ask?" I pressed to satisfy my own curiosity concerning his father's well-being after our recent, unusually compassionate episode.

"Because he's been down lately," he explained, pouring the yellow liquid into the hot frying pan. The sizzling sounds of the skillet drowned out my thoughts, but it gave me a chance to focus on another matter. I had been pouring over a recipe for days, trying to figure out what I was doing wrong. It should've been simple enough, given that it was just an apple souffle. However, every attempt I'd made to successfully pull it off was met with absolute failure, and I was at my wits' end. Regardless, I wasn't about to back down from the culinary challenge.

"Were you even listening, Mom?" I blinked in surprise after I was brought out of my moment of contemplation, and Lance continued to stare intently at me.

"Sorry about that," I apologized with a laugh, "I guess I was still trying to figure this damn thing out." I waved the index card about in frustration, and I caught the cheeky grin on the young man's face. "Tell you what... Since I need to figure this mess out anyway, I'll go check up on him for you."

"Are you sure?" he asked quietly, no doubt concerned about my own feelings towards his father. Of course he would remember how many times I'd cried over the man in the past, and he was most likely wondering if I was as fragile as I'd been in his younger years. Luckily, I knew that those moments of weakness were no longer a factor in my present life which comforted me more than anything else ever could.

"It's no problem," I reassured him with a confident smile. "He's the only one I know who can make an apple souffle since Grandma Lillia passed away. It's one of your aunt's favorites, you know..."

"Oh, that's right," he agreed while taking a bite of his omelette. It amused me to no end that the boy enjoyed his eggs as much as Rick although I'd never say a word of it to either of them. The two didn't share many traits between them, so I was afraid to mention it in case being aware of it made them change their ways. It was troubling enough that the two had begun to drift apart, now that Lance's true father had taken on more importance in my son's life. "I forgot she and Carter were coming over," he confessed shortly after finishing his breakfast.

"Don't worry, Rick probably didn't remember, either," I remarked as I pulled on my winter things. "Before I go, should I stop by Gray and Mary's on my way home? Opal might want to join us..." I almost laughed to see his eyes light up to hear his sweetheart's name, but I also wondered how much he'd seen of the raven-haired, young woman lately. I had assumed he was spending a large amount of his time visiting with Kai. Although that was to be expected, I still worried that he'd abandoned a lot of his life from prior to the man's return.

"I can ask her," Lance replied, his cheeks becoming a light shade of scarlet. I merely smiled back at him because I felt my son was returning to me at last. "But... thanks Mom."

"For what?" I asked while I glanced over towards him again, pausing in the open doorway. He rubbed the back of his neck bashfully, and he simply continued to stare at the floor. I almost chuckled to see these new developments in my son's nature, for they reminded me of both men that had shaped who he'd become. He was certainly turning into a composite image of the two...

"Going to check up on him," the young man explained quietly before turning away to start the dishes. My eyes drifted up to the yellow bandanna that he almost always wore, and I felt the tears beginning to well in my eyes. It wasn't as though I was saddened by the signature headgear that he and his father donned. Rather, it actually warmed my heart to recognize it as a part of him since the pairs' physical similarities were their strongest connection between them, but I knew that was nothing more than a starting point.

Each and every day, Lance would go see his father, and as I made my way past the neighboring ranches, I thought on that increasingly common occurrence. My son had never been very close to Rick, who for all intents and purposes was his step-father. Although the kind man considered the boy to be his own, there seemed to be a glass wall between them. The youth had shut himself off from the poultry farmer lately, and it pained me to try and accept that. However, I could understand his unwillingness to accept Rick as a father figure any longer.

After all, Kai's return made my companion's bond with the young man no longer necessary.

My thoughts concerning the relationships within my home were put aside for another time when I stepped onto the beach turned winter wonderland. It certainly wasn't what I would've expected, but it was an undoubtably breathtaking sight to see. The sand had been replaced by a thick, almost impenetrable blanket of heavy snow, and the Snack Shack was swallowed by the white of the landscape. My gaze drifted over to the dock which had been decorated in delicate icicles and a dusting of crystal. Because of the continuous ebb and flow of the gently lapping waves, the ocean remained a dark blue satin sheet, untouched by the frigid season, that stretched out beyond the horizon...

"Beautiful, isn't it?" a smooth voice asked me. Glancing sidelong, I found Kai leaning on his crutch with his eyes glazed over in thought instead of booze. When he caught me staring at him in bewilderment, he flashed me a sly smile. Then while sending me a wink, he remarked, "Of course, it's nothing compared to you..."

"Charming as always, I see," I replied with a light laugh followed by a sigh. "Too bad it's not that easy anymore," I added in almost a whisper.

"Yeah," he agreed, clearly unhappy to have been reminded of that. "I really am sorry for that night, though..." he offered as he scratched the back of his head underneath his purple bandanna. Then with a chuckle, he tried to explain himself, "I never was a good drunk, was I?"

Although I knew it could've been just an excuse, I had to laugh. It really was an honest observation of himself since I could remember the evenings prior to his leaving, and it was true that he couldn't hold his liquor very well. Karen often called him a lightweight, and he was never one to deny it, either. When he was tipsy, he'd break out into an old sailor's song, completely off-key, but after he'd plowed through a few more drinks, he'd suddenly burst into tears and uncontrollable sobbing. Gray would only roll his eyes at his roommate's sappy state, yet Rick chose to smile smugly at his incapacitated rival. I was simply left absolutely stunned to realize that a man with as much charisma as himself wasn't suited to social drinking. It was a rather _interesting_ paradox...

"That's an understatement," I admitted, still chuckling to myself at the memory. Kai rested his eyes on me steadily, but then he turned away in an uncertain manner. I could see how his cheeks warmed, and I could safely assume he continued to feel embarrassed about my last visit to his former room at the inn. However, I reassured him that I had no hard feelings towards him. "You don't have to worry about it, you know."

"But I shouldn't have pushed myself on you," he insisted with a heavy sigh. "I guess I'm just not the man I used to be..." His shoulders sagged under the weight of his statement, and his gaze appeared to grow dim while he thought back on it. He seemed to be so tired these days, but I wasn't sure if I was really the one to blame. After all, I felt he should've been freed. Even though my rejection had most likely hurt him, it was better than keeping him tied to me and his heartache forever.

"You may be right," I said at last, "but that doesn't mean you're anything less than that." Kai smiled softly at this before I continued. "Besides, you're every bit of the good man you once were..."

"Claire," he replied while turning away and heading back towards the Snack Shack, "you don't have to be so nice about it." I went to protest that that wasn't the case at all, but he kept me from doing so. "I can take responsibility for my actions," he argued further. I nodded although I wasn't even close to being convinced.

I could only watch as he made his way to his home, and I had to admit what I saw was a pitiful sight at best. If he had a hard time walking over the deep sand, the snow wasn't much of an improvement. He could barely take a step without sinking down into it or stumbling. It made my heart ache to see him in that state. However, when I went to help him, he shoved me aside bitterly. His brown eyes narrowed dangerously at me which caused me to swallow the lump that formed in my throat, but he calmed himself down soon enough with a deep, rattling breath. I was still shaken, though, since I'd never seen that flash of anger cross his eyes before.

Even though he was clearly struggling, he certainly wanted no help from me or anyone else.

Kai finally reached the door after some difficulty, and with the grace of a fine gentleman, he opened it for me and swept his hand in a welcoming gesture. I shook my head and chuckled in reply to his chivalry, but I had to admit that it was rather flattering to have him dote on me so earnestly. There was no denying that he still had a way with me, and while I loved Rick dearly, I was charmed by his tenderness. Even so, I resisted his flirtations effortlessly.

"So, what'd you need?" he asked, leaning on the counter for support. He was wearing a pleased grin while he waited for my reply, but I was too busy looking past him into the new addition to the Shack. Following my gaze, his smile only broadened, and he offered, "If you came see the place, how about a tour then?" I nodded eagerly before I was whisked off, though a bit clumsily given his disability, into the back room.

Now Gotz might not have approved of the man's taste in paint, but he certainly knew how to please his customer. Everything from the walls to the exposed wood of the furniture was white while the easy chair and bedding were a medium blue and sandy yellow. There was only one room since the kitchen was already out front, yet it was more than enough for someone who was living alone. The bed was close to the floor for his benefit, and the doorway we'd passed through was slightly wider to allow for easier access to the new space. Even the bookshelves were in easy reach. Although I felt it was a thoughtful consideration on the woodman's behalf, I could tell that Kai seemed on edge about it. He even told me as much.

"Good Goddess, Claire, you should've _heard_ how many times he asked me if I would be able to get around this place," he explained as he rolled his eyes. "I swear it was like he thought I wasn't able to do _anything_ for myself..."

"Well," I began, trying to be gentle since I was sure it was a sensitive subject, "he was just trying to do his best to make things more comfortable for you. I mean, you can't-"

Suddenly, there was a loud clatter as the traveller threw down his crutch onto the hardwood floor and, without his support, ended up slamming himself into the wall behind him. At first, I could only leave my mouth agape while my eyes grew wide in shock, and I also felt my heart pounding in my ears. I glanced up to see the darkness that had spread across his rigid face, and I knew I'd done something to upset him. He refused to look at me. I could tell he was trying to bring his temper back under control although he was clearly fighting a losing battle with himself.

_"Dammit..."_ Kai muttered under his breath. "Not _you_, too..." He didn't have to say anything else for me to understand what he was going through, but it was too late for apologies. Besides, that would've only made the matter worse because I'd be repeating the same thing over, and it'd push the poor man further over the edge. "Why does everyone think they have to _pity_ me?" he asked to no one in particular. I couldn't even give him an answer since I'd been just as guilty as the people he'd been referring to. "Even my own damn _son..." _he continued, his voice cracking under the strain of holding back his frustrated tears. "I can handle myself!"

"Kai, I'm..." I whispered before my words trailed off into the uncomfortable silence that followed his outburst. Closing my eyes tightly, I tried to shut out the rising guilt, but it was a futile attempt on my part. My heart tightened when I began to realize what I'd done to cause him so much pain. Like those I had despised in my younger years, I'd pitied him for what he was going through. While the villagers had looked down on me for being an estranged wife and a single mother, I had saw him as nothing more than a lovesick man that had come too late. Worse than even that, I had also seen him as a _cripple..._

Although it was true he had a harder time getting around than most, he was more than capable of taking care of himself like he'd said moments before. Who knew how long he'd lived with his disability without much or any trouble at all? He had only just come back into our midst, and we had already prejudged him and his abilities. Maybe it was because we'd seen nothing like it until his return, or perhaps we thought we were offering him the best we could. Either way, _we_ were the ones that had thought little of him, so we were also the ones to blame for his aggravation. He could easily cope with his heartache and the fact he was without a limb. However, he couldn't change our opinions of him, and _that_ had to be what pained him the most since he didn't have a say in it.

He probably would have to deal with it his entire life...

"Fucking hell," he growled to himself, trying to get at his crutch nearby. Unfortunately, it had fallen just out of his reach, and as Kai leaned over further, he lost his balance. I involuntarily flinched when he came down particularly hard on the floor, but I didn't dare offer to help him since I wasn't sure how'd react. He merely sighed in defeat while he picked himself up and crawled over to where his brace lay. He finally managed to get himself upright, and immediately afterwards, his expression softened.

"Are you okay?" I asked before I mentally scolded myself for uttering such a thing following the incident. However, he didn't seem to mind my lack of tact, and he only shook his head in dismay. Apparently, the day wasn't going as well as he'd hoped. "It's just hard for me _not_ to worry, Kai," I tried to explain, but I was still unsure if he understood how different it was from pity.

"I didn't mean to snap at you," he reassured me with obvious regret. "I know it's not something anyone can get over easily," he continued in a surprisingly casual manner, hobbling over to me. Even though I winced under his touch, he rested a hand on my shoulder and smiled softly. "You didn't do anything wrong, Claire, and... I'm grateful to you. I really am..."

"W-why?" I squeaked. "I haven't _done_ anything..." I couldn't understand how Kai could forgive me so quickly after losing his temper just moments before, but he did it so effortlessly that I was unable to make the transition from shocked by his recent outburst to being at ease in his company. He didn't just accept my concerns for what they were; he also was able to find it in himself to compliment me at the same time. No matter how much time passed, it would seem the traveller would remain a complete mystery.

Maybe that's how he was able to sweep women right off their feet with only a few, sweet words.

"Because no matter what, even without this," he gestured to his stump, "you_ always_ cared about me," he explained. Tenderly, he brushed a stray lock of hair behind my ear, and without meaning to, I gasped in surprise. He merely chuckled and shook his head, assuring me he wasn't up to anything of that nature. "I'm sure you've had enough to deal with on your own. After all, Lance told me about your anxiety attacks..."

I shuttered at the mere _thought_ that this man would know anything about that part of my past, but I suppose it was unescapable for him to hear it from _someone_, especially our own son. The poor boy _had_ been the one to witness most of my desperate break-downs in his childhood, and although I didn't want to consider it, there was a large possibility that it would forever haunt him well into his adulthood. It continued to trouble even me at times.

"Yes," I admitted cautiously, "but I got over it." I couldn't help feeling proud of that accomplishment, either, because I _had_ gotten through the difficult ordeal of dealing with my abandonment. I wasn't able to do it alone, though. Even so, I didn't feel it was right for me to share the identity of who had helped me through the good and bad times that had led up to my reunion with the man in front of me who I'd blamed for my grief during my darkest moments. I was certain it could be understood without having discuss the personal matter.

"I know you did," he agreed wistfully, his eyes becoming tender once more. "You're just that kind of woman, Claire." Patting me on the shoulder, he motioned for me to follow him over to his bed, and although I bit apprehensive, I joined him there. We sat side by side in a comfortable silence, each of us lost in our own thoughts.

Staring blankly at the white walls, I tried to ask myself how it must've been for him to live his life so far from home. It didn't seem to be the kind of thing I could've adjusted to myself, yet I was sure it was nothing new to him. Kai once told me that he believed the ways of a traveller had been his very blood, and after getting to know him over the years, I was certain that was the case as well. He could find his way in the world by the stars alone while he also knew the day by the phases of the moon and the time by the position of the sun. Not only did he recognize these things in nature, but he had this worldly way about him, too. I just wished I could recall the wonderful stories he had told me about his travels including the people he'd known and places he'd seen.

Most importantly, I wanted to know what it was about Kai's injury that had kept him from returning to me for the past sixteen years until now.

"Do you still want an explanation?" he offered as though he had read my mind. He had asked the question so nonchalantly that I was actually speechless for a moment. Regardless, he didn't appear fazed any, and I merely nodded, encouraging him to begin. Taking a deep breath, he seemed to prepare himself for what I knew would probably prove to be the most difficult challenge for him yet, and at last, he sighed heavily which I could safely assume meant he was ready to share his story with me for the first time.

"It was a _bomb_, Claire..."

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**Author's Note:** Of course there's more to it than that, but you'll just have to wait until the next update for details! XD (I know perfectly well how evil I am, by the way...)


	24. Chapter 24

**Author's Note:** Okay, if there _is_ a cliffhanger in this chapter, it wasn't intended, so I thought I'd just assure you all of that right now. At last, all answers will be given as to what happened to Kai and why he didn't come back, so I hope you all enjoy!

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**Chapter 24: Explanations**

_A... bomb?_

It wasn't as though I didn't believe him... but it seemed too far-fetched, even with the world being as it is today. Kai's stoic expression was more than enough to convince me that what he had said was the truth, yet I found it too hard to try and comprehend. However, I chose to keep my doubts to myself because I was afraid he might decide to end his explanation there, and I wanted... No, it wasn't as simple as a want; I _needed_ to know more. I couldn't continue living in the darkness of not knowing for certain which meant I wasn't about to discourage him in any way.

"Where _were_ you?" I asked quietly. Given his fun-loving nature, I couldn't imagine Kai traveling to a war-torn country or a place overwhelmed with violence. That consideration only made it all the more difficult for me to believe that he'd face that kind danger in the world. However, due to his injury, it might not have been as unlikely as I would've hoped...

He fell into an uncertain silence as if he was deep in thought, and at first, I was worried he might've changed his mind about telling me the truth of what had happened. Maybe he felt it would be too much for me to handle, or perhaps it was too painful a memory for him since he absentmindedly toyed with his empty pant leg where his limb _should've_ been. I wasn't sure how long we sat there with both of us lost in the quiet that had settled in the room. Finally, he sighed heavily and turned towards me to continue.

"Did you ever hear about Vietnam?" I raised an eyebrow, unsure of where he was trying to go with this. I had a feeling he wasn't just referring to the country itself, so I assumed he meant the war that had taken place there before either one of us was even aware that it was a part of our lives. It seemed to be something he would have no connection to, but I had to admit I didn't really know much about Kai's life prior to first coming to Mineral Town... "My dad fought in that damn war," he explained with obvious resentment although whether it was towards his father or the conflict, I couldn't honestly say.

My eyes widened at this realization because I doubt I would've ever known until that moment. He rarely discussed his family or its troubles. All I had heard about the man's parents was that they had always disapproved of his carefree lifestyle, following the sun around the world, but that wasn't what shocked me the most. I knew all too well what could become of someone who had been a solider during that time. My father had avoided the draft only by getting a teaching degree like many of his colleagues, yet I could still remember his brother wasn't so fortunate. If memory served, it had made my uncle a bitter, spiteful man towards the government and life itself.

After all, he was one of countless veterans who felt that it had been nothing more than a cruel lie formed by the nation's leaders at the time...

"Yes," I agreed in a calm manner, "of course I've heard of it. What I _don't_ understand is how it has anything to do with _you._" I tried my best not to sound confrontational although I wanted to make absolutely sure he wasn't trying to change the subject. I needed answers... ones I'd been waiting for for the past sixteen years, and I wasn't going to let him distract me or himself from that. I felt he owed at least that much to me.

"Well," he admitted with a bitter laugh, "if you grew up in_ my_ home, you might've known me a little better... Anyway, I always wondered why he was so on edge after he came back to the States. There were days when... I didn't even know him because he'd change so suddenly..." Kai's voice faded away into nothing at the thought, and I watched his warm, brown eyes distance themselves from me and the place in which we sat together. Although I felt that might be the end of it, he still pressed on. "Mom had to deal with it more than I did... but I still knew there was something wrong with him...

"There was... He took us out to dinner one night. We didn't do that a lot as a family, so I really excited, you know?" he continued with a faint, ghost of a smile. I didn't interrupt him, but I had to admit my mind was a little sidetracked while I thought of him as a little boy. I didn't doubt for a moment that the man had probably looked just like Lance as a young child. The idea of him being eager to go to a restaurant wasn't too far off base from what he'd become, either, yet I had a feeling that this trip hadn't been a happy memory.

As it would turn out... I was unfortunately right about that.

"Mom was trying to get me to settle down, and my old man was starting to lose his patience..." Kai paused for a second before he added, "Which if you knew him, I don't you'd be surprised, either. Well, he blew up at me right in front of the everyone, but that wasn't the worst of it...

"Have you ever heard a plane when it passes right overhead and it makes that roar?" he asked, never taking his eyes off me. I nodded slowly that I had a good idea of what he was talking about, and even though I could already follow where the story was headed, I let him go on with his explanation. "Well, one of those jets flew over the restaurant where we were eating dinner. I didn't really know what the hell was going on, but he suddenly just _dropped_ to the damn floor and dove under our table. He kept yelling for us to get down... until Mom dragged him out to the car and drove us home.

"I don't think she'd ever so humiliated before in her _life,"_ he concluded wistfully, glancing up to the ceiling as if he hoped to find her there.

Letting the whole, tragic scene play out in my mind, I could only imagine how that must've scarred Kai once he was grew old enough to look back on the memory and realize what it had all meant. Although they paled in comparison to his father's post-traumatic episodes, my anxiety attacks had a similar influence on my son, and it pained me to see there was another, more horrific, connection between the two of them. It was almost too much for me to bear, but it still didn't answer my question...

"Then after a while, I got to thinking," Kai began again without hesitation, "'I should go there,' so-"

"Why would you _want_ to?" I asked, despite my best efforts to keep quiet. He didn't seem to mind the interruption, and his warm eyes sparkled with amusement while he shared a soft smile.

"Because I wanted to understand him," he replied calmly. "Even if it was only a little bit, I wanted to know _why_ he was the man I came to know as my dad. You already know we didn't get along, so I guess it was just my way of making amends... especially since I got that letter from my mom." I must've appeared confused, so he clarified what he was trying to tell me. "Apparently, he passed away right before I left our home here..."

I felt my eyes tear up when he explained this to me, and I immediately regretted ever hating him for leaving me in the first place. Although he could've, and _should've_, told me in the beginning why he'd left me, I wasn't angry about that matter any longer. It seemed so pointless now that realized why he'd often gaze out the window, lost in thought, or I'd see him staring off towards the distant horizon. He had only started to act that way a short time before he took off on the cruise headed to nowhere. Strange how things like that make sense _after_ everything has fallen apart... However, I should've known him better than I did.

Kai may have seemed to be extremely open with people, but I had always suspected there was a more secretive part to his nature. He only shared the good, and what was left, both the bad and the ugly, was kept to himself which shaped the man who became a mysterious and charming traveller. Regardless of my concerns for him, he didn't dwell on the matter for very long before he continued with his sad story.

"The weird thing is that I never got to Vietnam," he confessed, rubbing the back of his neck in an apologetic manner, "but I _did_ find heaven on earth." He actually laughed at my bewildered expression which was a result of me being unable to understand how he could still be so carefree given the tragic tale. However, I suppose he was doing his best to lighten the mood. "It's true!" he insisted, his brown eyes bright with excitement.

"How could it be heaven if..." I glanced down at his stump with a shiver running down my spine. He merely chuckled at my repulsed reaction to the sight, and he slapped his hand down on it to emphasize his amusement at the cruel joke he was playing on himself.

"You've never seen the world," he assured me, "but I can tell you that it really does exist out there if you're willing to look for it."

"Kai, I think you've lost your mind," I argued with a heavy sigh. "Besides, I can't follow your story. I mean... we started with the Vietnam War, then you tell me about your father... not to mention the fact that he _died_, and now you say you found heaven." Completely exasperated and hopelessly frustrated, I demanded, "How the hell does everything come together?"

"Well, there's a country right alongside what's now considered to be North and South Vietnam. It's a peaceful nation, and I don't think there's anything closer to paradise on earth," he explained while his eyes grew distant as if it were a pleasant memory. "It's called Laos, Claire, and it's the most beautiful place I've ever seen. You wouldn't _believe_ how wonderfully quiet it is there... I only wish you could've experienced it... It's so tranquil since it's hasn't really been touched by modern society."

"Peaceful countries don't have _bombs," _I argued, fed up with Kai and what he was trying to imply. I just couldn't understand this man...

"That's right," he agreed with bitterness tainting his usually smooth voice. I glanced up from my lap to see that his brow was furrowed in resentment, and I wondered yet again how he was going to bring all of this information together. As far as I could tell, he'd been making circles. "Laos and Cambodia weren't directly apart of the Vietnam war, but do you remember how the North Vietnamese kept coming into the Southern part of the country that the US was trying to keep a hold of?"

I had to try and think back to the days when I first began to learn about the police action that became a full blown war, and finally, I felt I came to the answer... "The Ho Chi Minh Trail?" I offered, hoping that my thirteen years of schooling hadn't been lost over time from being neglected for so long. Luckily for me, he smiled proudly that I was, indeed, correct.

"You've got it," Kai assured me. "The Ho Chi Minh Trail wasn't in Vietnam because it ran through Laos and Cambodia, and the US was warned to keep its troops out of the neighboring countries otherwise there would be further military actions from the nations opposed to the war. Therefore, it became both a soldier and supply route for the North Vietnamese.

"However... they weren't the ones to put those bombs there," he explained, his voice and his gaze both becoming darker as he thought back on what he'd said. "_America_ did..."

"But didn't you just say that we weren't supposed to-"

"We didn't bring troops into the countries," he clarified while he kept a steady eye on me. "There were air raids all along the Trail, but some of those bombs didn't explode on impact. They were buried into the earth... and some of them _still_ there." I gasped quietly as I was suddenly able to connect everything he'd laid out for me. He didn't stop there, though. "All it takes, Claire, is for one man to try and repair his house or a farmer to try and plow his field... and one of those bastards will detonate..."

"Is that how..." I trailed off and shut my eyes tight, nearly gagging in my own mouth at the mere thought of what had happened to the man at my side. He didn't even have anything to do with the conflict, yet he had suffered a terrible price for what his government had decided was their key to victory. Although it was a moot point, they hadn't won the war even _with _the desperate tactics they chose to rely on... All those lives _lost_... and for what?

_Nothing..._

"Don't be upset," Kai whispered, cupping my damp cheek with one hand. "I was the lucky one." We both gazed down at the place where his missing limb should've rested, but I looked away first. It was too much... "The man I was with... Well, let's just say that his little boy became the head of the family sooner than expected." My breath hitched in my throat as I choked back a sob, and he didn't have to say anything more.

Even those that had nothing to do with the war, especially after all these years, were still paying the price of an earlier generations' foolishness... and that was the greatest tragedy of all.

"Tell me why..." I pleaded, hiding my face in my hands to try and compose myself. "Just tell me... why didn't you come _home?"_ I mumbled, clinging to the man's jacket. Although I knew I was pitiful for doing so, I also knew he would accept me in my weakened state. It wasn't that I had crumbled once again revealing my former, worthless self, but at the moment, I was completely overwhelmed. All of it made so little sense to me while I was left drowning in guilt and regret. My heart was breaking for _his_ sake. It wasn't as simple as pity, yet I felt _someone_ should shed a tear for him.

After all, who knew how many times it was done for me throughout the years?

"Goddess, Claire, I didn't me to make you_ cry,"_ Kai apologized as he brought me closer to him. I didn't resist although a part me told me I should in case he might mistake it for something more. Despite my concerns, I knew he didn't an any objective other than to comfort me, so I let him wrap a secure arm around my shoulder and hold me close. He was so warm... While he held me, shushing me in a gentle tone, I grew quiet, and I pieced myself back together. I wasn't going to let him off the hook that easily, though.

"Don't try and changed the subject," I threatened in an unsteady voice, pushing him away a little. He blinked as if he had no clue what I was talking about. I rolled my eyes in frustration and clarified, "Now... tell me why you didn't come back for so long, and I want the _truth_."

He let me go reluctantly, sighing heavily, and I could already guess that he regretted what he'd decided was the best in the past. It also made it clear to me that he could've returned whenever he chose because there would be no doubts it wasn't beyond his control. Given how his body had become so rigid and the way in which he avoiding meeting my gaze, I knew he wanted to avoid the whole matter. What was it about his reasoning that made it so uncomfortable towards the idea of admit to it? Although I didn't have my answer just yet, the light brush of scarlet that found its way across his cheeks hinted at his embarrassment.

"I'm warning you now," he began with another sigh, "that it's a damn stupid reason..." I didn't even flinch as I crossed my arms over my chest determined to wait him out until he explained himself. "I let my pride get the best of me," he confessed, leaning back onto the bed. I simply raised an eyebrow since I was unsure of what he meant by that statement, but he didn't bother to say anything more. What did pride have to do with returning to this place... more importantly, to _me?_

"Can't you give me more than _that?"_ I asked after the long silence that had followed his reply. His brown eyes begged me for mercy, but I was going to have a complete answer without loose ends to be tied. Even if it was a foolish reason, I wanted it all the same.

"You haven't changed much," Kai observed, giving me that cheeky grin of his. "You're as stubborn as ever when it comes to these things, and if _that_ isn't any different, then I'm sure I haven't got a chance." I narrowed my eyes, and he visibly gulped. "Like I said, it was my pride that kept me from coming home. I figure that since I was... like _this,"_ he gestured to his stump of a leg, "that I would just be a burden for you..."

Although he glanced up at me, I found I couldn't even say anything. Did it really come down to him not wanting any pity from me or anyone else? Surely he knew better than to assume I would be so simple-minded. Of course it would've been hard at times, but I wasn't the type of woman to back down from a challenge. Yes, I'd been broken once before, and I'd be the first to admit to that since it was the truth at the time. Maybe it was just because I had Rick to rely on during those times when I couldn't stand on my own... However, I still could've been there for Kai in his darker moments if he was willing to share them with me. Even now, I was here with him in one of his more vulnerable times.

So why wouldn't I have done the same then?

"When we were together," he continued, unfazed by my resentful silence, "I felt like I wasn't doing my share. You were always working so hard on your farm, sharing everything you earned with me, and there I was, with just _this_ ol' place, not making a single coin."

"Then why didn't you say anything about it when I asked you if it bother you?" I demanded bitterly. I hadn't forgotten all the times I'd asked him if he ever felt slighted not to be the breadwinner in our family, but every time, he would dismiss it completely and say, _"Your happiness is mine, Claire." _I had wrongly assumed that he was comfortable with the arrangement, yet I knew I wasn't the one at fault. While he was spending all that time angry at himself for not doing more, he could've found other means to help us make a living. Instead, he chose to stick his head in the sand.

"Because I didn't want to trouble you with my lack of confidence," Kai offered as he closed his weary eyes. "That's also why I stayed away for so long... I ended up burning away all the money I had with my medical bills from the accident, and I obviously couldn't work without a leg."

"You could've sent a letter," I reminded him spitefully, tightening my hold on the bedding. "Dammit, Kai, I would've paid to get you home!"

"I knew that," he replied, "but then I'd owe you for that, too. Like I said, my pride was what got me into this whole mess... It might sound stupid to both of us now, but when it happened, I couldn't think of anything else." He chuckled darkly to himself before he sighed. "It doesn't help to have the other guys telling you more or less the same while you're stuck with them all in the same room of the local hospital, either." After I glared over my shoulder at him, he explained further, "It's a different world over there, Claire. If a man loses his arm or his leg, he's worthless to his family, and he goes from being their everything to no body's anything."

"Maybe that's how it works elsewhere, but that's not how it is _here,"_ I argued, feeling the tears brimming in my eyes once again. _This_ was why he stayed away so long... because of man's foolish sense of pride? Hugging my knees to my chest, I had a hard time believing that was the truth, and I knew I would never understand. It seemed so... ridiculous.

Kai picked himself back up his reclined position, and like a cat, he stretched himself out. "I _told_ you it was a stupid reason," he remarked as he stood with a slight wobble. Then he laughed and added, "What's done is done, I suppose..." The man turned, sending a wink my way which caused my cheeks to burn. "Besides, Rick's a good enough guy although I'm sure he'd still like to see me gone for good, so I can't say I blame you for choosing him over me in the end."

"Rick has nothing to do with this," I insisted, jabbing the traveller in the chest and sizing him up with my eyes. I didn't know what he was trying to pull, but I wouldn't tolerate-

Suddenly, Kai had my hand in his and his eyes were filled with the same tenderness they always had whenever he'd look at me. Even though I expected him to try and kiss me due to his face being so dangerous close to my own, he spun me around to turn away from him instead, and he held me close, resting his head on my mine. I could tell by the sound of his voice that he was smiling while he teased me, "You're cute when you lie... but I know the truth about you two, Claire. Isn't that what you wanted?"

Although I knew he was right about me wanting him to understand, a part of myself was sad to hear him say it so casually. Did he really not care whether he was the one to have me or not? However, I soon felt a curious dampness soaking through my hair which made me realize that _he_ was the one who was lying. He'd brought on his own tragedy, and it was more than just losing a leg or the sense of who he was. Unfortunately, he was the only one to blame.

Like the old saying goes... a pride goeth before a fall...

--

**Author's Note:** There you have it, folks! If anyone has suggestions for this chapter, I'm open to them, but for the most part, I'm rather pleased with how it turned out.

Unfortunately, what happened to Kai actually is more of a common occurrence than you might expect, and it happens all over the world, not just Laos. I only used that as a reference because I saw a similar case on _Anthony Bourdain's: No Reservations._ The man that Bourdain spoke with lost both his arm and leg on the same side from one of these un-detonated, _American_ bombs from the Vietnam War because he just had to put another post into the ground to expand his family's home... Now his family of four is supported by the local community, and he said that was the hardest part of his ordeal, seeing his wife and children suffer. :(

Also, I study a lot about the sixties, the Vietnam War, and the counterculture, so this was interesting to me. On another note, Claire's around 42 by this point in the story, so that's why she and Kai would've been born during the war (2008 - 42 is 1966). Thus, his father and her uncle taking part in it.

Concerning Kai's reason for staying away from home, it _is_ a dumb reason, but sometimes people make stupid decisions which cost them more than they realize.


	25. Chapter 25

**Author's Note:** Okay, I'm sorry if the last chapter was a disappointment, but hey, I worked hard on it! XD Thanks for everyone's support since I know it was really far out there. I've never done that much research for a story before... XO

Anyway, this chapter brings Rick back into the story a little bit which is good (I've been worried that he'd gotten lost), so please enjoy!

--

**Chapter 25: Understandings**

How I managed to get though the rest of that evening after all that Kai had told me, I may never know... Although the apple souffle had been forgotten, it thankfully hadn't been missed, but that wasn't what left me so uncomfortable. It was the expression on the weary man's face as I left him behind that haunted me, and I couldn't help remembering the emptiness in his eyes, watching me return to the life I'd been living without him. I knew I had done nothing wrong, but I had to wonder how he felt to see me go. I could hear it in his voice that he regretted the decisions he'd made, yet there was something else weighing heavily on his mind.

And it didn't take much to figure out what continued to trouble him...

"Rick, do you know where Lance ran off to?" I asked the older man who'd begun to busy himself with washing down the table. "It's getting late..." He lifted his head rather quickly which sent his lenses sliding down the bridge of his nose.

"I thought he was taking Opal home..." he replied pushing his glasses back up to their proper place. "Should I go find him?" he offered, already headed for the door. His over-protective nature would almost always cause a scene when it concerned the boy, especially if a _girl_ was involved. I hadn't ever seen a parent so dedicated to a curfew, and I had a terribly hard time convincing him that midnight was more than acceptable for a young man at sixteen as a result. It would seem that some things will stay the same, it seemed.

"There's no need to worry about it," I assured him with a smile. "After all, he'll be seventeen next week." I almost laughed to even consider that my son was growing up so quickly because it seemed like it was just yesterday he was nothing more than an infant. I had one regret, though, and that was wishing I would've done things differently with him in the beginning. However, there wasn't any time to dwell on what could've been, I suppose. "If we can't trust him at this age, then there's not much we can do to change him now."

"Well," he muttered under his breath, "I just don't want him to turn out like that worthless-"

_"Don't_ talk about Kai like that!" I snapped, causing him to flinch. I'm not sure what had come over me, but I had to admit it certainly shocked the both of us. Rick could only blink at me in complete surprise as I ran my nimble fingers through my hair in frustration with myself. "I'm sorry," I apologized at last, feeling like I was utterly spent. I more or less _was,_ too...

The day had left me emotionally spent, and because I felt it didn't concern him any, I hadn't shared anything of the other man's past. However, that left me to deal with all of it on my own which made me anxious inside. My rising panic wasn't as bad as it could've been, but I was still trying to make sense of what I'd been told. The story of Kai's injury and his reasons for not coming back to Mineral Town were dubious at best, yet he was too honest of a man to lie. It was strange how someone that was viewed as such a rogue was really nothing more than a misunderstood individual. That's why I couldn't stand anyone looking down on him. I never really could even _before_ he had left.

"Claire, what did he say to you while you were over there?" Rick asked quietly, resting a hand on my shoulder. I went to open my mouth to reply, but he pressed a finger to my lips and warned, "Don't you dare try to defend him, either." Gazing up into the man's blue-green eyes, I could see he was absolutely serious, and not for the first time, I was actually afraid for his rival if he even _thought_ the other had done anything to wrong me. There was such a fierce intensity to his personality when it came to the traveller. I'd never seen so much life burning within him...

After I was able to use my voice again, I found I was becoming increasingly defensive. "He didn't do _anything_, Rick," I protested. Why was I acting like this? It wasn't really me... or was it? "Kai would _never_ hurt me." However, even I knew that statement wasn't exactly true. He _had_ hurt me once in the past, and that's all it took before the man I'd come to love would step in. The one who held me was always there to protect me when I needed saving, and he'd comfort me afterwards.

"I understand..." he relented while bringing me into a tender embrace. I winced under his gentle touch at first, yet soon enough I was melting in his arms. As always, I felt secure with him near me, like my troubles just vanished into nothingness. "Maybe you're right..." he admitted, "but I still don't think Lance should be spending so much time with him."

"Why not?" I demanded, burying myself into his chest as I breathed in the warm and comforting fabric of his sweater. The poor thing had been soaked with seemingly endless tears throughout its lifetime, but like its owner, it was determined to help me through the difficulties I faced. Even so, it couldn't keep me from digging into the man's skin angrily. "He's the boy's _father,_ Rick."

He sighed in defeat before resting his head on my own in his usual way. "Goddess, Claire, he wasn't the one to _raise_ him," he argued with bitterness in his voice. Although I knew it was true, it only upset me more, and I felt the familiar heartache rising in my chest. It was as if he didn't even comprehend what he was saying anymore. Didn't Lance deserve the opportunity to get to know his true father? "You know I think of him as my own son."

"Of course you do," I agreed, letting my grip on him ease a little. However, before I could stop myself, I gazed up at him and asked in a voice so small that it was barely a whisper. "Do you _love_ him, though?" At first, it seemed as if I'd caught him off-guard, but then he smiled softly down at me like I was child trying to understand something from an adult's point of view.

"If I didn't, would I be so upset about him going to see that asshole?" he challenged gently before kissing me on the forehead. "I know I'm strict," he confessed with a slight chuckle, "but that's just because I'm worried about him." Even though I had known that, I was grateful to hear him say it, and I sighed happily, resting on his chest once again. It wasn't as if I doubted him, but I always wondered how he really felt towards his step-son. Still, I felt guilty for ever questioning it. "He's a good kid, and I want him to stay that way, too."

"Kai's not a bad man," I insisted, "no matter how much you _think_ he is..." I was firm in believing that, regardless of who argued against it. Maybe it was a losing battle, but I wanted to make that clear to Rick. It didn't seem like too much to ask although I knew his animosity towards the other man ran deep, and I was determined to see the day when the two would at least be on even terms. "Why can't you see that?"

"Because he's just a womanizer, Claire," Rick explained, holding me closer to him. "Who knows how many hearts that bastard's taken? First my little sister, then you..."

"You got me in the end, didn't you?" I teased, sneaking in a kiss on his lips. He chuckled to himself, but then he sighed which told me he doubted what I'd said. He appeared to be a bit deflated as well, and I wondered what I might've done to hurt him since I was trying to cheer him up. However, his eyes had dimmed while he lost himself in thought. "What's wrong?" I asked uncertainly, gazing up at him. "Was it something I said?"

"No," he reassured me, "it's just..." As the words trailed off, he rested his head on my shoulder. "That's not _my_ blue feather up there..." Although I couldn't lift my head to see it for myself, I remembered the symbol of Kai's and my engagement, and the marriage that followed, was displayed on the shelf of our home. In a rather ironic turn of fate, the gift which Rick had given me sixteen years before on the Starry Night, the crimson and gold painted goose egg, was nestled next to the feather I'd received from from his rival. Both the red and the blue had lost their vibrancy over time, but each one was still precious to me. I would never dream of parting with either of them, yet as long as that feather remained in our home, Rick would always be the _other _man.

"There's nothing I can do about it, though," I replied although I knew it wasn't really the whole truth. I simply never considered it before now, but it was possible I didn't want to, either. Maybe a part of me had been waiting until I had known the truth, or... perhaps it was that I'd been hoping things could've gone back to the way they used to be. Regardless, I knew it was time to make a decision. It was Rick or Kai...

... and I only wished I could have both.

--

"What on earth am I doing?" I wondered aloud, glancing down at what was tightly in my grasp. The dusty blue treasure I held in my hand burned me as I made my way to the Mayor's house the day following a difficult night of inner turmoil. Although it was unusual for me to make a visit to the man, it was the only place where I could go for what I was about to do. I kept telling myself it was the right decision, but I continued to doubt my resolve. I knew it was pointless for me to agonize over the matter... yet because the result would be so permanent, I was afraid to go through with it. "You can do this, Claire," I tried to convince myself without a shiver racing down my spine.

As I came to the Mayor's door, I lifted my eyes up from the cobbled street, and I realized I had almost collided with someone. _"Kai?"_

I had to admit that I was completely blown away, yet there he was, standing directly in front of me as if he'd just stepped out of the very place I was headed to. He seemed to be rather bewildered himself, but soon enough he offered me a small, apologetic smile. "I didn't expect to see you here," he explained while he leaned comfortably on his crutch. Then he chuckled to himself like he found the coincidental meeting to be somewhat amusing, and I couldn't help wondering about the joke that I was missing out on. "What have you got there with you?" he asked, knowing full well what it was.

Even though I knew he had seen it, I childishly hid the blue feather behind my back. I couldn't help feeling ashamed for what I was doing, but we were both aware, by that time at least, of what had to be done. I glanced away, afraid to see the disappointed expression on his usually serene face. However, he gently took my chin in his hand and brought my eyes to meet his own. The tenderness still lingered there, yet I could clearly see the sadness that had begun to take its place in his warm gaze.

"You don't have feel sorry for me," Kai assured me, his voice quivering from the strain to keep smiling. "I... I just figured it was for the best is all." I felt my heart crack in my chest when I began to understand what he was implying. Although I should've expected that to be the reason he'd come from the make-shift town hall, I was rendered speechless, and I could feel the tears welling in my own eyes, widened from shock.

"D-did you..." The words failed me while I hung my head sorrowfully. There were many thoughts that were rampantly coursing through my mind, but one rose above all the others, finding it's way into the world. Breathlessly, I asked, _"Why..."_

"Because you were right," he explained with a shrug. Although he was trying to appear casual with the whole matter, I could see him shaking, and I knew he couldn't last much longer in my company. He was truly broken now, but there no way I could possibly heal him. Only time could have any hope of piecing him back together into the man he once was. Even then, there was a good chance he'd never be the Kai I had known... and in the past, the man I'd _loved._ Still, maybe it wasn't just an end. "All you have to do now is sign your share of the paperwork, and it'll all be over between you and me."

"Kai, are you really okay with this?" I pressed, taking a step towards him. I watched as he flinched back away from me, but I wouldn't let him simply run away. He only stopped when his back was pressed firmly against the door, behind which was the closing chapter of what had been our relationship. We both knew fully well that he was anything _but_... That didn't matter, though, because I wanted to hear him deny it. I wanted to hear him tell me it was alright even if it was just to ease my own guilt...

Finally, I was right in front of him while I continued to wait expectantly for his answer. We were so close that my eyes were clouded by his uneven breaths in the chilled winter's air, and I was sure I could hear his heart racing. He closed his eyes like he was trying to shut me out. However, he knew I wasn't easily ignored.

"Of course I'm not 'okay' with it, Claire," he confessed although it came out with a slight growl, "but it's what's got to be done... Right?" I watched as the tears began to glisten on his tanned cheeks while he fell back into silence. I could imagine how his heart was breaking since I had gone through the same ordeal myself. It was an aching that spread across a person's entire body, and if he wasn't able to find someone to stop the pain, I knew he might consider doing so himself. I wanted to believe that he wouldn't let that happen... Even so, I knew it could be a possibility because unlike me, he didn't have anyone to rely on... He probably would end up suffering all alone.

"I... I'm sorry, Kai," I apologized quietly as I took his hand, and I returned the blue feather he'd given me all those years ago. He merely stared at it for a moment before he lifted it up slightly above his head to gaze at it. I could see the memory of the night he'd proposed flicker across his warm, misted eyes, and I wondered what it was like for him. Would he look upon it as a happy memory, or was it something he wanted to tell himself had never happened? It wasn't for me to know...

"So are you and Rick going to..." his voice trailed away, unable to cope with the mere thought of me being with someone else. However, I could see a ghost of a smile tugging at his lips, and in a strange way, I could tell he was actually happy for me. Like always, he was trying to put my wants and needs before his own.

"Maybe," I agreed with a half-hearted shrug, "but I think we're comfortable enough as we are." It may have been unusual to some, but we'd spent the past years living together without a blue feather between us or each other's ring on our finger. Rick had never brought up the idea of marriage, and I certainly hadn't, either. We were more than happy to spend our lives as we had for so long; not to mention, most of the village considered us to be husband and wife since that was more or less the nature of our relationship. It seemed so trivial to have it written on a document.

Certainly the last which was done in the traditional manner hadn't meant as much as it should've.

"At least you found someone to make you happy," the man relented with a heavy sigh. I glanced at him to see the warmth in his gaze, and I found the strength to offer him a grateful smile which he returned. It seemed so peculiar to look at him now while I began to realize that I was _free_ in a sense. Although it was selfish of me, I felt it was a refreshing thought.

"I'm sure you'll find another one day," I encouraged him wistfully. Certainly such a kind man wouldn't be alone forever... However, he seemed to be amused by my prediction, and he actually chuckled to himself. I wasn't sure what he found so comical about the heartbreaking situation, but when his tender eyes rested on me once more, I felt myself becoming dizzy from seeing all the emotions that swirled in those open pools of chocolate.

"No, Claire," he whispered before leaning in close to me, "it'll _always_ be you..." And with those sad, sweet words, he kissed me... one last time.

--

**Author's Note: **I actually cried a few times while writing this... However, I think I loved writing this chapter more than the last because I really enjoyed all of the scenes with Kai (sorry Rick). X3

There's only five more chapters to go, but since I'm going home this weekend for some turkey dinner (and I've been putting off finishing my final for Drawing I O-o), I probably won't be able to update much after tonight. I'll _try,_ though...


	26. Chapter 26

**Author's Note:**This chapter really does add to the plot per se, but it _also_ shows how the relationships between the characters has developed which is just as good in my opinion. X3 Please enjoy!

--

**Chapter 26: Togetherness**

"No, no... you're stirring it too fast, Claire," Kai scolded me while guiding my hands from behind. I felt my cheeks warm because of the rather intimate position, and sensing my discomfort, I heard him chuckle to himself. "Come on... I'm not _that_ scary, am I?" he teased which only made my blush deepen. I wasn't so sure of that, but I didn't say as much. It was strange enough having him back in the house we used to share after all these years...

"Kai, what the _hell _do you think you're doing to her?" a firm voice demanded directly over his shoulder. Both of us jumped in surprise, and the man who'd been standing so close to me flew back before he stumbled over. I spun on my heel to see Rick supporting him with his arms hooked with the other's. I almost laughed to see Kai's bewildered expression when he gazed up at the man who'd kept him from slamming into the floor next to his brace, but I felt that neither of them would find it as humorous as I did.

"She asked me to help her with a recipe," he explained weakly, trying to lift himself up. However, he nearly fell again until Rick steadied him and handed him his crutch. He accepted it begrudgingly, but he forced a grateful smile all the same. "Thanks..."

"Well, I don't think she needed you hovering over her like that," the poultry farmer argued. Although his face was firm, I could tell he was smug about his current role, and there was a confident smile tugging at his chapped lips. I had come to accept there would always be a rivalry between the two men, but at least it was friendly in nature now. Still, I couldn't help wondering if it was just a show to reassure me all was well...

"Hey, it's not my fault that doesn't know how to mix properly," Kai countered with a laugh. I shot him a stern glare which shut him up rather quickly. Even so, I couldn't keep myself from grinning shortly after.

"I was doing just fine," I replied, turning back to my task. I wouldn't give him the gratification of knowing he was right, but I did begin to stir a bit more slowly. The truth was that Kai _had_ been very helpful... After all, I might finally be able to make that damn souffle I'd been hoping to perfect.

"There's quite a crowd showing up here tonight, right?" he asked, hobbling over to the other side of the counter facing me with Rick in close pursuit. My companion seemed determined to keep an eye on the unwanted man who'd come into his home, but as long as he was courteous, I wasn't going to say anything on the matter. The whole situation would've been unusual elsewhere, yet it actually made some sort of sense to me. I suppose I was accustomed to it by now because it had always been this way from the beginning. Their personal conflict was just something I expected of them.

"Let's see..." I began while trying to mull it over. "Lance went to go get Opal and her family, and I invited Karen and her folks over as well..."

"Don't forget my sister's bringing Carter, too," Rick reminded me. We both glanced over to see Kai's reaction to this revelation. However, he was seemingly unfazed, or he simply didn't understand what we were trying to imply. I didn't have a chance to explain it to him, though, because the door flew open, letting in the winter's chill.

"Oh, looks like Lance is back," I observed as I handed off the mixing bowl to Kai and his capable hands, so I could scurry over to welcome my visitors. Although I knew it was a huge undertaking, I was more than happy to accommodate a house filled with guests. It certainly warmed my heart to see them all in one place for the first time. "Come on in!" I called making my way to bring them in from the cold.

"Good to see you, too, Claire," Anna greeted me, thrusting a few cake pans into my arms. I gasped at the rather sudden weight, but Rick was soon there to ease my unexpected burden. "Lance had told me you weren't sure if you'd have enough time to bake, so I made some goodies..." Even though her entry was a bit rough, she made the best desserts in town. I knew she wasn't trying to cause a scene anyway, so because she was always brisk with me, I was able to brush her rude behavior aside with a smile.

Basil followed his wife inside, and unsurprisingly, he went straight for my humble bookshelf, no doubt hoping to find a farming text to occupy his time. I felt a bit sorry for the man since he was the one that would be most out of place in the whole gathering. Since I knew Jeff was coming as well, I knew both men would be feeling a bit awkward, but I wasn't sure how I could've entertained them. I could only hope that they might be able to keep themselves amused until their wives let them return home for the evening...

"Oh, Claire, I'm sorry about Mother..." Mary apologized as she came into the doorway arm and arm with her ever disgruntled husband. While she continued to excuse the older woman's behavior, the gruff blacksmith made his way over to the kitchen, and his old roommate immediately began talking excitably with him. Gray might have rolled his eyes during Kai's monologue, but he couldn't hide the subtle smile he wore. I had to grin as well since he was probably one of the very few who missed the traveller. I didn't know any of the details, yet from the way they seemed to pick up a conversation so effortlessly, mostly on the rogue's part, they made it clear that the two were rather close.

"Mary, it's really alright," I assured the meek librarian, chuckling to myself. Her cheeks were brushed with scarlet, and I sympathized with the poor woman. She couldn't do anything about her gossip of a mother which must have caused her a lot of trouble at times. Even Opal had to deal with the drama of the town from the lips of her grandmother although I hoped she hadn't heard much of my broken past. Just as I thought on this, I realized something was amiss. "Where are the kids?" I asked.

"Well," she replied, glancing over her shoulder, "they _were _right behind us..." I sighed and shook my head in defeat. I could only imagine where they could've run off to, and it didn't take much thought to consider _what_ they were up to at the moment. Still, I decided I'd give the pair the benefit of the doubt since I was confident Opal at least would ensure I wouldn't become a grandmother any time soon.

"For Goddess' sake, girls, the those two are old enough to take care of themselves by now," a new voice offered, and I glanced up to see Karen with a couple bottles in hand. I took the wine graciously from her before the raven-haired woman and I stepped back to let her and her mother inside as well. Once she saw Rick standing and talking with the other men, she excused herself, "I better get over to the kitchen since Goddess knows we shouldn't have the _boys_ cook..."

The librarian and I exchanged worried glances as the headstrong woman headed off to what would surely become a culinary disaster, and Sasha quickly followed in hot pursuit of her daughter to try and prevent tragedy. However, soon enough we were giggle between ourselves while we came to sit beside Basil to offer the poor man some company.

Given how animated things had begun, I could only wonder what would become of our Starry Night holiday...

--

Finally, once everyone had seated themselves for dinner, and the evening's festivities got under way. I was honestly just surprised that I could fit the whole lot in my home, let _alone_ the small table that we'd arranged ourselves around. Oddly enough, Kai was seated across from Rick who was at my side, and I nervously glanced over towards the poultry farmer to see he was already eyeing his opponent. I gave him a swift kick under the table to keep him in line which made him wince, and he glared at me while he mouthed the words, "What was that for?" I simply whispered in his ear that I wasn't going to let him try and spoil a good time because he happened to have a problem with one of my guests.

"Is everything alright?" Opal asked quietly from where she sat beside my son who was next to his father. Lance gave us a curious look, but I simply smiled pleasantly over at him.

"Nothing at all," I replied a little to sweetly. I heard Kai stifle a chuckle although Rick just rolled his eyes with a slight grin, and the matter seemed to have been put at rest for at least for a while. Even so, I felt the eyes at the very end of the table where Sasha and Anna were busy chatting away as their husbands tried to make small talk, and I could only assume that they were discussing me and the most recent episode of drama in my life. Would it really be all that surprising by this point?

"Mom, you're being _rude,_" Mary scolded, nervously toying with the napkin in her lap. She looked to Gray for support, but he was well accustomed to his mother-in-law's antics which left him rather numb to them. Their daughter was also a bit subdued concerning the whole matter, but she still snuck a few uncertain glances towards her grandmother. My end of the table was rather indifferent as well since we'd dealt with it all before, and there wasn't anything the gossips could possibly say that could phase us by now. "Can't you save the rumors for the Square?" the librarian pleaded.

"Oh, come now, dear," Anna scoffed with a huff. Then with a sly smile, she continued in her usual, breezy manner, "Well, if you're so curious about what we're talking about, I'll be sure to tell you." Everyone visibly began to squirm in their seats uncomfortably while we waited for her to start laying out our secrets for everyone present to know. "We were just wondering when you and Popuri were going to get married, Father Carter..."

Suddenly, I heard Kai nearly choke across from me in surprise before his head whipped around to get a good look at the flustered reverend, and Rick almost began to laugh seeing his rival's reaction upon hearing the news. I had forgotten how the traveller was unaware of the relationship between the pastor and his former sweetheart... He didn't say a word, though, after he got over the initial shock, and he waited to hear the reply like the rest of us.

"Um... we haven't really discussed the matter," Carter confessed with a slight cough. I could only imagine how he must've felt being under the scrutiny of the gaze of everyone in the room, but there was nothing I could do to help him. However, while her partner wasn't too keen on revealing the details of their relationship, Popuri seemed more than willing to take care of the situation on her own.

"Yes, we have," she corrected him, spinning a pink curl around her finger as she bit her lip in deep thought. "There's a bit of a problem with the whole thing... You see, we can't really get married because he's a member of the clergy." We all nodded in understanding since someone who devotes themselves to the Harvest Goddess seemed to be unable to marry. That may have been the case, yet a part of me had to question their relationship on a whole. Even so, she finished with an impressive conviction as she made her point clear, "But that doesn't mean we're not going to stay together!"

Although she still had her rather childish appearance, right then there was no doubt in anyone's mind that Popuri was a woman who was just as emotionally strong as her mother had been. Clearly it didn't matter to her that she could never belong to the man of her dreams in the traditional sense because she felt their love could withstand the test of time without a blue feather between them or a ring on her finger. Even without those things, they still shared a bond, and I had to admire her for being satisfied with what she had been given instead of what she _could've_ had.

"Then how about you two?" Anna asked, directing her previous question towards Rick and I. We exchanged uncertain glances, but soon enough I felt his large, warm hand envelop my own which put me immediately at ease. It was a short lived sense of peace, though, since it seemed the woman wanted to squeeze _little_ bit more information from us, from _me_ inparticular... "After all, you and Kai have divorced, haven't you?"

Now it was _my_ turn to choke on my tongue in response, and my chest tightened uncomfortably while I tried to think on what I could _possibly_ say on the matter. I certainly didn't what to cause a scene, but I was more worried about hurting the feelings of the man who sat across from me. Although I first looked to my ex-husband, I realized it was _Lance_ that seemed to be the most hurt by her probing. He hung his head and sighed heavily, excusing himself from the table before he headed out without even pausing to dress himself for the winter's chill. Opal rose as well and followed him shortly thereafter, grabbing both of their coats, and a heavy silence fell over the table once the door closed behind them. I could hear Sasha scolding the other woman for going too far as Mary apologized to me over and over for her mother's insensitivity, but I kept myself protectively numb to everything. Only Rick's reassuring hold of my hand steadied me, keeping me from beginning to shake again.

Kai was kind enough to be the one to address the question in his naturally calm manner, saving me the trouble of offering a reply. "Well, we both agreed it was for the best," he explained without any sense of hesitation, "so what they decide to do now isn't really my business." Finished giving his two cents worth, he promptly returned to what was left of his meal, and I actually sighed in relief. However, I was still concerned for my son who'd left the room, clearly distraught...

"Don't worry," Rick consoled me, starting to stand. "I'll-"

"I can go find the boy," the other insisted, scooting back his chair. The two rivals stared into one another's eyes, and after they had come to some sort of understanding, the traveller was allowed to go off in pursuit of the couple. Though I could tell the poultry farmer was about to protest further, he relented and sat back down next to me. I was actually quite confident in Kai's ability to comfort his son in what would prove to be a difficult time for the young man, so I didn't feel the need to join him. Besides, I would have my own chance to talk with my child once everyone else had gone. I wasn't sure if I could really give an explanation for what had happened between his father and I, but I knew I had to at least _try_ to make some sense of it all.

"So, now that he's out of the room," Anna continued which caused even her husband to groan in disapproval, "how about you tell us what you've decided." How the woman remained so persistant, I don't think I'll _ever _know for certain.

Yet again, I was rescued from the fate of having to answer her as Rick offered up himself in my defense. "There's really no reason to is there?" he asked in an even tone. I gazed up at him in wonder since I was sure he had wanted to make me his own, but he merely smiled down at me tenderly. "Unless _you'd_ like to, of course..."

"Well, I..." I began with uncertainty. Really, I didn't know what I wanted because I'd shared so much of my life with him already, and it seemed to be a moot point in our relationship. He had been with me for sixteen years without us being formally married, so why was it necessary for us to be wed _now_ of all times? After I first began to realize how he loved me, I had let him come to live in my home, and we'd even raised a child together. What would a wedding band mean to us? "I don't think... I don't think it's something that we're looking into at the moment," I replied at last.

"Do you still have feelings for Kai then?" It was Sasha who spoke this time although by the gentleness in voice led me to believe she meant no harm. In a way, I actually felt as though she was speaking on Lillia's behalf. As a mother myself, I could understand her concern that I might be harboring feelings for another man, and I had often asked myself whether or not this was the case. However, after dealing with what I had during the past, I was certain that there was nothing left between the traveller and myself. At least not in _my_ mind although I knew all to well he still loved me. He'd said so himself not too long ago...

"No," I assured the entire group confidently. "He's a good man, but I _know_ he's not the man for me..." I turned to face Rick before giving him a light kiss on the lips. Our guests chuckled to themselves at his embrassment, and I smiled as well to see the brush of scarlet that dashed across his cheeks. I could even see his lenses fog a little. He really could be so sweet at times, but more than that, he was sincere without having to rely on words alone.

While some rely on charm and others on wits, Rick was the kind of man who could put my mind at ease with just his humble presence. From the beginning, he cared for me like no one else ever could, and he did it all without asking for a single thing in return. I never felt pressured to be grateful to him while he continued to lift my burdens one by one, and I found myself falling in love with him over time. When he held me close and rested his head on my own or on my shoulder, the world always seemed to become a more peaceful place. He wouldn't waste a single word or action on me, so I knew he truly believed in everything he said or did to assure me of his love. He was the genuine article of what I needed in the one I chose to share my life with...

And that was more than enough for me.

--

**Author's Note:** I feel like that last paragraph didn't flow as nicely as I'd hoped, but I think it says it all really.

Before I go, I just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving! Whether you celebrate the holiday or not, there's always something to be thankful for, and I know that I'm certainly grateful to my readers. So thank you all! :)


	27. Chapter 27

**Author's Note:** I was playing MoFo over the weekend, and when I saw Kai, I couldn't help but imagine him without a leg! O.o I've been writing this story for too long, I think... :)

Well, I'm back from my little holiday, so I hope you all enjoy the return of _Tell Me Why!_

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**Chapter 27: Blossoms**

"Lance, can I talk to you about something?" I asked the young man resting in the shade of the blossoming apple tree before I realized I had interrupted his reading. He lifted his head slowly, and once his brown eyes glanced up from the pages of his novel, I knew I finally had his full attention. Although neither of the men in his life seemed to enjoy books all that much, he had always been an avid reader. I suppose Opal and her mother may have influenced him in some way, but it seemed that it was something of a passion for him whether or not anyone else had a say in the matter. He simply did what he liked, regardless of outside opinions.

"What is it?" he replied quietly, gazing up at me. There was a fondness in the way he looked at me which caused my cheeks to warm with the glow of a grateful mother. He always cared so deeply about me, and I couldn't help but wonder how he really felt, especially after all that had happened in the year before. However, he didn't appear to be upset with me.

"Are you really okay with..." I paused to chew on my lip nervously until I found the will to continue, "the divorce?"

Lance blinked at first, but then he smiled at me softly. "Isn't three weeks a bit late to ask?" he teased with a chuckle. My entire face warmed again when I realized I'd been found out, but there was no way I could deny that it was a fact. I _did_ often wait for a ridiculous amount of time to share a heart to heart with my son about anything. Still, there was no real explanation for it because it was just a part of my nature, and I never really understood why I put it off for so long. Maybe I thought he couldn't cope with things although it was probably that _I_ couldn't manage well enough.

"I don't really know," I admitted shyly, glancing away from him. "It's just what I always seem to do..." He laughed quietly to himself, and he flashed me a brilliant, cheeky grin. I could see the sparkle of amusement in his wide eyes as he gazed up at me lovingly.

"Don't worry, Mom... I don't mind," my son assured me with one last chuckle. "Speaking of Dad, how about you come with me right now?" he offered, picking himself up off the ground. The delicate petals, which had fallen onto his sunny yellow bandanna, fluttered down from his head as he stood, but he paid them no mind. I had to confess, I hadn't really realized how _tall_ he had become. While his father had been no slouch when it came to his height, the boy was more like Rick in that aspect. It was a little strange... "He's been wanting to talk to you, I think..." he thought on that for a moment before he explained further. "Well, he didn't say it like that _exactly_, but your name comes up a lot."

"Really?" I asked, perhaps a bit too eagerly. Although we'd brought our relationship to an end, I was excited to know that he still thought about me, but I guess that there wasn't any guarantee that it was anything _good_. However, knowing Kai, he probably wouldn't think ill of me even after what we'd been through. He was a forgiving sort of man, and I had to believe he had come to terms with what had transpired between Rick and I while he was gone. He understood that there was so much that could've happened over sixteen years ago, so he had probably chosen to move on past his initial hurt.

Of course... that's what I _hoped_...

"Sure thing," the young man insisted, gesturing for me to link my arm with his. I nearly laughed to see him behave this way, but instead I accepted his kind offer.

"Quite the gentleman, aren't you?" I teased which caused a brush of scarlet to dash across his cheeks. I rarely saw Lance flustered, yet I always wanted to keep going once I managed to get him to that point. "You're as charming as you're father," I continued, meaning it as a compliment. He beamed an even deeper shade of red after I'd mentioned it, and I let a chuckle slip. "Do you treat _all_ the ladies this way, or am I just someone special?"

"No," he replied in a serious tone. I snapped my head to face him in surprise before I raised an eyebrow at his comment. However, he just sent a cheeky grin my way, and then he laughed while giving me a wink. "Opal may be my girl, but _you're_ the only woman in my life," he explained cheerfully. It was my turn to have _my_ cheeks start to burn after that sweet remark.

"Have you been ditching her for your dad?" I asked curiously. I certainly hoped not since she was more than just a pretty face, and I would hate to know that my son had been neglecting her...

At first he shrugged, but then he thought on it for a moment. "Actually... she's usually at the Shack before _I_ even get there... She really likes talking to Dad, I guess... Not to mention he seems to enjoy the company, too." I nodded in understanding because I was sure he was right. I could imagine that Kai _would_ get rather lonely after a while, and I liked the idea of the young woman being drawn out of her shell by his charismatic nature. To Opal's credit, though, she _was_ a bit more outgoing than she once had been, and it was a wonderful improvement in my opinion. However, I prayed she wouldn't become near the gossip her grandmother had always proved to be.

"There they are!" I cheered suddenly, pointing to the dock where she was helping the older man along the wooden planks. He didn't seem to be having too much difficultly although she steadied him all the same. I could tell the two were chatting good-naturedly, and a reassured smile made its way across my aged features. "Hey, you two!" I called out to them, waving them down madly.

_"Mom,"_ Lance groaned as he rolled his eyes in a playful manner. I could clearly see the grin that had begun to spread from ear to ear. He ran off ahead of me, abandoning his chivalrous behavior towards me in favor of rushing over to greet his little lady. I didn't mind at all, though, since I always loved to see him whisk her off her feet and spin her around in a excited fashion. Then after he had set her firmly back on her feet, he'd kiss her passionately, regardless who happened to see.

"Jeez..." Kai remarked, jabbing his thumb towards the young couple. I only laughed in reply while I shook my head in dismay. "Are those two just like that when _I'm_ around?" he asked teasingly, or I _thought_ he was in a joking manner anyway... With men, I was never too sure, so I did what I could to find out for certain.

"Well, you're a lot more lax when it comes to romance than Rick," I observed calmly to test the waters. Although I had expected him to be upset that I'd bring up the man he'd lost my love to, he appeared to be unaffected by his rival's name. My statement was true, so I guess he wouldn't see any harm in my comment. It was innocent enough in his mind which was actually a relief, and I was grateful to know he had no hard feelings towards the other man.

"Hasn't he always been uptight, though?" he replied, stretching himself out. As he did so, I heard his back pop, and I involuntarily flinched. Thinking on the silver hair man with whom I shared my home, I had to admit both men were getting on in years. He _was_ right in what he'd said about his rival since Rick _did_ have a bad habit of becoming overbearing when it concerned young lovers, but I found it troubled me less and less over time. I knew that the poultry farmer had always been protective concerning what he felt was the more vulnerable gender in matters of the heart, so I soon became accustomed to his nature. "I mean, you remember how it was when I dated Popuri..."

"Yeah..." I agreed wistfully, remembering how I'd been so envious of the endearments he'd given the lovely, young woman. From the pet names to the gentle kisses he showered her with, I had never been comfortable with his relationship with his rival's younger sister during their courtship, yet I had to wonder if it was because I'd felt so strongly for him at the time. Perhaps I wasn't even aware of it back then although I could certainly tell I'd been jealous. Maybe it had been what made Kai's generally laid-back reaction unfamiliar to me.

"So did you get a chance to talk to our son?" the man asked as he leaned in closer to me to shift the weight onto his crutch. I merely shook my head since I honestly felt it was no longer an issue. "That's alright," he assured me with a smile, "I told him everything he wanted to know... Well, whatever he _needed_ to know really..." I almost laughed to see him rub the back of his neck in embarrassment, and I could only guess it was sometimes hard for him to deal with the responsibility of being a parent, too. He wasn't any more accustomed to it than I would've expected. That wasn't a bad thing, though, because I understood all to well how surprising it could be to suddenly face something you never would've expected to experience in this world.

After all, I never could've realized the life I would lead until I actually _lived_ it.

Watching Lance and Opal chat excitedly at the end of the pier as they dipped their toes in the ocean, we both smiled tenderly at them and the love they shared together. Every time Lance would send a charming grin her way, Opal's cheeks would be tinged with crimson, and it was all we could do to keep ourselves from chuckling at their innocence. Lost in memory, I reflected on how the two used to be as children. "He's got your way with the ladies," I explained, glancing over his way.

Kai laughed at my observation, of course, but I could see the sadness lingering in his gentle eyes. Maybe he was afraid his boy would suffer the same fate in love as he had, or perhaps he had begun to realize how lonely he had become after he accepted that he would never be mine again. Nor would ever I be his.

"Can I fix you something to eat, Claire?" the traveller offered. At first I raised an eyebrow, but he motioned over towards the budding lovers. The young man's face was extremely close to his sweetheart's, and given the serene, yet eager, expression on his handsome face, I was convinced that it was better for us to leave them alone for the time being. Making our way towards the Shack, we both glanced back to see the two share a rather passionate kiss. Although I felt my cheeks warm immediately and turned away from the sight, the man hobbling along at my side only chuckled knowingly to himself. "She's a good girl," he thought aloud.

"Very much so," I agreed wistfully with a soft smile. As we stepped inside the cozy, beachside restaurant, I realized something. "You might be Gray's in-law one day soon, you know?" I teased the boy's father while I slapped him playfully on his shoulder. He winced, rubbing the tender spot, yet I knew I hadn't really gone too far since he was still grinning.

"What's scary is you might be right," he replied in an amused tone, no doubt imagining the shock on his old roommate's face should it ever come to pass as he did so. "But that won't be for a while yet. Lance made _that_ much clear to me."

Raising an eyebrow, I asked, "Did he really say that?" I hadn't even realized Lance had begun to consider it, yet Kai's unwavering gaze told me that it was indeed the case. I tried to wrap my mind around the mere _thought_ of my son marrying the young woman. Although I knew it wouldn't take place for some time, I still had wasn't so sure I'd be ready for it in two or three years, either. However, maybe I should come to accept that this would most likely be the case. It wasn't a sad or unfortunate thought, though... just _strange._

"Like I said, Lance's not planning on it any time soon," his father reassured me, beginning to prepare our meal. I watched with growing concern while he tottered around the kitchen, but I didn't dare offer to help. I knew he was sensitive about his independence, and I also told myself that if he had to have learned to handle himself during the past sixteen years he'd lived with his disability. I could imagine how difficult it must've been for him to adjust. What was he thinking when he first understood the challenges he would inevitably face? There nothing I could do but wonder...

I just couldn't bring myself to ask him, after all.

"Is there anything you'd like in particular?" he asked, ducking his head into the refrigerator. "I _know_ you like fried noodles..." I smiled to myself to know he had remembered that detail from our happier days together, but I blinked away the tears. Instead of losing myself in the memories of days gone by, I gazed out the window. Lance and Opal had disappeared from the end of the dock, yet I had no doubt they were still nearby, just out of sight, which left me even _more_ curious as to what they were up to.

"Kai... are you going to be leaving again one day?" I gasped once I realized that the question had slipped from my lips, unfiltered by my mind, and I immediately felt his warm, brown eyes settle on me though my back was turned to him. I heard him heave a weary sigh, but I wasn't sure if that was a 'yes' or a 'no.'

"Well... I don't plan on it anytime soon since I'm actually enjoying my life here," he explained. I could tell he wasn't too sure about what he'd said, but I told myself to take his words at face value, especially once he continued. "Do you remember how I used to ask you if time passes more slowly here than in other places?" I thought back to the days when we used to sit side by side on the bench next to the Snack Shack on those lazy summer afternoons long ago, and I nodded that I _had_ recalled him saying something along those lines. "I'm really grateful for that now," he whispered, rolling out the noodles for my lunch.

"So am I," I agreed, noting that the pair of young lovers had just stumbled out from behind the pile of lumber on the far end of the beach. I had observed that Opal's usually uniform appearance was a bit askew, and her normally perfect, raven waves were clearly distressed and out of place. My son was also a bit disheveled since he held his yellow bandanna in his hands. I could see how his dark, shaggy locks were ruffled as well as his suede jacket. Regardless of their shameless behavior, I had to smile fondly at them, for I'd once been a reckless woman in the throws of passion, too.

Glancing back at the man who was busying himself with the stove, my heart softened slightly. Once, he'd been the only one for me, and even though we were no longer together, I had to admit I would feel my former giddiness rise in my chest in his company. His hair may have grayed beneath the purple fabric, and he was missing a limb along with the vigor of his youth. None of that really mattered, though... He was every bit of the man he'd been in his younger years, and if nothing else, Lance, his own _son,_ was visible, tangible proof of that fact. That's exactly why I was more than glad to hear the traveller had chosen to remain on familiar shores.

_Because the longer you're here... the happier that dear child seems to be._

--

**Author's Note:** This was actually nothing more than a filler, but I still love it all the same. There's only three chapters to go now... Unlike the time in Mineral Town, it came too fast! XO


	28. Chapter 28

**Author's Note:** Well, maybe the last chapter _did_ hint at a little something in this installment... Oh, and sorry about the lack of an update yesterday, but I had to spend over ten hours on a final drawing for one of my classes. It was my birthday, too...

Anyway, please enjoy!

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**Chapter 28: Struggles**

"Claire?" a man called to me from the dining room. As I poked my head out of the bathroom doorway, I could see Rick pouring over some documents that were splayed out on the table. I assumed they were the farm's financial records being that he always saw to that detail of our lives, and because of his firm expression, I feared the worse. However, I couldn't see how we could be in any debt since I always tried to keep on top of how much money passed through my hands. He was just as careful, and I could only hope my son shared our conservative views in that regard.

"Are we in trouble?" I asked quietly padding across the hardwood floor in my damp bare feet. When he glanced up to see me in nothing more than my towel, his entire face became flushed bright red, and I swore I could almost see steam rolling out from his ears. "Oh, come on," I teased, readjusting the fabric to fit a little tighter around me. "You've already seen it all, haven't you?"

"W-well... I-I..." he stammered while he tried to ignore the fact that I'd draped myself over him. He coughed nervously, but I was undeterred. I only stopped toying with him after I heard the front door's knob begin to turn, and I shrieked before racing back to safety, hidden away from prying eyes. Rick merely laughed at me in my panicked state, but I suppose it was just payback for me and my tempting ways. The voices I heard through the door were familiar, yet I was taken aback by how similar they were. I did thank the Goddess that we hadn't had them walk in during one of our more intimate moments, though.

Surely my son and ex-husband wouldn't have appreciated bearing witness to it...

As the men chatted amongst themselves, I began to dress myself for the day. Even though they still considered one another as a rival, I was glad that Rick and Kai were talking in a civil manner. It might have just been for the sake of appearances, but I was still grateful they were willing to be courteous around those who preferred not to be a part of their conflict, and I wasn't going to tolerate it if Lance was ever brought into the fray. He didn't need to be exposed to their animosities for each other.

Just after I had thought on this, Rick's voice rose overwhelmingly compared to the other two. "What the _fuck_ have you been telling him?" he demanded. "Do you really want him to end up like _you_ did?" I heard him slam his fist on the table which sent his papers fluttering down harmlessly onto the floor, but there wasn't going to be any silence to follow his angry outburst. "Just image what that'd do to his mother!"

"I had nothing to do with it, and you _know_ that," Kai argued back, clearly trying to hold his composure against the other. My heard raced, ramming itself against my chest when finally, in a burst of courage, I threw open the bathroom door. It didn't matter to me that my overalls weren't clasped. All I wanted was to keep the two men from possibly killing themselves in my home, and I had to do my best to prevent that very thing from happening.

_"You're_ the only one who could put those damn ideas in his head!" I winced, not being ready for another verbal assault so soon, until I realized that once again the poor traveller was all but dangling in his opponent's tight grip. Although Lance was witnessing their most recent conflict, he had stepped back from the fray, and his face paled from shock.

"Rick, put him _down,"_ I order as calmly as I could manage, but I didn't expect him to do it kindly by any means. He didn't seem to offer that sort of generosity towards the rogue. However, to my surprise, the poultry farmer complied, and he went so far as to _gently_ set the other man back onto the floor. His eyes were clouded over with a reserved anger, but he remained quiet if not a bit sullen. Kai also kept his thoughts to himself while they waited for me to continue. I could almost cut the tension that hung heavily in the air with a nice, yet I wasn't about to show any signs of weakness. "Now," I began again, "would either of you mind telling me _what_ this is all about?"

"Take a look for yourself," Rick suggested, nodding over to the place where all of our financial records lay abandoned on the floor. I agreed without a word and went to sort through the evidence myself. At first, I didn't find anything too unusual, but after a while of searching, I found what I'd just been warned about. Although it may not have seemed out of ordinary to most people, there was one item on the list that made my heart sink.

"Lance..." I whispered breathlessly, "were you really going to leave here without telling us?" The young man wouldn't even look at me after the accusation, let alone offer me a reply. His warm, brown eyes were downcast as he stared absentmindedly at his feet, and I could tell he knew that the news was surely breaking my heart. I almost began to cry when he nodded his head solemnly, and I choked back a sob, registering that the one-way ticket out of Mineral Town that was listed was his. Finally, I pleaded with as I tried to fully understand what was coursing through his mind, "But... why?"

"Because I want to see the world," he explained with a shrug before he rubbed the back of his neck nervously. Right then, Rick turned to confront the boy's father, picking up their argument where they'd left off. However, Lance quickly tried to intervene, "Dad didn't even know about it!"

"Something tells me he sure as hell _did,"_ the older man snapped, running his fingers though his long, grayed hair in frustration. Kai didn't even flinch under his deadly glare, but I guess it was understandable since he'd dealt with it years before. When he glanced over at me, it was a different story altogether, though. He shifted on his crutch uncomfortably under my unwavering gaze, and I tried desperately to send him a silent plea to try and reason with his son. "You rotten son of a-"

"Dad didn't _do_ anything!" the boy insisted irately, taking a few, determined strides towards his step-father. They were soon face to face although Rick had to tilt his chin up slightly to match my son's burning gaze.

"Oh, so you're willing call him _that_, are you?" he growled. I felt myself begin to shake, but I had to keep strong as I swallowed the heavy lump in my throat. Still, it didn't matter how much I wanted to interfere since my voice had failed me whenever I went to open my mouth in protest. "That's funny... being that _I _was the one to _raise_ you, not this worthless jackass!"

_"Excuse me_ then for not knowing about him in the _first_ place!" Kai shot back. It seemed he had finally cracked under the pressure that blanketed the room like a heavy fog. "At least I didn't elbow my way in on someone else's _wife!"_ I actually gasped to hear him say it although it was certainly true, and the tears began to overwhelm me from shock. Of course he's still be bitter... but I wouldn't have expected him to lash out so cruelly. He never spoke so harshly to me or even Rick on other, occasions, and it made me realize how hurt he truly must've been even if he didn't show it. Regardless, what could I do to change all that happened in the past few seasons, let alone sixteen _years?_

"T-that's..." Rick began, his face burning with rage. "You have no right to-"

"Why_ don't_ I?" the traveller challenged, narrowing his eyes dangerously. _"You_ were the one that was always telling everyone that _I_ was the guy to keep an eye on, but _which_ one of us was the one to steal someone else's woman,_ huh?"_ Although I knew his anger wasn't directed at me, I continued to feel like I'd been the one to cause him all this anguish and pain. "Who's the fucking heartbreaker _now?"_

"You weren't there when she _cried, _asshole!" his rival countered. I actually thought I heard him choke on his words, like _he_ was the one about to lose his own composure instead of me. However, I wasn't about to let it go on any further, so I only did what I could. While the two continued to exchange heated words against one another, I calmly strode over to the kitchen cupboards, and I caught Lance staring at me with a bewildered expression on his face. I simply smiled at him as I reached up for a plate from the rack.

After all, if it worked before...

Just as the two were ready to lash out at each once again, the chaotic sound of a shattering dish caught both men completely off guard. They merely blinked in surprise, rendered absolutely speechless. Despite myself, I grinned wickedly at them, and through gritted teeth, I asked, "Have I got your attention?" Although they exchanged confused and anxious glances, they didn't answer my question right away. They really didn't need to, either. "Since you boys aren't willing to play nice in my house, I'll have to ask you to leave." I didn't have to say anything more to convince them that it was better for them to be out of my sight which was somewhat amusing in itself. All three of them headed straight for the door without another word, but I had one last request. "Lance, I'm going to need you to stay here," I told my son. "We have something we need to talk about..."

He hung his head at first, yet he finally nodded in silent agreement. The other two made their way outside while they returned to their fierce staring match. I decided it was best just to leave them to it if they truly wanted to see one another dead. Right now, I needed to be a mother, not some nanny for a couple of men who couldn't see eye to eye... Once the door had been shut behind them, I turned my attention back to the young man slumped against the far wall.

My son gazed over to where I stood with the fragments of what was once a dinner plate laying in ruins around my feet. With a heavy sigh, I began to pick up the larger pieces, but I couldn't hide my rather smug smile. I never could've guessed I'd be breaking something _deliberately._ Still, it certainly got the job done...

Nervously, Lance tried to explain himself without me having to even ask, "Mom... he really didn't-"

"I know he didn't," I assured him. "Kai might've told you a few stories, but he already made it clear to me that he's planning on staying here. Besides," I flashed him a brilliant grin, "traveling's in your blood. You can't really help that at all, you know."

Lance seemed a bit surprised at first, but then I saw him smile softly. His chocolate brown eyes settled on me, and I could see the gratefulness that shone in them since he was already beginning to understand what I had decided so soon after finding out what he'd been planning. It was a hard decision to make, I'll admit. Even so, it was _his_ choice as more or less a grown man. Who was I to deny him his birthright?

Yes, he was certainly young, and if his father's physical state was any indication, the world wasn't always such a safe place to roam about. However, there was something about keeping him home against his will that seemed so... _wrong_ to me. Right now, Mineral Town really had nothing to offer him but a sweet girl and a rather peculiar family, and I knew he deserved more than that. Although I had once told him I thought he wasn't old enough to own the Snack Shack, the truth was I didn't want him to dedicate himself to something so permanent this early in his life. He needed the freedom to decide for _himself_ what he wanted to accomplish.

And I was willing to give my son that chance.

"Does Opal know about your plans?" I asked wistfully, disposing of the sharp shards of stoneware. Lance raised an eyebrow before I chuckled to myself. "Well, if you're planning on marrying that girl one day, you'd better make sure she's going to wait for you." After all, I didn't have to say how I had fared under the conditions of being an estranged wife... Even _with_ a blue feather between us, Kai and I drifted apart, and I had found my true love in someone else while he was away. Without anything but a promise, there was a chance the boy's childhood sweetheart might find her happiness in another which would leave him broken-hearted or worse... bitter and resentful.

"She'll wait," he replied matter-of-factly. Although I was a bit skeptical, I had to admit he was probably right. The young woman and I weren't the same person, and the love she shared with my son wasn't the same as mine with Kai, nor my relationship with Rick. Their affections for each other were theirs alone, so I had no right to judge them for how they felt or what they would chose to do with this new predicament. "It's not like I can take her _with_ me."

"Good because I don't think Gray would _let_ her, either," I teased which caused Lance to shudder. I couldn't say I really blamed him for being uncomfortable with the mere _thought_ of what could happen because I'd feel more or less the same way facing the risk of dealing with an angry father. Especially since he was as tough as iron and skilled with a hammer....

"When are you thinking of heading out?" I continued, sweeping off the kitchen tiles just to make sure I hadn't left any remnants from my semi-crazed episode behind. I had a pretty good idea to start with, but I still wanted to know how much time I had left to spend with my son until he left for foreign shores. Since there obviously wasn't anything I could do to change his mind, I figured I might as well enjoy his company while it lasted. I was already starting to prepare myself for the possibility he may _never_ return, yet I did my best to keep myself optimistic. I certainly didn't want to spend my life fretting about his well being although I knew I would _always_ worry at some point or another.

"Probably right after summer," Lance mumbled, avoiding my hurt gaze. I smiled sadly to hear he would only be spending a season with me before he shipped out... Even so, there was still plenty of time for me to share with him, and I knew that there would be someone else who would be just as happy with his decision.

"Alright, but only as long as your father goes with you," I agreed, turning to face him. Taking in his appearance, I felt my heart swell with pride, and it was all I could to do to keep myself form tearing up as a result. What had once been a cheeky, little boy had become an impressive, young man. He was everything his father had ever been... tall, dark, and handsome... but there was something else, too, that made him someone even more wonderful. It wasn't the sunny hue of his bandanna or his name that made him so different from the one who'd come before him. No, it was much deeper than that.

Kai had been a charmer, so he knew _exactly_ what to say and do to melt a woman's heart, including my own. Still, he was a man who was forever set adrift from strangers and loved ones alike. No one could tether to a harbor for too long before wanderlust would begin to overtake his thoughts, his fantasies, and eventually his entire being. However, his son couldn't have been more set apart from him. While the older man never found a home for himself in the world, Lance would always have one whenever he felt he had to rest from his weary travels, right here in Mineral Town...

...with _me._

--

**Author's Note:** Really, I had this chapter worked out differently in my head, but I liked how it turned out, anyway. :)

I was actually surprised that I was able to write an argument scene that I really _enjoyed_ writing. I usually hate them because the dialogue seems choppy and unrealistic. However, that poses a bit of trouble when a story involves Rick and Kai, and it's a _real_ problem for me since I love that rivalry so much! XD


	29. Chapter 29

**Author's Note:** This is 'technically' the end of this story because the next chapter is actually an epilogue of sorts. There were three different versions of the first scene, but I think that this one was the best out of my choices. I hope you all enjoy!

--

**Chapter 29: Journey**

"Is that everything?" Rick asked as he lifted the last of the luggage unto the ferry's top deck. The summer hadn't been nearly long enough in my mind, but I had already accepted it never would've been. Even after all I'd struggled through during the past seventeen years, nothing could've prepared me for my son's departure. However, I felt I was handling the current situation rather well with all things considered, and I knew I was more than capable of remaining strong for him. Yes, there would be tears... but I wouldn't have expected anything less. I took some comfort in the thought that I certainly wouldn't be the only one to cry, either.

"Well, I'm pretty sure that's it," Lance replied. Although he tried to hide his enthusiasm, I could still see the smile that was creeping across his young face, and there was an eager spark in his eyes as well. He was in his prime, and here was a once in a lifetime opportunity to see the world. I know there'd be moments when I would ask myself _why_ I ever let my son go, but then I'd just have to remember the pure, unabashed excitement in that boy's entire being. He couldn't even stand still because of his seemingly boundless energy.

The anticipation was clearly coursing through him like wildfire.

"Good because I don't know if I'll be able to let you go if we wait any longer," I teased, wrapping my arms around his waist and holding him tight. Without any hesitation, the boy... no, the young _man_ held me closer, resting my head on his chest like he'd seen his step-father do so many times before to console me during one of my more fragile moments. I could already feel the tears start to roll down my cheeks, but I didn't even try hold them back any longer. Lance didn't shush me, though, since I'm sure he understood how difficult it was to let him go. He was my baby, after all... He _always_ would be, too...

Not so long ago, he had been nothing more than an infant that I cradled in my arms at this very spot. At that time, I had considered surrendering myself to the inky blackness of the sea on a cold winter's night, on the evening he was born. While I looked back on the dark memory, I asked myself how I could've _ever_ considered such a thing. Maybe it was simply because I wasn't strong enough to handle the overwhelming anxiety of being a single mother, or perhaps I was nothing more than a broken woman due to my status as an estranged wife. Whatever my reasons, I was grateful that I hadn't given up. Even if I had needed some help along the way, I had been the one to chose life over death for the both of us.

"We can't ship out _just _yet," Kai reminded us, glancing over his shoulder. We all turned to follow his gaze as a young woman made her way down the stairs onto the wind-swept beach. She ran across the sand, lifting her blue skirt to keep herself from tripping as she came to join us. Glancing up at my son, I could see the tenderness in his warm eyes when they fell on her, and I could also tell that he was arguing with himself right then. What would he promise his raven-haired sweetheart? I wondered. Did he plan on letting her go, or was their love the kind that could last the distance that would separate them by entire continents and endless oceans?

"Lance!" she cried out, throwing herself onto her childhood sweetheart just as I'd stepped away. "Weren't you going to _wait_ for me?" she demanded, challenging him with an icy blue stare. He looked away at first, but then he gazed down at her pained expression while flashing a brilliant smile.

"Of course I was going to, Opal..." he reassured her, bringing his face close to hers. As always, her cheeks were suddenly tinged with a light rosy hue, and he chuckled to himself before planting a warm, lingering kiss on her satin lips. The girl all but melted in his strong arms which caused Rick to roll his eyes, but Kai and I glanced at one another while reflecting on our own memories.

He leaned on his crutch as he stared out over the ocean's waves, and I wondered what he thought of all this. Here he was headed back out into the waiting world just after he decided that living on the mainland was becoming a comfortable lifestyle for him, yet he appeared to be completely at ease with himself. The way the sea breeze played with the purple fabric tied securely around his head brought me back to the times when I both loved and hated the memory of it. Even with his aged features, he was still as handsome as he'd been before, yet I'd learned over time that that didn't make the man on a whole. Appearances aside, we weren't the same people we once had been...

After I'd left the young lovers to their quiet assurances to one another, I joined Rick and Kai who had both been waiting for me in a tense silence. I would've liked to have seen them at least making polite conversation, but I had decided I had no choice but to accept they would _always_ consider one another to be rivals following their most recent argument. "Thanks for agreeing to go with him, Kai... It makes me feel a lot better," I admitted shyly, coming to stand beside the other man who put an arm around me protectively. "I know it has to be hard for-"

"Don't worry, Claire," he replied with a soft smile, "I'll keep the boy in one piece." Although he was being sincere, I heard Rick chuckle a bit to himself. When I glanced up at him, he was wearing a smirk, and his thick lenses flashed dangerously in the sunbeams that peeked out from the misty, gray clouds overheard.

"You'd better," the poultry farmer warned in a dark tone. "Otherwise you'll be missing more than just your leg." To be honest, I wasn't really sure if he was joking or not, but Kai laughed all the same though it was probably just to calm his nerves a little. It was one of the few times I actually saw his confidence falter even just slightly. I couldn't blame him for his uncertainty, though... Even _I_ was a bit intimidated by my companion's threat, and I prayed for the travelers' well being in the future. Not only for my son's sake, but his _own _as well.

Suddenly, I heard a small gasp, and our attention was turned back to the pair at the end of the dock. Lance was extending the bright yellow bandanna which had kept shaggy, dark chocolate locks under control for so many years to a clearly flustered Opal, and I could see his signature cheeky grin spreading across his youthful features. "Are you sure?" she breathed, taking it gingerly in her delicate hands as if it might disintegrate under her gentle touch. "I mean... it's..."

"Just think of it as a promise," he explained, kissing her on the forehead. I felt my heart warm to know that he wouldn't leave the poor dear without a dream of having him return for her, but I knew that, for her sake if nothing else, I had to give my son a bit of advice to finding a happy future for them both.

"Be sure to write," I reminded him earnestly, catching them off guard since they didn't realize we'd witnessed their sweet exchange. "I know what it's like to be left wondering..." I added wistfully as I thought back on the sadness that had consumed me in earlier years. Although I didn't turn to face him, I could imagine the hurt in Kai's eyes, but if he had so much damn pride, I figured he could stomach the truth at least once in his life. I knew I was more than capable of standing on my own after all this time, yet I let Rick hold me closer to him all the same.

"Then that's just what I'll have to do," Lance agreed with a sharp nod. After he'd said it, Zack stepped out to join us on the pier, and both father and son realized it was time to leave us and the small town behind. Kai was the first to get on board, hobbling up the gangplank with some difficulty, but even though the kind shipper offered his help, the traveler shrugged him off with a grin. Knowing him, I wouldn't have expected anything less... My son lingered a bit longer, trying to find the words for the bittersweet moment, but I saved him from having to cope with the ordeal himself.

"Remember," I assured him, "there's no such thing as a good-bye when you know you'll be coming back." He smiled at me gratefully with a childlike sincerity, and then his warm eyes settled on the young woman who gazed up at him with the most beautifully sad, blue orbs. Without another word, he kissed her once more for what all knew would be the last for a long time to come, and she clung to him desperately before he drew away from her. Even in silence, I could hear his promises to return to her one day which brought tears to my own eyes. Glancing up to see the man who held me, I found that he, too, was beginning to cry although Rick did his best to keep himself composed. After raising the boy for most of his life, it was understandable that he was struggling with the thought of letting him go into an outside world he'd never ventured himself.

Perhaps that was the true reason why he couldn't trust the traveler. Kai was the personification of the very thing that Rick considered to be the unknown, and to not know was the most frightening thing of all. It wasn't dependable unlike himself; he couldn't rely on something like that which made him distrust it altogether. I didn't find fault in his reasoning, though, because I, too, was afraid of what lay beyond the horizon. I could only pray the two men would be safe on their journey.

While the ferry began to pull away from the harbor, Opal teetered at the edge of the dock and cried out with a choked attempt of a laugh, "I'll be waiting, Lance! I promise... I'll wait for you!" Her desperate assurances tore at my heart as I recalled making the same vow seventeen years to the day, but somehow... I knew she'd keep her word as he would his. They were stronger now than either Kai or I was then which made me feel all the more confident in their love for one another despite the odds.

After all, she wouldn't be waiting for their return alone...

--

Even though the ship had long since crossed the horizon, I still found myself lingering at the end of the pier, dipping my toes in the cool lapping waves of the ocean and gazing straight ahead where the sea met the night sky. I was trying to make peace with the place. It seemed like everything had begun and ended in the same spot, and I realized that I would never really be free of it. There would always be connections to be made between Kai and Lance, and once again, the similarity between the two was making itself known to me. Here was where the father and son had both left me, yet the feelings I had now were completely different from what they had been. I wasn't angry or hurt any longer which was a great relief to me.

I'd spent so much of my life in heartache, but I'd finally come to accept things as they were. I wasn't alone like I'd once thought because I had someone to rely on, and he'd proven himself time and time again. As long as I had him, I could still lead a life of relative ease. I hoped I could do the same for him as well.

"Claire, are you going to spend all night here?" a familiar voice asked with some hinted amusement. Without having to see him, I knew it was Rick who'd come for me. He was always the one to find me when I'd gone off and disappeared. Honestly, who else would try and seek me out, especially tonight? He sat down beside me, but he didn't reach out to comfort me at first. Instead he merely waited for me to open up to him as if he wasn't quite sure what he should say concerning the day's events. I couldn't blame him for not knowing.

"Maybe," I agreed with a laugh. We feel into another comfortable silence before I began again. "Did you take Opal back home then? I know she was upset..." The poor girl couldn't help but continue to cry long after her love had gone, using my son's gift to dry her misty eyes. Both of us had held her to reassure the young woman that we'd be there for her should she ever need us, and although her smile was weak, she appreciated our kind gesture all the same. In time, I knew she'd be strong enough to think of him without shedding a single tear because she was never one to lose her composure for long. Like her parents, she may have been shy, but she preferred to keep her emotions in check.

"Yeah..." Rick assured me, "but you should've seen Gray." I raised an eyebrow, and he continued with a chuckle. "He was cussing out Lance something awful for leaving her like he did..."

"Well, she _is_ a daddy's girl," I reminded him, smiling at the thought of the overprotective father storming around the house while his wife did her best to calm him down. I'd certainly be hearing about _that_ little episode from Anna the next day although I couldn't say I would be looking forward to it by any means.

"I hate to be the one to tell you this," my companion began in a teasing tone. "Still, our son happens to be a momma's boy." We both laughed at that since it was definitely the truth. I had to wonder, though, if it might've been different had Kai been home much sooner, but I suppose it was pointless to question these things. All the 'what ifs' in the world couldn't answer much of anything by this point in our lives.

"And you weren't?" I replied, reaching out to hold his hand. He shrugged, a sad smile on his worn face while he thought on his own mother. Although the years hadn't been too kind to the man, I still thought Rick carried his age fairly well. His long hair may have grayed and his blue-green eyes might had become rather tired, but every time he looked at me, he was still a young man at heart. It didn't matter that the wrinkles around his mouth and eyes didn't disappear after his lopsided grin faded away. He was every bit of the man I'd fallen in love with. When no one else would so much as _look_ at me, he never turned me away even once. Therefore, he didn't have to be tall, dark, or handsome for me to chose him as my one and only.

"So..." Rick mumbled, swinging his legs nervously over the water's surface, "are you really okay with... everything?" I could hear the concern ringing in his voice, and as he glanced over towards me sheepishly, I knew he was clearly worried. He lifted his hand out from under mine and brought me closer to him in a comforting embrace, resting his head on my own. We sat there for a while, neither one of us breaking the silence, until I finally answered him.

"Of course I'm not really 'okay' with it," I explained quietly, shaking my head. "I mean, it'll be hard without Lance around," _And Kai,_ I added in my own my mind, "but I'll be alright, I think." Though I sounded confident in myself, I could already feel the tears resurfacing, and soon enough they began to fall. However, I wasn't truly sad to see him go because I vividly remembered the excitement on his gentle face that day. It was more than enough to convince me I'd made the right decision in the end. Even so, I knew it'd be hard to live without him in the beginning.

Each morning I woke up, I'd have to see the empty bed beside my own where he once lay sleeping soundly from the time he was an infant, and every night I'd be reminded that he wouldn't be sneaking off to get Opal when he _thought_ I was already sound asleep. In a season's time, he wouldn't be home to celebrate his birthday, and next summer, there'd be no half-birthday to share with him, either. I couldn't tease him about his date coming over for dinner or ask him what he was doing for the festival the following day. I wouldn't have to save him from Kimberly's mischievous games, and although there would still be gossip about whether or not he'd be the same as his father, it wouldn't be the same to defend him in his absence.

Worst of all, I could only see his charming smile and warm, brown eyes in photographs and memories...

"He loves you very much, you know," Rick whispered into my hair before giving me a kiss on the head, "and I'm sure he's going to miss you, too..." I nodded, smiling weakly in agreement while I took what had been said to heart. Gazing up to the brilliant stars above, I knew the man was right, and I wondered if my son could be looking into the night sky as well. However, that might have been just a romanticized wish on my part as a hopeful mother.

"Yeah... I know," I replied, wiping away the tears. Then a reoccurring desire came to me, and before I could hold my tongue, my thoughts became words. "Tell me why you stayed, Rick..." I murmured as I buried my face in the well worn fabric of his green sweater. "Please? I just want to hear it _once_, so..."

At first, he only sighed in defeat as if he had been hoping the matter wouldn't be brought up again. I had let it be for so long, yet I couldn't help but still question it every now and then. Tonight it seemed I would finally have my answer, though, since he took a deep breath and began to speak in a soft, uncertain voice. "Claire... I..." Heaving another frustrated sigh, he tried to gather his thoughts once more, and in a sudden burst of determined confidence, he turned me to face him straight on. I felt my heart's pace start to quicken under his possessive gaze, and I stopped breathing for a moment as he brought his face close to my own, his eyes unwavering in their intensity.

"I love you, Claire..." Rick explained, resting his hands on my narrow shoulders which made me gasp slightly. "I've _always_ loved you... even before _he_ came around and stole you away..." he admitted, glancing to the worn planks of the dock for a moment. In the pale moonlight, I could see the brush of scarlet across his freckled features, and I actually smiled to see how such a simple confession could fluster him. "I love you," he breathed once more before kissing me tenderly, his lips lingering on mine for what seemed to be an eternity. Time didn't matter to me any longer, though...

...because I had still forever to make it last.

--

**Author's Note:** I _loved_ writing this chapter! X3 Yes, it's a bit sad, but there's still so much hope for the future!

I think everything in this story is pretty much tied up rather nicely although there might be a few loop holes left over. Even so, I always felt that some of my favorite books were ones that left a little bit for the readers to imagine on their own which is what I tried to apply to my own writing as well. It's hard to do, though...


	30. Chapter Thirty

**Chapter Thirty**

**Home**

Time never stops for anyone. Days turn into nights, seasons pass, and years end... and yet...

Every so often, I wished the world would just stop turning if only for a moment to let me catch my breath and collect my thoughts. It was always hard to remember all the beautiful places I'd seen and kind faces I'd met. Even though I wanted to recall each and every one of them as vividly as the last, I knew I'd never be able to accomplish it, and it saddened me to realize it for myself.

Of course, there was one place I could never forget.

As the familiar, sandy shore came into view on the horizon, I could feel my heart swell with excitement. After so many years of only seeing it in memory, I could finally become a part of it again, and it was all I can do to keep myself from tumbling over the railing into the ocean below in my eagerness to return to that place. My home was nothing more than a small village, but it was anything but a quiet and sleepy little town. I knew that as soon as our ferry was in view of the harbor, word of our return would race through the farming community like rapid fire, and by the time we reached the dock, there would be a large crowd gathered there to welcome us.

"Careful there, son," a smooth voice warned, pulling me back from the bow. "I'm not going to let you drown when we're almost there, you know," he teased in his usual carefree manner. I turned to face the man who'd spoken to me, and although I should've been used to it by now, I was still startled by how much we resembled one another.

Whenever I glanced in his direction, it was like looking into the mirror image of myself in the future. From his chocolate brown eyes and tanned skin, both aged by the years of living a life without ties to anyone or anything, to his laugh and effortless smile, I knew myself and who I would become just by looking at him.

It was no wonder that my mother had struggled for so long to accept the shocking similarities between us.

"Did you tell Mom we were coming back?" I asked, leaning against the railing while my gaze drifted upward towards the endless blue sky. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught that same distant, almost lost, expression on his tired face that he wore whenever the woman happened to be brought up in simple conversation, and as always, I mentally kicked myself for ever mentioning her. However, he soon offered me a small smile to try reassure me all was well, but I knew better.

The wounds were still too fresh for either of us to forget what had happened between them.=

"No," he admitted with a chuckle. "I figured it'd be more fun for us to surprise her." While he didn't say anything on the matter, I knew he was hoping to ruffle acertain someone's feathers upon his return. I could already see the gears turning in his mind, and I knew he was planning on something mischievous.

"She's not gonna be happy with you if you make the old man upset again, you know..." I scolded him, trying to keep a stern face. However, it faltered almost immediately, and soon we were both grinning ear to ear at the thought of triggering the poor poultry farmer's temper. My laughter died away as I thought more of him, though.

Rick had raised me himself- for the most part anyway- and while I had never really seen him as my true father, I had respect for him all the same. He had been good to my mother, never leaving her side during all those years of heartache and suffering which was more than I could say for the man standing next to me.

I never really thought about it until Dad came back, but at that moment I began to realize that there was so much that I hadn't questioned in my life. I suppose it didn't matter by that time, yet a part of me continued to feel somewhat betrayed to know the truth that he'd been alive after I'd been told he had died before I was even born. Of course, there was the chance that he really had died... in my mother's mind at least.

When I finally had found him, I felt as though everything had fallen into place. There weren't any awkward silences or tension between us although we still had our differences, but they didn't get in the way of our relationship as father and son. It was something... I'd never had before.

"Don't worry," he replied wistfully. "I won't have to do much of anything to get him riled." Then after a thought, he added with a chuckle, "I just have to be in the same room, and he'll be ready for a fight..." I shook my head in defeat while smiling to myself, and I knew it was more or less how things would go. How could I ever forget all the words they'd crossed with one another? Even the most trivial things could spark an argument between them.

Although I didn't really understand the quarrel between them, I knew it had begun long before I was born. Mom had explained it was simply in their nature, like cats and dogs or oil and water, so I guess I had to accept it for what it was. It wasn't really my fight anyway.

We fell back into a thoughtful silence while the boat continued to cut through the gentle waves and my shaggy brown mess of loose curls caught the sea breeze. I ran my fingers through my hair, and in doing so, I couldn't help but think of the girl I'd left back home. Although we had written to one another every week without fail, I had to wonder if she still felt the same way about me. When Opal first saw me walking down the gangplank to greet her... I couldn't even think of what would happen.

After all, there was always the chance she had found someone else, like my mother had.

Suddenly, there was a hand resting on my shoulder, and I glanced up quickly to see Dad gazing down at me with his warm, brown eyes so like my own. "It'll be alright, Lance," he assured me, offering me a comforting smile. "She said she'd wait, didn't she?"

"Mom did, too," I reminded him coldly. He winced slightly, yet his grin didn't falter for a moment. Although I hadn't meant to say it, I couldn't help feeling irritable. I was nervous, and he knew as well as I did that I could become rather harsh when that was the case. Still, he didn't fault me for it, and I recalled him saying once in passing that my mother was the same way. Not only that, but he'd also admitted, after a few glasses of wine, that she hadn't always suffered from the anxiety I remembered in my childhood.

"Yes, but I only have myself to blame for that," he replied causally with a shrug. He gripped the railing tightly, like he was trying to convince himself that it was the simple truth although we both knew it was just a lie he told himself to keep his wits about him.

Soon the sound of the gently breaking waves became deafening as a heavy silence came between us.

"I know she still loves me... in her own way, of course," he said at last, smiling sadly to himself. Even while I wasn't too sure of that, I had to hope for his fragile heart's sake that perhaps he was right. If he wanted to keep on hoping she'd return to him in spite of the sixteen years they'd spent apart, then I wouldn't ruin it for him.

There wasn't any time left to dwell on it when we pulled into port, and while there wasn't a crowd as I'd expected, a single face had shown up to greet us. For me, it was the most important one of all as it was the one I'd been waiting to see since the first day I'd left...

_"Opal!"_ I cried out, sweeping the girl clear off her feet and kissing her before she could even squeak a reply. "_Goddess_, I've missed you." After spinning her about, I placed her back on her feet, and I laughed to see her eyes wide with surprise.

"Oh, Lance..." she whispered, resting her hands over her heart to calm herself. "I'm so happy you're home!" she cheered, flinging her tiny arms around my waist. I stumbled back a little, and soon enough I could feel her grateful tears upon my chest, soaking through the thin fabric of my shirt. I smiled softly as I gazed down at her trembling form, and I smoothed her silky, black waves that tumbled over her narrow shoulders and down her back, cooing sweet assurances quietly to her. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to-"

"It's-" I began before I was interrupted by a hard clap on my shoulder.

"No need to worry," my father laughed, leaving me to tend to the newly forming bruise he'd left on my tender skin. "You should've seen _him_ every time he read you're letters!" I felt my cheeks start to burn, but I tried to shrug it off casually. I didn't really need to, though, since Opal was far more interested in the man who'd spoken at the moment.

"Mr. Makani!" she gasped, pointing to down to the right. We both glanced to where she had gestured, and then he grinned broadly once he realized what she was trying to imply. At last, she managed to sputter, "Y-your leg... it's... _b-back..."_ Although she was a bit mistaken, being that it was a false leg, he laughed and nodded in agreement, and I chuckled as well since I'd forgotten that we hadn't told anyone about the 'improvement' to his physical state.

"Looks nice, huh?" he laughed, his hand falling hard on the plastic casing She nodded weakly before a smile graced her lovely, delicate features in agreement. "It cost us a pretty penny, but I've got to admit it feels a hell of a lot better not to be stumbling around anymore."

"Does Aunt Claire know yet?" Opal asked, tilting her head slightly to the side. "I mean... about you guys coming back?"

"Well... she'll know _now,"_ the man laughed, shaking his head. "You kids run on ahead," he urged, waving us off, "and I'll help Zack unload our cargo here." I caught the wink he sent me, but while I rolled my eyes in reply, I couldn't help but smile. He knew me all too well, it seemed... not that I was complaining any. I was more than willing to pick up our relationship where we'd left off.

"Are you going to leave again?" she murmured as she took my hand tentatively in her own. Glancing over at her, she was busying herself with biting her lower lip in nervous thought while she waited for an answer. I hadn't noticed it earlier, but she was clutching my ratty, old bandanna in her other hand.

"There's no way I could do that to you," I assured her, bringing her closer to me in a lose embrace while we continued to walk down the cobbled street together.

Stepping onto my family's property, my eyes scanned the newly sown fields as I searched for her. It wasn't long until I spotted my mother bent over and pulling at the weeds with her back turned to us. However, the past three years had clearly taken their toll on the poor woman.

Her hair was now a startling white, and I saw that her slender hands weren't as nimble as they once were. I heard her mutter a few choice words to herself, kneading the palm of her hand, and then she went to stand. However, hen she found she couldn't stand upright, she turned to face the house opposite from Opal and I. _"Rick!_ I need you're help again!"

Chuckling to myself, I came beside her and offered her my hand. She jumped a little in surprise before her shoulders relaxed and her eyes were suddenly filled with relief. "Oh, there you are, R-" Her words died as soon as she realized the hand was not that of her husband's, and I had to smile when the spark of recognition shown in her blue eyes which came to life once she realized who had come for her. "Lance..." she breathed, blinking away the tears. "You're..."

"Mom... I'm _home."_


End file.
